Black Women : CELLULITE AND STRETCH MARKS SYMBOLS OF HONOR, TOO...

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by Isaiah, Feb 2, 2006.

  1. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I know that in this society, where one has to be unblemished and polished perfection - particularly women - to be considered beautiful, that my opening thread statement will not go over well with those of us who've ingested the "values" and mores of this society, but let me explain...

    Firstly, women gain weight during their pregnancies, and of course, some stretch marks and cellulite proceed from that, and that is the context in which I speak... When I looked at my ex after the babies, I didn't see that slab of floppy fat immediately afterwards... I saw the baby, and knew that was the price she had paid for all of us, and thought that a very honorable and substantive thing she'd done... In fact, she was more concerned with the flab, and the stretch marks, and the cellulite than I, and wasn't nothing I could do to convince he otherwise... Hence, I could not rub her stomach - as I had done before and during the pregnancy - without her gently takin my hand, and very roughly tossing it to the side... Man, there'd be fight if I tried forcing the issue, too!(smile!) So, I would ask her what the heck her problem was all of sudden, and she confided that she wanted to get back to being in good shape, and nice and tight and smooth like before the pregnancy, and had me convinced it was all being done for me...

    Well, I hadn't asked her for all that, so I knew it was a combination of her vanity, and what the society had convinced her she needed to be to be attractive... The stretch marks, in her and the society's opinion, are not honorable, just ugly and unsightly... Maybe I'm just a space cadet, but I don't agree with that... I do think stretch marks are honorable, and I even think that cellulite is alright as long as sister is healthy, and her weight is not a health issue... In short, stretch marks are part of the continuation of life on this planet, and what could be more honorable than that??? Your opinions on this???



    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  2. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    Well, I don't think cellulite and stretch marks are beautiful, but since they are hard to get rid of miswell try to find a way to love oneself regardless.

    You have to understand too that for many women, no matter how much their mate loves them and is attracted to them, if they don't fit the media image of beautiful, with the right weight, hair, etc. they might still feel bad about themselves. It is difficult being a woman because if you have an element about yourself society considers unattractive (especially in the area of weight), you are considered more than just ugly but just inhuman.

    It is indeed a hidden form of sexism within the general construct of American culture (this means it affects everyone), that many don't catch because of 'health' issues or 'attactiveness' issues. Indeed, if a woman is obese and the doctor says she needs to lose weight, then that's one thing (though she should try to still feel good about herself while losing the weight). But there are women doing unhealthy things... drinking, smoking, etc. nobody says anything about that if she's small and attractive. There are also women who are overweight that appear to be healthy, even in the unexpected stuff (blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.). Society picks and chooses, and the main message is, if you're not pretty and you have the nerve to be a woman, you're not worthy.

    This is why I think men should just not date women they don't find attractive, instead of mocking them. Too many times I've seen men (at least online) just belabor how ugly a woman is, instead of just leaving the issue alone. But anyway, until society can start seeing a woman as a complete and total human being, as it does most men, then yes, maybe one day most women could be confident in themselves regardless of how many stretch marks or cellulite they have on their bodies.
     
  3. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Bro. Isaiah, I think it’s wonderful that you feel the way you do about this issue and I’m sure some other men feel the same way, however this is going to be a very hard sell because the reality that most of us women experience EVERYDAY contradicts what you’re saying.

    Many, if not most, women closely watch the way men drool over other good-looking women and those who don’t have blemishes and are tight and firm in all the right places. We listen precisely to what y’all say about women who have firm bodies and about those who don't. We even pay attention to your voice when you talk to an attractive woman and we check her out to see why you might find her attractive. Almost always, her looks are within a certain range. We take note of your body language when an attractive woman is in the vicinity.

    I ain’t gon lie. When I’m sitting in the car with my boyfriend waiting at a red light and an attractive woman is crossing the street, I take note of everything he does. LOL!!

    In your wife’s situation, I would not have wanted your hand on my flabby belly either because I would’ve remembered how turned on you once were to my firmness and unblemished skin--how HOT you thought my firm body was. How could you now have changed your opinion so drastically? I would have felt you were just trying to make me feel better about my unappealing body.

    I don’t think this situation will change until the majority of typical men can put a flabby woman and a firm woman in the same category and honestly say that they’re EQUALLY appealing. Until then, what you’re saying will fall on deaf ears for most women. That's just not our reality. But thanks for trying.:kiss2:
    :luvv:
     
  4. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :kiss2: Isaiah what a beautiful statement, but the reality for most of us is not every man feels the way you do. I had my daughter at 20 when I was married and I got major streth marks on my belly! She was 8 pounds and 3 ounces and I had gained 80 pounds with her.After 23 hours of labor, opening up 8cm and then receving a c-section because my vitals were dangerously high , when i got home from the hospital i was changing my clothes and my now exhusband just starts laughing for no reason! So I start laughing too not knowing what he's laughing at and asked what's so funny? and he said your stomach looks like my n*t sack! I almost died having your child and you made a statement like that!
    My baby will be 10 this yr and most of the stretch marks are very light!
    They don't bother me anymore because I know my baby was worth it!:kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2:
    she see's them and she said mama how come you got so many on your belly? and I say girl that's from you, she said uh uh, I say yes baby these are mama's love notes that carried you in my womb:kiss2: :kiss2:
     
  5. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ladies, I hear what you're saying... I just wanted some feedback on this...

    BTW, I didn't say that Stretch marks and Cellulite were beautiful, I said stretch marks are symbols of honor...particularly when they are the result of pregnancy...

    And yeah, Karma & Riada, she did feel ugly and unworthy after the baby(ies), and no matter how much I reassured her, she maintained that position until she lost the weight... Which is why I wonder if it's all about the society, or other external forces... It's just insecurity on the part of women, I think(smile!)

    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  6. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Cursed Heart, that's a terrible story of insensitivity... Unfortunately, a lot of men are just straight neanderthal, and theres no subtlety or sensitivity in our game whatsoever... It's just sad...

    The whole child-bearing process/child birth process always intrigued me, and was always something I cherished and respected... I am no longer with the mother of my children, but she will always have my respect - always... She gave me the greatest gift one human being can give to another... I thought that her stretch marks like came with the package, and it was not a thang to see them there...


    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  7. PoeticManifesta

    PoeticManifesta Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    mann i had my 1st set at 14... 5'4... 120lbs.. 4 inches risen in one summer...
    wheres my honor?

    id take a medal n e day ova strech marks.:number1:

    but this was a beautiful post bro..(smile)
     
  8. Sweet baby_face

    Sweet baby_face Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I understand where u come from with the stretch marks as a symbol of honor. But I would rather have my curves without the stretch marks.
     
  9. Tantrum

    Tantrum Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    True Dat I feel ya
     
  10. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Stretch Marks are symbols of HONOR....

    Nowhere did I say that they were things of BEAUTY...

    Everything honorable is not beautiful... If you think so, you're being mad shallow... End of story...


    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
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