Poetry Critiques : CAPTURED THOUGHTS....

[WARRIOR]

First , I wanna say hello to all and thank you to the administrator that allowed my membership. I'm new here and i love , appreciate and admire what i have read of your poems . I respect the way everyone embraces each others poems and i hope i can be worthy of your respect as well . Again , hello , & thank you .


CAPTURED THOUGHTS....

THE CONTRADICTION COULD BE KNOWN....IF I SPEAK
WHILE THAT SILENT TOUCH HAS REVEALED ALL OF MY FACTS....
THE TURMOIL HAS CHOSEN THE COLOR BLACK...
YET....THERE'S FIRE IN EVERY IMPULSIVE ACT...
AS THE HEAT BEGINS TO COOL....I LEARN THAT I'M WEAK

AIMED AT SUCCESS....POINTS ARE OF NO MEASURE
THERE'S SECURITY IN THE ABYSS.....
SHE THEN REPEATED THE SAME KISS....
YET....THE WHIRLWIND WHISPERS..."THERE'S NO END TO THIS"..
BLINDED BY SELFISHNESS.....WHERE'S THE TREASURE ?

ELUSIVE AND ABUSIVE....IS THE PERCEPTION OF TIME
I CLING TO THAT SENSE OF THE SWEETEST TASTE
HER AMBITIONS OF DESIRE COULD NEVER ESCAPE THE CHASE..
YET...THE MOMENT PROTECTS ITSELF FROM BEING ERASED...
I THEN REALIZE.....ECSTACY IS A CARELESS FIND


WARRIOR

 

[HODEE]

First , I wanna say hello to all and thank you to the administrator that allowed my membership. I'm new here and i love , appreciate and admire what i have read of your poems . I respect the way everyone embraces each others poems and i hope i can be worthy of your respect as well . Again , hello , & thank you .


CAPTURED THOUGHTS....

THE CONTRADICTION COULD BE KNOWN....IF I SPEAK
WHILE THAT SILENT TOUCH HAS REVEALED ALL OF MY FACTS....
THE TURMOIL HAS CHOSEN THE COLOR BLACK...
YET....THERE'S FIRE IN EVERY IMPULSIVE ACT...
AS THE HEAT BEGINS TO COOL....I LEARN THAT I'M WEAK

AIMED AT SUCCESS....POINTS ARE OF NO MEASURE
THERE'S SECURITY IN THE ABYSS.....
SHE THEN REPEATED THE SAME KISS....
YET....THE WHIRLWIND WHISPERS..."THERE'S NO END TO THIS"..
BLINDED BY SELFISHNESS.....WHERE'S THE TREASURE ?

ELUSIVE AND ABUSIVE....IS THE PERCEPTION OF TIME
I CLING TO THAT SENSE OF THE SWEETEST TASTE
HER AMBITIONS OF DESIRE COULD NEVER ESCAPE THE CHASE..
YET...THE MOMENT PROTECTS ITSELF FROM BEING ERASED...
I THEN REALIZE.....ECSTACY IS A CARELESS FIND


WARRIOR

WARRIOR

Great Write Poet!
Welcome to Destee

I believe you Captured the elusiveness and essence that embodies Poetry
In this flow..

I think this is a Great Write!
It’s a Five Star Brother

 

[$$RICH$$]

Welcome to destee.com worrior

this was very well done and expressed to the fullness every stanza and concept hit and
connected that captured da mind into the piece
again welcome to the house of peace & love

 

[triniti424]

Hi warrior! Welcome

I joined Destee.com for the same reasons

I wonder if you meant for your piece to be in this part of the poetry forum

This portion is more people asking for the members to analyze their writing and critque em

Then theres the main poetry forum where it moves a little quicker and has a lot more traffic than this one cause not everyone is open to critique lol

But I always enjoy reading a newbies writings because its a good way to gain insight to the poet

Im gonna take a risk and ask... did you mean to have it in all caps?

I only ask because during some of the softer more subtle portions of your piece the BOLD ALL CAPS FONT TAKE AWAY from the emotional effect of it

Otherwise Im looking forward to seeing more from you poet

welcome again!

 

[WARRIOR]

I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR RESPONSES....ITS ALWAYS A WARM FEELING TO HAVE YOUR CREATIVITY ACCEPTED IN ANY FASHION....

TO HODEE :I CAN NEVER THANK U ENOUGH..

TO RICH : DAPZ BROTHA...FOR U TO GIVE POSITIVE FEEDBACK ON THE DETAIL ALONE IS REASSURING..

TO TRINITI : WHEN I FIRST STARTED POSTING 8 YEARS AGO , I WAS A MEMBER OF A GROUP WHERE SOME LOCAL RACISTS WERE POSTING NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT THE WILLIAMS SISTERS REPEATEDLY AND COMPARING THEM....IN PICTURES....TO APES....

SO , THEY WERE CONSTANTLY PUTTING DOWN MY WRITING IN CAPS....AND....OUT OF SPITE....I KEPT WRITING IN CAPS...

I MEAN NO HARM OR DISRESPECT BY WRITING IN CAPS.....TO BE HONEST , I DO A LOT LESS SQUINTING THIS WAY.....BUT THAT'S NO EXCUSE....I JUST LET IT BECOME A HABIT......BUT I WISH TO DELIVER THROUGH CONSIDERATION IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.......SO , I WILL WRITE THE PROPER WAY FROM NOW ON...

AS FOR MY WRITING HERE.....I SUPPOSE IM GUILTY OF NOT LEARNING MY WAY BEFORE TRYING TO JOIN......I JUST LIKED THE WAY PEOPLE RECIEVED EACH OTHER HERE , SO THAT'S WHY I POSTED HERE....

I HOPE I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION....


THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE....

WARRIOR