Black Parenting : CHILD SUPPORT: A TACTIC FOR SURVIVAL?

The average monthly child support payment for one child is $250. Calculate 250x12Mx18Y = $54,000 worth of payments throughout the child's youth; give or take a few thousand for missed payments, and adjustments for the cost of living. Why a ?long-term golddiger? would have a baby and keep it from the father for that meager amount... is beyond me.

Personally, I feel if the custodial parent is receiving less than $500, they are being cheated. There's RENT, food, medical bills, entertainment, utility bills, holidays, birthdays, school events, summer break events, et cetera that the non-custodial parent would have to foot by themselves, in whole, if they had custody and received little to no support. On top of that, the custodial parent has total responsibility for the child, and is NOT free to come & go as they please; whereas, the non-custodial parent IS.

Peace
 
There's a lot of great points in this thread, and as a single mother who is now dealing with the system I'd like to add my perspective. First off, when we say that womben are scheming to have children so they can live off child support let us recognize just how removed from a true nuclear family we have fallen.

1. Let's say a womban receives on average $450-$600 US dollars / month for a baby. She cannot live on that. Can you? IMHO a decent salary for a modest middle class existence which most of want or strive to keep requires $2500 / month, not $600. In what part of North America on a good day are we renting an apartment, or getting a mortgage for $600 / month? And even if the mortgage is only $600-800 / month doesn't she eat and nourish the baby? Really???

A father that is content to put he child in an area of the city with a high crime rate is a jerk, why bother to plant a seed in good soil only to feed the pearls to swine?

So let's keep it real. On child support a womban isn't living off anyone.

2. I'm so offended by the term unemployed. Funny, how in my domestic situation, I was classified as being unemployed. how about a housewife, or house mom? Oh I forgot, unless the man says it's work we don't count it.

And are we forgetting the Nationalism programs ran in the U.S, Europe and Canada? Are we blind to the reproductive agendas to foster more babies by white womben, so much so that they are PAID TO PRODUCE THEM??? And when a BLACK WOMBAN SAYS, HEY I LOVE YA ENOUGH TO PUT IN THE TIME, AND DO WHAT I CAN NATURALLY, WE DENOUNCE HER FOR KNOWING SHE'S WORTH SOMETHING!

This mentality that, we ought to have babies for free, and out of love is a outdated notion that needs to go with the commercialized romanticism of sex. Why? Because a player only loves you when he's playing, and love can walk out the door just as quickly as it walked in, so it's not the best premise to be reproducing to.

We are aware that a housewife on average would command a 6 figure salary if her tasks had to be outsourced in the market, but instead of advocating to give of wives / girlfriends a tax deductible salary far and above the poverty line, we just gripe about them as pocket leechers. Like Tupac said, we got money for wars but we can't feed the poor.


3. This notion that all a black womban has to say is that he beat me, is B.S. Because unless there are physical signs of abuse and they have to be profound no one is getting charged nevermind convicted. What brothers don't want to admit or own up to, is the amount of emotional, financial and verbal abuse that goes down, so there is no physical scar just a broken sense of self-esteem. I really want to elaborate on this because I see it wrecking havoc in our relationships and we don't want to talk about it.

a) Having affairs when your girlfriend / wife is pregnant is straight suicidal. She's hormonal and you're going to threaten her sense of security with affairs? Hmmm.....

b) holding back money so that she only gets to make ends meet, and there's nothing left over for her self-improvement is grounds for separation.

c) not taking the time to actually read and prepare yourself for what she's going to need and want post-partum is negligent and self-indulgent, so don't trip when all of a sudden this Black womban remembers herself and her worth and tells you to man up or get out.

d) what about the men who seek out womben from families with money? The plot here is that the family will take of his responsibility, and he can go on and do what he pleases.

e) Men have been using womben for centuries to make babies, knowing full well that he was just manipulating her emotions so that he could get her to carry and raise his seed. Once the child is born his interest in both her and the child fades away drastically and he wants to get back to his old self.

f)this double standard of what is acceptable for white womben isn't alright for Black womben has got to go. Standard maternity leave in Canada is 1 year for the mother. Not 6 weeks, not 3 months, 1 year. In parts of Europe the mother and father each receive a year of maternity leave because every child development expert knows that the first 2 years of a child life form the rest of his blueprint for success! Measure that out. If our men are so determined to raise up their nation, then start by providing for your wife and child so that she isn't working for the first year, and by year two either you can take over or she's able to manage both the baby and extra income.

g) for every child that a man has been held accountable for by the system, how many more did he leave behind?

h) Is it really that inconceivable for us to expecting our womben to produce children and work the fields too? I mean really. Just because it was done during slavery doesn't mean it's a tradition to continue. That's the kicker, so many young men raised by single mothers who had no outside support and had to go to work, leaving their babies with someone else. That's nothing to brag about, it's hardship. Being separated from your baby so that you can put food on the table is detrimental and stressful and a product of patriarchy!

