Poetry Critiques : CAPTURED THOUGHTS....

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by WARRIOR, Apr 30, 2009.

  1. WARRIOR

    WARRIOR BAMN - By Any Means Necessary PREMIUM MEMBER

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    First , I wanna say hello to all and thank you to the administrator that allowed my membership. I'm new here and i love , appreciate and admire what i have read of your poems . I respect the way everyone embraces each others poems and i hope i can be worthy of your respect as well . Again , hello , & thank you .


    CAPTURED THOUGHTS....

    THE CONTRADICTION COULD BE KNOWN....IF I SPEAK
    WHILE THAT SILENT TOUCH HAS REVEALED ALL OF MY FACTS....
    THE TURMOIL HAS CHOSEN THE COLOR BLACK...
    YET....THERE'S FIRE IN EVERY IMPULSIVE ACT...
    AS THE HEAT BEGINS TO COOL....I LEARN THAT I'M WEAK

    AIMED AT SUCCESS....POINTS ARE OF NO MEASURE
    THERE'S SECURITY IN THE ABYSS.....
    SHE THEN REPEATED THE SAME KISS....
    YET....THE WHIRLWIND WHISPERS..."THERE'S NO END TO THIS"..
    BLINDED BY SELFISHNESS.....WHERE'S THE TREASURE ?

    ELUSIVE AND ABUSIVE....IS THE PERCEPTION OF TIME
    I CLING TO THAT SENSE OF THE SWEETEST TASTE
    HER AMBITIONS OF DESIRE COULD NEVER ESCAPE THE CHASE..
    YET...THE MOMENT PROTECTS ITSELF FROM BEING ERASED...
    I THEN REALIZE.....ECSTACY IS A CARELESS FIND


    WARRIOR
     
  2. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    WARRIOR

    :terrific:Great Write Poet!:terrific:
    Welcome to Destee

    I believe you Captured the elusiveness and essence that embodies Poetry
    In this flow..

    I think this is a Great Write!
    It’s a Five Star :spinstar::spinstar::spinstar::spinstar::spinstar:Brother
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Welcome to destee.com worrior

    this was very well done and expressed to the fullness every stanza and concept hit and
    connected that captured da mind into the piece
    again welcome to the house of peace & love
     
  4. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi warrior! :wave: Welcome :wave: :)

    I joined Destee.com for the same reasons :)

    I wonder if you meant for your piece to be in this part of the poetry forum :)

    This portion is more people asking for the members to analyze their writing and critque em :read:

    Then theres the main poetry forum where it moves a little quicker and has a lot more traffic than this one cause not everyone is open to critique lol

    But I always enjoy reading a newbies writings because its a good way to gain insight to the poet :)

    Im gonna take a risk and ask... did you mean to have it in all caps?

    I only ask because during some of the softer more subtle portions of your piece the BOLD ALL CAPS FONT TAKE AWAY from the emotional effect of it :)

    Otherwise Im looking forward to seeing more from you poet :read: :)

    welcome again! :wave:
     
  5. WARRIOR

    WARRIOR BAMN - By Any Means Necessary PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR RESPONSES....ITS ALWAYS A WARM FEELING TO HAVE YOUR CREATIVITY ACCEPTED IN ANY FASHION....

    TO HODEE :I CAN NEVER THANK U ENOUGH..

    TO RICH : DAPZ BROTHA...FOR U TO GIVE POSITIVE FEEDBACK ON THE DETAIL ALONE IS REASSURING..

    TO TRINITI : WHEN I FIRST STARTED POSTING 8 YEARS AGO , I WAS A MEMBER OF A GROUP WHERE SOME LOCAL RACISTS WERE POSTING NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT THE WILLIAMS SISTERS REPEATEDLY AND COMPARING THEM....IN PICTURES....TO APES....

    SO , THEY WERE CONSTANTLY PUTTING DOWN MY WRITING IN CAPS....AND....OUT OF SPITE....I KEPT WRITING IN CAPS...

    I MEAN NO HARM OR DISRESPECT BY WRITING IN CAPS.....TO BE HONEST , I DO A LOT LESS SQUINTING THIS WAY.....BUT THAT'S NO EXCUSE....I JUST LET IT BECOME A HABIT......BUT I WISH TO DELIVER THROUGH CONSIDERATION IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.......SO , I WILL WRITE THE PROPER WAY FROM NOW ON...

    AS FOR MY WRITING HERE.....I SUPPOSE IM GUILTY OF NOT LEARNING MY WAY BEFORE TRYING TO JOIN......I JUST LIKED THE WAY PEOPLE RECIEVED EACH OTHER HERE , SO THAT'S WHY I POSTED HERE....

    I HOPE I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION....


    THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE....

    WARRIOR
     
  6. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You are most welcome.
    WARRIOR.. I came here from BET.
    To me there was nothing offered for me there.
    It had its racism.. so I handled it and it got old.

    That is non productive and i can waste my own time.
    I don't need help.
    Especially from someone who is insecure and racist.
    Again welcome.. i am Night Owl.. I hardly ever:sleep:
     
  7. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh you didnt do anything wrong Brother :)

    :) I can understand that @ doing it out of spite. You werent disrespecting anyone brotha Warrior :) I think its fine and its all up to poet how he or she chooses to present their joint yanno?

    Because it was in the critique forum I asked out of curiosity :read: :look: :) Thats all lol otherwise you could do it the largest size we got suga and could care less lol easier for the BOTH of us to read lol

    I can completely understand your appreciation of the vibe here...
    Destee.com was the first online community I ever registered to and Ive been here ever since :) I hope in time you'll come to love it as much as we love having you here :wave:

    Also... the moderators are pretty sharp about crazy folk comin up in here tryna speak all that hater nonsense. They dont usually last long on this Pro-Black Board :lol:

    Enjoy Brother Warrior :) and I love your name. :read:
     
  8. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In this write, I felt that feeling of searching for something in the air that's beautiful, but difficult to capture all at once. Welcome to Destee's poet. :)
     
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