Black Relationships : Cheating....Forgive vs. Breaking up

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by kente417mojo, Feb 5, 2004.

  1. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey brothas and sistas. Question.....would you ever give a person that cheated on you a second chance? Many people have different views on this subject obviously. Some say you should always forgive if a person is truly sorry, and some say that if they cheat once, they'll do it again. I'd like to know what you all think about it.
     
  2. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I may be jumping the gun, but my answer is ...NO !! not in today's world. 20 years ago if your mate cheated on you and you decided to take him/her back the only thing you really had to worry about is..maybe a broken heart, maybe bad words, maybe some misunderstandings. but in todays times...it only takes ONE to kill ONE...(aids don't discrinmentate)!!!...that's just my opinion. peace
     
  3. Livinitlovinit

    Livinitlovinit Member MEMBER

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    No, No, No, No....It's just me!! Sorry or not, I'm gonna be single!! I can forgive somethings, but this is something I will NEVER forgive!!
     
  4. cojamalik

    cojamalik Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Cheating....Forgive or Breaking uo

    Much as I don't want to accept it, if a person cheats on you once they will probably do it again. Especially if you don't resolve the issue of why the person did it in the first place. It has been my experience that after the cheating has occured, the cheater only wants to apologize and rationalize instead of looking deeper into the reason why. If you fail to address the why now , then you will certainly address it again. When the cheating has happened again.
     
  5. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree. If someone cheats on me that's it. No matter how much I love her or want to be with her, there is no excuse for that. Obviously I'm not what you want if you allow someone else to get in your pants. It's deeper than that though. I want the person I'm with to think about me whenever some dude tries to get at her. I want her to think about how much she wants to be the one for me and that there is no one else that can take my place. Something to that effect...ya know? If that doesn't happen, then that's probably why the cheating occurs. But I would definately give no second chances under any circumstances. There would be no trust and no respect. If you take a cheater back they will never respect you.
     
  6. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    To Err is Human, to Forgive is Divine…

    Although, it seems the overwhelming consensus on this page is not to forgive…
    However, I think that breaking up is more difficult if you’re married or have children.
    It’s interesting…I know a lot of people who have been married or in relationships, that sincerely believed this way and when confronted with the situation, they did just as they said and separated or divorced. However, if you ask them 5 to 10 years after the break up… they often give responses such as… “If I had to do it again, I would have made it work or given him/her another chance”…. Not saying that this is always the case…but I’ve heard this more times than I could believe.

    With that said…I also believe that every situation is different and must and will be handled uniquely. But…believe, if a person has cheated…they are and will always be capable of cheating…and “Peace” of mind will never truly return, nor will the “Trust”.

    In short…I’m just saying there’s no “answer in a can” for this type of situation.
     
  7. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Honestly....

    Personally, if I love them I would give them a second chance. I know that there is a chance they might cheat again, but I'll just have to take that risk. Some might say that I'm crazy, but I look at how many times I cheated on God with my own personal sins and wrongdoings, but He never once left me or did away with me even tho He knew I would sin again.Now that's love. If we loved each other like God loves us, and if we would be willing to suffer just a little, this whole world would be a BETTER place. God sent His only son to die for all of us....and if He was willing to die for me, then I should have enough 4giveness in my heart to 4give man.

    :heart:Nita:heart: :angel1:
     
  8. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    YES.......
    forgive ....
    to do so is likes of GOD he so loveth you to forgive all sins
    and forgiveness is the key that builds from the mistake made
    i dis-agree coz it can bond mates , lovers together from the mistake made as we all know temptation is strong from the pits
    of the devil
    Break - ups !
    if you hold a heart a love and understanding you can forgive
    the wrongdoer from the wrong where as trust will have to be renewed by the inner feelings as actions and words you may not forget it coz it will always play in the back of the mind until true
    security is formed again and yes it take a longer time to trust as the mate help instill that tuste not all cases can be helped and it's not that the person is a once a cheater always a cheater but
    that person is down right no good has no feeling just living to be
    with whomever i think a cheater can be reformed from the temptation of crossing lines and then come to play whom they cheat with ....
    sometime to forgive and move forward can save even more pain
    down the road in years now it really matter what we lable or see
    as cheating i've heard cheating can be many different things and ways i think cheating can be forgiven and break-ups can be void
    as trust is renewed and love is instill back in the heat of feelings
    and mentally caress the thoughts i know many who took this path but today you would never know there was a problem from one of them who had cheated this really can run and in both direction for the good or bad it's all in the matter of the cheating and how it will affect you mentally , spiritually & physically how the emotions re-act and what you may feel down the line this what has strip many relationships apart ...
    yes cheating can be deeper then one may know also can be forgiven far beyond what you may know it all in the feelings and heart and how love is stain by the action just my thoughts .
     
  9. Sapphdia

    Sapphdia Active Member MEMBER

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    Wow. I was a quite surprised at the number of people that said they wouldn't forgive. When I was younger, I used to think that I would never stay with a man who cheated on me, but as I got older (yes I'm only 26), I've changed my mind. If I truly loved him, I would do my best to forigve him. I know it wouldn't be easy, but I would at least give it a try. I wouldn't be asking for advice from my friends, because I would be asking the wrong person. I would consult with God.

    I think that the reason so many marriages end is because some people don't want to put in the work. Once an obstacle comes up they want to throw all of it away. They don't want to get down and dirty and into the root of the problem. You could find out that the root of the problem involves you and you don't want to take responsibility for the part you played in him cheating. He is soley to blame, you think. "How could I possibly have anything to do with him cheating on me? I am the victim here!" Packing your stuff or his stuff is not going to get you answers. It isn't going to solve the problem.

    Cheating is not the root. In order to work it out we have to get down to the bottom of this. The cheating could be a sign of a deeper problem. Ending the affair and not talking about it is like aspirin, it only covers up the symptoms. It is not the solution to a deeper problem.
     
  10. cojamalik

    cojamalik Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I used to think stand by your man was the right thing to do, but what if he is not standing by you. How many times can you forgive? Are you to forgive and give until there is nothing left of you. Cheating tears the person down who is being cheated on down. I know some people think self sacrafice is noble or loyal, but there comes a time that you have to be loyal to yourself. Sometimes you have to save you and just walk away, because being with the cheater is just to draining on you. It doesn't mean you don't love the other person, it may just mean that you love yourself. I may be wrong, I don't think cheating just happens, I think that if only for a split second, a person makes a conscious choice to cheat. If someone makes a conscious decision to hurt someone they love, is that really the person they should be with. I see so many people that just accept that cheating is going to happen in a relationship. Call me naive, but I have not accepted that. I forgave my boyfriend when he cheated on me when I was pregnant with his twin sons, yes he did it again and again. So I had to say it is over. I had to save my sons an myself. What type of example would I be setting for my sons if I allowed their father to continue to cheat on me. I would be teaching my sons that it is perfectly OK to treat women with disrespect. In 15 years I would be sending to very handsome womanizers out into the world for black women to talk about. Is there ever an acceptable reason for Cheating?
     
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