Black Relationships : Cant run from it

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by JaylaMaria111, Feb 6, 2010.

  1. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey everyone

    I never found a husband but continued with my education and I'm close to completing.

    I was getting better somewhat. I am introverted, and pretty much just minded my own business by doing my studies and doing things that made me happy

    I ended up meeting a friend of another race, a lady, and we became good friends. She seemed to be accepting of who I was, loyal, and had the same goals as me. Things were fine up until..

    we decided to enroll into a class this semeter with a friend of hers, who is of mixed race. Very light complected lady. The type who wants all attention on her, she flaunts her mixed heritage, and long "good pretty hair" she likes to refer to it as.

    My friend who is of a different race, had given me subtle hints that she is a bit bias towards black women who are of lighter hues. why she became friends with me is beyond me. I am no where near looking mixed race or having lightskin.

    I just dont understand why I tend to *attract* these type of people without any kind of effort. Or maybe its just out there and I have to deal with it. But I feel like the only way I can cope is if I become withdrawn and avoid people. Become completely oblivious to colorism in the community by greatly limiting my contact with the world. I am slowly starting to lose confidence, self esteem, again. I mean of all people, why did I have to become friends with somebody who is acquainted with the type of lightskin women who think they are better than women who look like me

    They are also very outgoing and want me to go hang out...meaning frequenting bars, clubs, places where black men are going to be, and I certainly dont want to deal with this...I already know whats going to happen and I am not going to win this one, ever. I know she is going to get more attention from black men because of how light she is..I was slowly becoming mentally strong but if I go through this I might just drop out of college, give up on life, relationships in general and not ever leave the house again
     
  2. LindaChavis

    LindaChavis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hope

    your being facetious in your comments about not leaving the house etc..you need to not base anything of who YOU are on other people...PERIOD. There is someone for you in the world..you just have to put the vibes out there that you are worthy, beautiful, confident and that person who wants someone like that will come in your space.
     
  3. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No I am serious about not leaving the house. I've done it before to avoid situations like this before. One summer I never left the house. Stayed the whole summer. had to literally drag myself out there.

    Everytime I open up, and decide to be social and make myself known I deal with this type of stuff. I feel that its literally impossible to be around black people in America and not deal with the conversations about skin color, hair texture, hair length, etc. I feel like I have to back myself into a wall to avoid it.
     
  4. LindaChavis

    LindaChavis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Do

    you not love yourself? Do you have someone local you can talk to?
     
  5. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No one to talk to at all.

    I dont want to face rejection at all, and I know it wont be good for my self esteem or confidence to hang out or be around someone like her.

    I was feeling a bit low for a minute around my non black friend because she tends to point out lighterskin black girls in a crowd and compliment them a lot. This just makes all my issues resurface.
     
  6. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    WOW!!! You're going to give up all of what you got going on in school for some "light skinned" chick?

    You think men are going to be more attracted to her if you guys go out because she is "light skinned"?

    Again...WOW!!!

    These two scenarios could take place

    a) Men won't be attracted to you when they go out because you will be showing a lack of confidence in who you are because you feel she is getting more attention because of her skin

    or

    b) they will see how shallow she is and will come talk to you instead...but only if you get rid of that dreadful lack of self worth you got spinning in your head
     
  7. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I've been put in that situation before and confidence is not what its about. A lot of black men out there are really that shallow. Even she knows it which is why she flaunts her advantages (lighter skin, mixed) with black men. I dont want to date or do anything. I barely want to finish this semester. I'm close to dropping
     
  8. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sounds like you don't have confidence in black men...or the confidence to face this issue that you are having...

    Don't let this whole thing be a reason for you to drop out of college...Don't give up...

    Do you think that if you drop out of college you will get away from people like that? People who think their skin is better than yours?

    Sweetheart, you can shut yourself in and hide or run away from it all you want too...But those people will ALWAYS be there...

    Focus on your education
     
  9. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    sounds like a plan to me....:10500:
     
  10. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    been there done that

    this person has made the decision that she would rather be dysfunctional
     
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