Black Short Stories : Carmelita-a garden or orchard

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by chocolate_diva, Mar 29, 2004.

  1. chocolate_diva

    chocolate_diva New Member MEMBER

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    Ok before I began I must tell you that this is the first story I have written. I dont know spanish. The words that I used were from a translator. If you have any suggestions please let me know because im open to making this better.
    Carmelita
    A garden or orchard.

    Capítulo Uno
    Carmelita stood in line patiently awaiting her dorm room assignment. Everyone around her was loud and unruly. Even though she was nervous she could never admit it to her mother. Somehow her mother has already sensed it. She grabbed Carmelita's hand and gave it a tight squeeze. Usted no tiene nada preocuparse de mi muchacha. She gave her mother a slight smile as the line moved forward. Today was her first day of college and a historically black college at that. Carmelita had been raised around her mother's side of the family and never got a chance to know much about her African American roots. Her father had been killed when she was younger so all she had was pictures and vague memories. Her mother did the best that she could to teach her all that she could about her father and his family but Carmelita felt as if this was not enough. Going to a black college would help her feel close to her father and her African American roots.
    Tennessee State had been one of the many colleges she was accepted to. She heard many girls at her school talking about this University and it's band. She decided to do her own research and went online and got as many facts as she could about Tennessee State. Although it was many miles away from her home state New York. She was ready for change and felt it was time for a new beginning.
    Tierra a Carmelita! Her mother said as waved her hand in front of her face. Were next her mother said with a laugh. She walked towards the counter. What's yo first and last name the girl behind the counter said. Carmlita Mendez-Wilkenson she replied. The girl looked her name up and told her she was in Mary Wilson hall on the third floor. Can you please tell me how to get there she asked. The girl smacked her lips as she handed Carmelita a campus map. Muchacha muda del asno her mother said loudly. Carmelita couldn't help but laugh because her mother had just called the girl a dumb *** in Spanish. It was funny but Carmelita couldn't help but wonder why the girl had an attitude when all she did was ask for directions. After all that was apart of her job.
    After getting lost a couple times trying to follow the map they finally arrived at her room. This is it her mother said with a tone of disgust. Carmelita was also disappointed she knew that she wouldn't be living lavishly but she didn't expect this. The room reminded her of the jail cells she had seen in the movies but with a little touch of class. They both did their best to make the room livable. Once they were done they both sat down on the bed to wait for her roommate. Her roommate had unpacked but had not returned. Now Carmen you don't have to do this her mother said in a serious tone. Mom, she replied this is something that I have to do. I know that may be worried but trust me I'm going to be alright. I know but you're my first and only child and now your so far away I don't know if I can take it her mother said. Carmelita talked to her mother and reassured her that she would be all right even though she wasn't so sure at the moment.
    Two hours had passed and her roommate still had not returned. Her mother decided that it was time to get back on the road before it had gotten late. They both said their good-byes and tried to hold back their tears but after a few minutes it evident that it was impossible. Te amo hija her mother said as she turned to leave. I love you too mommy Carmelita replied. After her mother left she began to feel alone. She realized that she didn't know anyone began to wish that she had never gone so far from home. To pass time she went to the community bathrooms to take a shower. Even the bathrooms were raggedy. There has to be some kind of health code against this she said outloud. The hot shower relaxed her and gave her an escape from the out side world. When she was finished she decided that she would take a nap until it was time for the resident hall meeting. When she got to her room she heard loud rap music coming from her door. Carmelita began to get excited because she was hoping to gain a friend ship with her roommate. She opened the door and said Hi. Silence was the reply that she received and three pair of eyes staring her up and down. Carmelita didn't know whether to turn and run or walk into the room. After what seemed like forever one of the girls said "Your plain as hell". The other two girls began to laugh at their friends rude comment. Carmelita rolled her eyes and headed to her bed. Instantly her hopes of a friendship went down the drain. She grabbed a book and began to read. Actually she pretended to read as she listened to the girls conversation. Once in a while she sneaked glances at them so that she could see what they looked like. The girls were very pretty and all different shades of brown. After a listening for a minute she had gathered many facts about them. Their names were Aisha, Mya and Reminisce but they called her neicy for short. Reminisce was the one who made the rude comment towards her and was also her roommate. It was obvious that the girls had known each other from back home. She listened as the subject changed from boys, fashion, to music all in the matter of minutes while they ignored the fact that she was in the room. Carmelita got tired of listening to the conversation that she wasn't apart of and dozed off to sleep.
    When she awoke she heard the girls talking about her so she pretended to still be asleep. "Look at her she has on Keds" one of the girls said. "And those clothes are definitely from K-mart" another on said. "I bet she thinks she's all that cuz she mixed with long hair". Comments like this went on forever. All she could do was silently cry. How could people be so judgmental? What hurt the most is that she hadn't done anything to these girls and already they didn't like her. Carmen had never experienced anything like this.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome welcome welcome !!!!!

    wow !!!!! what a story i just love ya craftmenship and talent tyte
    this was awesomely done and a great read

    welcome to destee.com short stories
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  3. chocolate_diva

    chocolate_diva New Member MEMBER

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    thanks

    Wow!! it's good to hear words of encouragement! Thanks alot. Others please feel free to tell me what you think and if i should continue or not.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    most welcome and please yes indeed continue
    u are very talented and gifted happy u here to
    share in sweet release let da stories flow
    peace !
     
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