Black Relationships : Cheating....Forgive vs. Breaking up

lol@ JeHi..
Yes cheating is wrong
How many times should you forgive? That depends on the situation.
I believe if it's a marriage,you have to try to forgive because marriage is Holy and special kind of bond.
But If they continue to cheat in the marriage, I feel it's ok to move on because it's a sin...
adultery...(Mathew 5:28).
My husband cheated,but I chose to try to work on our relationship.It is very painful.I had to learn to lean on the Lord for stunff....lol I mean stength
Honestly,things are not the same,not so much as me wondering if he's still cheating,but I think he is insecure and ashamed.
For 3 years I have tried to hold this relationship together,but I'm getting worn.
I believe divorce is in my future.
God wants me to be happy.
I tried,but I feel it's time to move on.
I deserve to have peace and joy.
But I did try.
 
I think that it's a waste of time to cheat. I mean, if you don't want to be monogomous, be by yourself and just sleep with many different people. It's better than trying to duck and dodge the one you're with. There are plenty of men and women out there that will give you what you need without the commitment. I think you save the commitment for someone you want to really be faithful to, and hopefully they'll do the same with you. So, on that note, I would never accept a woman back, under any circumstances, if she cheated. Dating or marriage. I could never look at her the same, and that's important to me. I have to be able to put the woman I love high above any other women I've been with. How could I do that if she can even be faithful to me???
 
Foxi said:
I really don't think its a good idea to forgive because you really don't know if the person is sincere or not. IT's best not to just go down that road again. 5 times out of ten you will probably get your heart broken again anyway.So, why even try?


Hi Foxi. One thing that people have a misconception about is forgiveness. Forgiveness is NOT about the other person. It is about you. I'll give you an example. Grab the popcorn. :lips: My mom and dad got divorced when I was in the second grade. My dad has done a number of things that were hurtful to my mom, myself and my little sister. He'd tell us he was coming to get us for the weekend and we'd be packed and sitting out on the porch for hours waiting for him. He lied to us. He lied to others about his involvement with us. He thought he was getting back at my mom for divorcing him by the way he treated us. He did all sorts of other stuff, that I won't even spend the time talking about, but basically my sister and I were MAD. We were very angry with him for several years. I didn't even want to invite him to my graduation. We didn't release that anger. That anger stayed inside of us and every time we would see him we'd get more angry and just throw it on top of the rest of the anger. This anger grew and it festered and spread to different areas of my life. It affected my self esteem. It affected my relationships with boys / men. It affected how I treated myself. It affected how I treated others. This anger was an anchor that would not allow me to do what was right for me.

One day, I let it go. I forgave my dad. It wasn't something I thought to do. I just felt overcome with peace. I could feel wind blowing over me and It just left me. Looking back now, I know that I would have NEVER in a BILLION years believe that I could forgive my dad after what he put us through, but I did. I stopped allowing his actions to control me. I cut the emotional tie that his actions had to my life. I never forgot anything, but if it comes up in my mind, I don't feel myself getting hurt or angry about it. I acknowledge that it happened and move on. I don't dwell on it with him or anybody else. My dad and I have a much better relationship and you know what, he hasn't changed a bit. He is still the same exact person, but he is my dad and I love him and he loves me always.

Now back to my point, forgiveness is never about the other person. Whether he is sincere in his apologies or not, it is not about him. You can forgive him and be out if necessary. Holding grudges and being mad at someone for a long time doesn't hurt the other person. It hurts you. You can't accept God's blessing until you clear out that space that your anger takes up and replace it with love. Only then can you realize God's blessings for you.

Another thing, (as you can see, I'm a bit long winded). :jumping: I may sound a little preachy, and I'm sorry if I do, but anyway...Everything happens for a reason. In all of our experiences there are lessons to be learned. If you don't learn your lesson the first time, it will keep happening over and over again. So you can kick the brother to the curb, but if you didn't learn the lesson, the next person you end up with can do the same thing to you. So here you think you've gotten away from the problem and then you run right into again with someone new. Take the time to learn from your experiences- all of them, because there is a lesson in all of them.
 

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