Instead of wanting better for their own children and grandchildren these same ghetto minded individuals figure that since they got through it, their own kids will find a way to survive to.

i) How many fathers pimp out their child's mothers and we don't talk about that! I know of men who would deliberately walk away, watch the mother and infant become homeless so that he could take custody of the child. Once he has the baby, (because she's in a shelter or homeless), she is forced to support his lazy backside with child support. So it works both ways, let's not get it twisted. There are scheming brothers out there, that figure a Black womban owes them something for having given her his SEED. No ain't some ish....

There are brothers out there that will do nothing to help at home, or have to be nagged into contributing constantly, hoard all the money, not spend any time raising the child, only playing with it for an hour or two, and then tell his partner she needs to be financially independent. His contribution to her well being is telling her she looks tired, or that she nags to **** much, and that he doesn't have to listen to her ish, and or he tunes her out entirely because her needs, wants and desires are irrelevant now that he has her on lockdown! It's amazing how much of an arsehole some men can become when they know that someone depends on them for survival! While they haven't beaten their womban, they are beating down their womban - ya feel me? And when the time is right and she's resigned herself to a life of former hueman being, he sneaks off with other womben because his home turf has been tamed.

I don't advocate the child support system because it's a tracking system for sure, and it gives the government access to all your affairs, and nobody wants that, but if the man is too much of a B **** to support the seed he so proudly planted then what's a womban to do?

Cuz I'm in the middle of this process I'm not comfortable documenting my own ancedotes right now, but in time when I sit back and look at where i came from, I'll let it all air out. In the meantime, I can say that I am really fortunate to have had a home where my dad did provide for his family. My mom never had to beg my pops for no money, and we kids always had what we needed (not always what we wanted, but definately what we needed), so I'm not about advocating for less than that just because racism poses a struggle for our men.

What I would say to our womben folk though, is don't get caught up in the hype of having babies to save the nation, talk is cheap and politics breeds pawns not warriors.

Have an agreement in writing before you get pregnant about what's expected financially and make sure that he's in it for your best interest, not just using your womb because he thinks you're a "breeder". And I know you've all heard that term of something like it before.

If he leaves you once, don't take him back because he'll leave you again, so having babies number 2, and 3 is only going to drive you crazy and leave you at the mercy of a cruel system

My advice to men, well that's another post. But I'm not ready to write that just yet.

Htpu,
Thanks for telling from a sistah's point of view. I can't wait for the advice to men. Hurry up and write that!!! :em0100:
 
This is one old thread! I remember writing a poem behind this topic that never did post. I wanted to post it into the poetry section at one point as well. Here it goes-

103cwlh.gif


This baby looks nothing like me- so why she claiming he's mine?
And if I don't pay the child support I end up doing time?
This baby looks nothing like me – so why she playing this game?
And if I don't pay the child support it's me everybody will blame?
This baby looks like that Dude she used to roll with...what's his name- James?
Her mind is made up that I'm the Daddy- this whole situation's insane.
This baby looks nothing like me- I don't need a DNA test to tell.
If this is a plot to take what I got- then she can just go to _ell.
Look at this baby- this baby looks nothing like me! Did she lose her mind??
I hate these Women who think they can punk me! Just because they fine...
This baby looks nothing AT ALL like me- and I don't need a test to prove it.
And if she tries to get me- Lord help me- I'm packing all my stuff and moving.
This baby looks like the Bouncer, he worked at the Club where I met her.
She asked me If I wanted her stop stripping- I shouldn't have let her...
This baby looks like that Guy on her old block, sold weed, socks and blunts.
She was always attracted to those Thug-types, the ones that hustles and hunts.
This baby looks nothing like me- she been planning this for months!
Sounds to me like she's tired of working, that's why she pulling these stunts.
This baby looks nothing like me!! She might even lie and say I raped her!
In the name of Biggie Smalls- why she trying to stick me for my paper?
She knows this baby looks nothing like me- I don't even know why she would bother....
He's a handsome little brotha though...might grow up to be a Lady's Man
just like his Father.
 
