Black Relationships : Caring vs. Obsessing in a Relationship

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Jan 13, 2014.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In a relationship, when is it classified as caring, and when is it classified as an obsession, or is it relative. I need some opinions. Thanks.
     
  2. Gorilla

    Gorilla Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    One is healthy and the other one isn't. Of course the scale may vary a bit for each individual relationship, but that's the distinction I think makes sense.
     
  3. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i need details for what constitutes and healthy and unhealthy.
     
  4. Gorilla

    Gorilla Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think labeling one "caring" and labeling one "obsessing" is a good place to start when figuring out what's the line between healthy and unhealthy.
     
  5. candeesweet

    candeesweet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    On the right track! It's depends on how you feel. Healty or unhealthy about it. Gut feelings.
     
  6. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    give me example of what is considered as caring and what is considered as obsessive to you.
     
  7. Gorilla

    Gorilla Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Focusing on the other person to the point of it being detrimental to yourself. Not being able to move on. Neglecting your own life in favor of theirs, especially if it trends to being a permanent thing.
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    if one has to ask whether they are caring or obsessing ... they're problee obsessing ... or headed that way

    the fact that this question comes to mind ... might be a clue to downsize the caring ... it's becoming obsessive

    if someone says you are caring too much (about them) ... you've problee been obsessing for awhile

    if you're not getting the same level of care back, in return ... you're problee over-doing it ... obsessing

    if you're caring as if you gave birth to this person ... consumed with their well-being ... you're obsessing

    those are a few signs i can think of ... right off the top

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    This is an interesting thread in that it is always about perception and how one views themselves as well as how one was raised. Some people have issues with intimacy and can easily view receiving such from their mate as obsessing. Some people, like myself, are "touchy feely" people, where some people aren't like that and view those that are as being too intimate. (Like how can one be too intimate)...again, all about perception. Some people crave attention and others don't. Those that don't can easily lable those that do as obsessing....again, about perception.

    To care for someone more than they care for themselves is either obsessing or love...now which is it? Let me lay out this example for you because there are parts of me that still wrestle with this today.

    I knew that QueenTswana, my ex wife, had high blood pressure...I mean really high blood pressure. She smoked too much, still ate a lot of pork, didn't exercise and wasn't taking the correct medication as she should have. I saw the disaster coming and out of my love for her, which was obviously greater than her love for herself, I tried to intervene. I got on her about the smokes, got on her about the diet, about the exercise and the medication that she wasn't taking. At some point I felt like I should have forced the issue. I felt like I should have made her do for herself what she wasn't doing. I felt like I should have imposed my will on her for the sake of her well being and her health as well as our relationship.

    Was I obsessing or were my thoughts out of love? Tough answer, right?

    So what did I do? I left it alone...because I felt that if I were to force the issue that it wouldn't feel like love anymore...even if what I wanted to do was for her own good and our own good in terms of the marriage.

    When she passed, I was the one running around feeling guilty, depressed, lost, unable to forgive myself because I didn't do what a part of me said I should have done even though another part of me said that there was really nothing I could have done. Was my caring about her life, about her health obsessing or love?

    The verdict is still out. Why? Because it's always about perception. Don't lock yourself in no boxes and don't build any for yourself Sis.

    Htp!!
     
  10. candeesweet

    candeesweet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Instilling what is healthy for us and learning to be cautious for others that need our life's experiences of survival. Never breaking the love chain!
     
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