i tend to deny myself to have feelings
for some things
then this morning i found myself crying
crying a grieving cry
and i realized it's because
i don't have closure
it dawned on me where i was when it ended
i was in the place of willingness to move on
and love another and he was my focal point
i cared about him far more than i allowed myself
to realize
and my reckless behaviour proved my denial
and i think i hurt his feelings
but i'll never truly know
i know that my feelings were hurt but i couldn't ask anything of him
that wasn't fair
and i couldn't ask him later to have this
closure conversation with me because
that was selfish and unfair
and i wanted to still be friends with him
because he is such a great man
and he was such a good friend
but how could i ask that of him
i had been selfish enough with him
sitting on my swing on my porch
the thought crossed my mind that
the "him" smell i remember is now
her "him" smell and she knows it
and she has intuition about him
and she holds him and kisses him
and he does the same for her
and they're in love
perfect for each other
and he and i were never meant to be
because he deserved more than i could offer
he deserved better than me
and he wasn't meant for me
so, i'm coming to all these conclusions
and i miss my friend
and all i can do is cry
and let it all go eventually
because i'm holding it all right now.
for some things
then this morning i found myself crying
crying a grieving cry
and i realized it's because
i don't have closure
it dawned on me where i was when it ended
i was in the place of willingness to move on
and love another and he was my focal point
i cared about him far more than i allowed myself
to realize
and my reckless behaviour proved my denial
and i think i hurt his feelings
but i'll never truly know
i know that my feelings were hurt but i couldn't ask anything of him
that wasn't fair
and i couldn't ask him later to have this
closure conversation with me because
that was selfish and unfair
and i wanted to still be friends with him
because he is such a great man
and he was such a good friend
but how could i ask that of him
i had been selfish enough with him
sitting on my swing on my porch
the thought crossed my mind that
the "him" smell i remember is now
her "him" smell and she knows it
and she has intuition about him
and she holds him and kisses him
and he does the same for her
and they're in love
perfect for each other
and he and i were never meant to be
because he deserved more than i could offer
he deserved better than me
and he wasn't meant for me
so, i'm coming to all these conclusions
and i miss my friend
and all i can do is cry
and let it all go eventually
because i'm holding it all right now.