Basically, my view is this ... Sisters and Brothers have complete control prior to that one sexual act that produces the child. By engaging in that one act, they basically relinquish control of their life, and make themselves subject to all that's been mentioned (and more). If they don't want to experience any of this stuff, then they should not partake in the act ... or do it as responsibly as possible.

If you have sex and produce a child ... you're subject to WHATEVER comes. Period. (no puns intended ... lol)

Therefore, i encourage us to make wise decisions before putting ourselves at the mercy of others.

My position is the same as above, it's way too late to be crying, after the milk dun already spiltededed.

Love Yall!

:heart:

Destee
 
Goddess Phynxofkmt- thank you for your honesty, now that I've taken the time to read your thoughts I can present some honest solutions that both Mothers like yourself and Men/Fathers can benefit from.

There are many different circumstances that have to be addressed as far as "child support" is concerned. And yes there are in fact Women who have children for survival, it is a fact unfortunately. There are some Mothers who say - I would be homeless without my children because welfare, section 8 housing, food stamps etc., came to their aide.

First we must understand the Government's implication of so-called "child support" has nothing to do with the child, instead it is for the reduction of the Governments welfare burden- to relieve the state's financial responsibility. Now, get behind closed doors with most Government officials this is what they will tell us. Of course there is more to that picture, but that's the skinny of it.

This is an important idea to focus on, because the state's "welfare burden" has nothing to do with children, however this facet is often used as the "poster child" for such matters. Let's keep in mind also that most Black Families in America have been depending on Government mandated welfare programs since slavery. This has not changed. Meanwhile in NO STATE IN AMERICA is social-welfare services a top priority. Thus, the Black Family is not a top priority. How ironic that we've come to believe a Black Family now runs it.

So here's the true reality, because I glance at "real world" Black family budgets just about every month. I know what the Lawyers earn and I know what the Mechanics earn. Child support is not a financial issue it is a social issue.

The illusion is that most of us believe the term "broken family" is only for poor Black folks. The richest of the rich from the poorest of the poor have broken family issues to which "child support" has been designated as a source of reparations. The difference however for rich is that they are happy to pay child support (in most cases) while the poor complain about it.

There's a reason why the "rich" or I would even say "the financially educated" celebrate Child Support in some cases because first of all, unknown to some of the wisest people in business- child support can be a tax-write off so long as your Ex is declared as an Employee or even Business partner. 2nd, time is literally money for the rich so paying child support only gives them more time to make money and they don't even see it as breaking even in some cases, they see it as a profit!

So you see this why we don't hear about complaints about child support from the rich. Russell Simmons and P. Diddy both pay thousands of dollars a month in child support. What we fail to realize is that the rich are plugged into systems of wealth building. Russell "agreed" to pay his Ex-Wife $40,000 a month in child support. Do we know what that is for Russell? That's one 30 minute speaking engagement for him. Big deal, he has to run his mouth for 12 times a year for 30 minutes each- he satisfies his child support obligation without even touching his $500 million net worth.

And by hearing such stories the poor and working poor have the incorrect notion about what child support really is. Because we hear about the rich paying out $40,000- $20,000 a month- Women are say- Ooooh I can live on that. That's not what child support is. Government mandated child-support is meant to paydown a percentage of the interest on the state's welfare burden, a welfare system created not for the poor to begin with, but for the middle class.

Back in the real world- across the board in America the average child support payment is somewhere in the neighborhood of $125-$350 per month per child. Those paying around $125 are below the poverty line while those paying about $350 are way above it. And while Black folks look good off pennies- the average living wage in America is $25-35,000 a year.

The reason why these calculations are important is because again, we are looking at the state's welfare burden- not the child. The child has nothing to do with this- the child is only used as an excuse. This is why all states have different calculations for child support. It's not about what the Father and Mother is earning, it's about what the totality of Mothers and Fathers are earning collectively.

When we look at how the child support system is designed, bear in mind we are dealing with social engineers not the average Joe on the street. We are talking about wealth and power here. Those who are in power maintain the wealth. Snatch up any so-called "dead-beat" Father, and yes even the athletes making millions of dollars- and put them all in a line-up- I guarantee- 99.9% of these Men are the products of poor social structures. That's just about everywhere in America isn't it? And my native African Brothas and Sisters would correct me by saying- everywhere the European has landed his foot. There are "child maintenance laws" forming all over Africa.

