Black Relationships : Cheating (Stay or Go)

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Nov 14, 2009.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Some people say you're weak for staying with a person who cheats, and that you're strong if you were to just leave that person.

    Others say you're weak for leaving a person who cheats, and that you're strong for sticking by them....

    Which side are you on?
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Cheating .......It's well known to be a losing game . to stay is to accept lies/betrayal
    and self inner pain and stress.... yet one whom cheat can redeem self from the lustful
    mistake made against one's mate , to leave is like a safe habor to rid self from a liar
    free from doubts of it happening again as well self comfort to be love'd completely
    wit honesty.

    Cheating has been a double edge sword two sided coin and controversy
    some stay out of not weakness but true love some leave not from weakness
    but from the reality of what is and seek betterment in there life.

    A cheater is not always a cheater .....redemption
    yet a cheater can become weaken by da lustful enterlure of the other sex

    these the kind that will cheat forever and not worthy , to sum it up cheating
    is a game for losers.
     
  3. blkbutterfly41

    blkbutterfly41 Banned MEMBER

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    Hmmmmmmmmm, I have to ask a lot of questions. - Why did you cheat ?? Is it habitual or just once ?? Was he attached emotionally or was it just sex ?? Was protection used ??? No protection !!! ............... He is soooooooooo gone. Did you feel guilty and remorseful ?? Yes, hmmmmm, You are on punishment for sure. Or Did I have to catch you in a lie , then you confessed ??


    To be honest, It really just depends. I know we all make mistakes. If I truly value the man and what he brings to the table. He is genuinely remorseful. We work on building the trust back. And most importantly , he considered me to some extent ad used protection properly. Then yes.

    If he is an habitual cheater. Lies constantly. I can't trust him. Nope, its over.

    And to answer your question, nope & nope. That makes me human. lol

     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I agree........
     
  5. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    Hmmm....I say that this is no "black or white" dilemma. It's an individual assessment/decision according to different factors.

    Some people stay in such a relationship, not to truly reconcile/repair the relationship but just to make the cheater's life a living hell, operating out of spite and anger (even when the cheater is remorseful)....But, that behavior is not sincerely trying to rebuild the trust and move on.

    However, a "repeat offender" cheater, IMO, does not deserve any "stand by your mate" dedication.---I say, "Drop that zero and git yo-self a hero!"

    Some people make a distinction between a "one-night-stand" and a prolonged affair on the side.

    And then, I've known couples who have survived an infidelity in their relationships and been able to stay together for many years past it.

    So, again, I think "to leave or stay" is a case-by-case situation. It's not always so "cut-and-dried."


    Besides, how easy it is to say what one would do in a situation until you're the one in the situation??
     
  6. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Only YOU know what yor willing to put up with. If you allow cheating once, you may as well call your relationship, "open". But if you cool with that, do you.


    Peace
     
  7. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have never been cheated on, but I have cheated. I have no 'side' to be on, because it's a little more complicated than that.

    To sum up what can be lengthy story, it's like this. I had issues - I lacked love and attention as a child and teen. I met my first boyfriend, gave him some sex shortly afterwards because I was curious, precocious, and I thought it was the thing to do if you had a boyfriend. Being with him was a way to mentally and emotionally escape from my dysfunctional home life. I had a baby, got into a fight with family and had to leave. We made our way and moved in together. After 6 years and 2 kids, the church 'encouraged' us to get married. I reluctantly agreed because I literally thought it would get the 'devil' out of our relationship and our problems would cease. It didn't and I immediately regretted getting married about 2 months into it. Over the years we had a few ups but many downs. He was emotionally void and distant, and I was emotionally needy. I met someone who I thought could fulfill my emotional need and it led to intimacy. When the affair broke in an unexpected and unacceptable way, I blurted it out my husband during a argument. We had the most severe fight ever (physical and verbal). I understood he was hurt and angry, but I resented his possessiveness all the sudden - someone had gotten into his kootykat and he was dam mad about that.

    In the subsequent time after, I think he stills wants to stay together - so in a sense this marriage can be 'saved' but I'm not willing to save it. There is too much unresolved unrest. He is still hurt, does not trust me, often alludes to me being a 'whore' and has jealousy issues. I know if I continue to stay, I will still be unhappy and resentful of holding in my emotions that I can not share with him (communication has always been our weakest point, sex the strongest). His insecurities has grown strong, and the beautiful dimpled smile that I thought was one of his most beautiful features (still is whenever he smiles - he has straight white teeth, full even colored brown lips) has grown bleak and I think it mocks me.

    This is what many men and women go through when someone cheats. They hurt, they agonize, they don't trust, they resent. Can a marriage or relationship lasts through that? Yes.. with open and honest communication, with confidence and self-worth, with realizing that you are who you are and that the only person you can control is you, not the other person. But if you can't come this conclusion, then I bade anyone to let it go.

    Background has a lot to do with why women may stay in a relationship with a cheater. Women may stay with a cheating dog if they are taught to value men over themselves - meaning they have lost their own value and self-worth and find it in the man they are with. This is true especially if a single woman and has many children, or has not been deemed unattractive, or have had many sexual partners, or has been physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. Heterosexual cheating is tacitly accepted by a lot of women, and it's often accepted by the church. They believe that 'a man will be a man' and that many men will often desire another woman or a different 'piece' every now and then. Churches often teach women to put up with it, to pray for their man, and be 'available' to him so he doesn't stray or stray less. Leaving or divorcing a man, especially when he is financially supporting the household or fulfilling other 'traditional' roles like being a protector - is often looked down upon by the church, the community, and other women.
     
  8. Black Squared

    Black Squared Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If there are no children between us, I'm out. If there are and it's salvageable, we can try to work it out. If it happened again, I'm out and taking the kids because she is an unfit parent AND wife.
     
  9. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister MedusaNegrita ... going around our banned word list is not allowed, and you can be banned for it, as well as other things.

    Do be careful.

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  10. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sorry. This was before I read the rules and regulations you presented in response to my post about forum trolls and such. I'll try to use the word vagina. Groin. Labia. Kootykat? Something like that.
     
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