And we will ask the question now. shouldn't the Father/Mother pay child support? Yes of course. But is Government child support really child support? No it is not. And it is definitely not Ex-Wife or Ex-Girlfriend support either.

First of all, even if a Man pays over $1,000 a month for his child, that is not support. And if we live in a society that renders such materialism as forms of support it's no wonder we are in trouble. And I'm not saying the Father shouldn't share the financial responsibility for the child. I am saying don't call it child support because it is not.

Children need more than money for support, last I checked they needed Fathers also. What is happening within society is that too much emphasis is placed on monetary support and there are indeed millions of Fathers that pay their support with no problem, yet- they do not care about the child. See my point? What effects the child more over the long run? My Father didn't pay my mother child support? or My Father doesn't love or care about me?

The person left to raise the child either way is the Mother in most cases. But we don't see this as a collective because the poor- those without money think that money fixes everything. A Millionaire once told me personally that money is not the solution to every problem but it's a damm good deterrent. And for those of us that work very hard for ours, we know that having enough money is never enough. The reality for the Black Family is difficult period, even without the bearing of children. Perhaps we should work towards having a low fertility rate like Japan but this is not what Africans have been about culturally.

Our ability to create wealth and health should always supersede our ability to create children. And I would say without real health there is no real wealth, its just madness.

I offer this as a solution for working Mothers who are supporting children on their own- your fight in not with the Father, because that is a fight you will never win. Even if you do get in him jail, or even if you do get him for 20-23% of his income, what you inherit as a replacement is more burden. I've never met a so-called "Baby Momma" who was happy even with child support unless she stopped the negativity and went on with her life.

We have to start seeing children as investments and not burdens. Real child support is love and making arrangements to allow the Father to fall in love in the child will be more beneficial to you than any court. It's easy for you to love a child that was part of you for 9 months, he must fall in love just as you did. Sometimes Mothers claim babies too quickly as possessions and this allows to Fathers to implement an escape plan. Try "Our child" instead of "My child."

Most Mothers won't even get the empowerment of what was just said. A real Man and Father- I don't care who he is- will always protect what he loves. Don't think because a Man acknowledges a child as his that he loves that child. If the Father does not love the child, every dollar you get from him will be laced in the poison of regret. And this is energy you do not need.

Next- you must understand the Father can only do for the child what he able to do for himself. He is not required to do what you expect of him because you were not his educator, take up those complaints with his Mother if you need too. So when a Father loves his child, he will love that child in the same way he loves himself and that may not always be in the way you expect him too. But this the Man you chose. You already made that choice.

When it comes down to actual financial ends and money, I would recommend a 3rd party that is not the Government. A healthy relationship with the Father's family is very useful. If the family wants nothing to do with you or you don't want nothing to do with them- then close mutual friends can help. If there are no mutual friends- then employ other Mothers to assist you in the mediation for the financial aid on your child's behalf. These issues should be ironed out before the child is over a year old because the older the child gets the more difficult it will be for you to establish a loving role for the Father as well as a financial commitment.

When I said treat you child as an investment, I meant that literally. There are many ways that Fathers have come to enjoy paying child support especially when they are in love with their child and see the future they are headed towards. The love and creativity you feed your child the more most real Fathers are willing to invest. The Father will want to be part of a life that is special. Why is it that way? Why are we Human? It's all part of the package we call life.

The catch to all of this? A Man will chew off his arm to get away from a Woman that keeps bringing up broken promises. IE- you promised to love me. Your promised to take care of me. This method is one of the reasons the majority of Men stay away, and if he is staying away from you he is also staying away from the child. A creative technique that I learned from a female friend- a very mature and strong Mother Goddess I will add, is that she wants nothing to do with her Ex- but she doesn't use that attitude to keep their daugther away from him either. He doesn't want anything to do with her either, and most likely to keep from seeing her he wouldn't see the child either. So what did she do? She uses an Elder Mother in the family to communicate with him, they make arrangements for him to spend them with his daugther, buy her clothes etc. They never have to talk to each other. So there are ways around the pain and regret, don't let it get in the way of building a relationship with the Father.

Let's go create a better way to maintain children, and give the Euros back their system- PS- it isn't working anyway.

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