Black People : Can we pause for a moment to talk to each other?

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by NNQueen, Mar 5, 2006.

  1. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I've been absent from the community for some time and have just returned. I am pleased to see the community continues to thrive with some very interesting discussions throughout. But it disturbs to see some of us struggle with how we communicate our ideas and opinions to each other and how, sometimes, what we write gets misinterpreted and received badly.

    Most of us are familiar with the saying, "Let's just agree to disagree," but many of us have problems practicing it. I've noticed that sometimes, when people disagree with each other, they are attacked or either lead an attack. Feelings get hurt and a war with words begins.

    What is intelligence? What does it mean to be intellectual? Is it measured by the number of degrees a person has or their GPA? Can a young person be intelligent? Can someone who has never gone to college be intelligent? Is there a difference between ignorance and stupid?

    When does a discussion change from a healthy exchange of opinions and ideas to an argument? Surely, everyone here realizes that you won't be agreed with 100% of the time. To expect otherwise, is an illusion and will lead to disappointment. It may be, that is the reason why some people who come here never engage in any of the discussions--but come here faithfully. Could they fear being "attacked"?

    Is diversity among us genuinely understood and appreciated? We all write differently because we are different. What one person may be able to write in a few sentences, another will take paragraphs to convey. When do we know it's time to "let go" of a debate?

    We have young people here, people in their "middle" years and we have elders, of which I am proud to be among them. We all have a lot of valuable information to share and because this is a discussion board, it all deserves attention. My hope though, is that we share in ways that build on ideas without destroying each other.

    I'd like to end my comments with a couple of suggestions taken from the book, "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. I believe they are relevant to the point I'm trying to make:

    1. Be impeccable with your word. "The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life. The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human. Like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you."

    2. Don't take anything personally. "If I see you on the street and I say, "Hey, you are so stupid," without knowing you, it's not about you; it's about me." If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said and as soon as you agree, the poison goes through you."

    3. Don't make assumptions. The problems with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We make assumptions about what others are thinking--we take it peronally--then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. We make assumptions, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing."

    Within the boundaries of the community rules, everyone has the opportunity to share whatever is important to them. And, everyone has the opportunity to respond with an opinion.

    Let's continue sharing and building.

    Peace,
    Queenie :heart:
     
  2. sonnee01

    sonnee01 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you sis for your encouraging "Words of Wisdom"
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    ^5 i agree that we must learn how to disagree without being disagreeable.
     
  4. kemetkind

    kemetkind Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Agreed brother James, but we also need to thicken our skins since one persons notion of disagreeable won't always gel with another's. This is a discussion forum, there will be differing opinions and differing levels of disagreement over those opinons.

    That's to be expected. Without expressed diversity of opinion this would be a uniform, sterile place.
     
  5. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    Well, if I am confronted with someone who feels I offended them, whether it's their opinion or really whatever else, I clarify to make sure they know I didn't mean them personally. If necessary, I will apologize even if I didn't intentionally mean to offend. This type of approach clears the tension between myself and the poster.

    It doesn't really matter what we ourselves think when giving a post... it matters how the other person receives it. If they receive it negatively, then that needs to be resolved. I think the advice of people developing thick skin while obviously worthwhile is one that is given way too much on message boards. Too much of that encourages the offended party to just not respond... it doesn't change their initial reaction. I think it is just as easy to clarify peacefully oneself further, and making it known they are not trying to cut down that person.

    There are some exchanges on message boards where it's obvious the poster doesn't really care about the other person's feelings... they just want to have the last word. And they just might, but it's not really because they said anything pertinent... it's just because the other person doesn't feel like arguing anymore.
     
  6. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    It's so good to have you home Sister NNQueen!:love:

    This was a perfect example of words distributed wisely and beautifully.:heart:
    Sometimes all it takes is a person to listen internally to understand the messages one is conveying. If we can practice listening to words in this manner, I believe we will make much progress as a people united.

    Thank you for your wise words Sister Queen!
     
  7. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sis. Queenie, these are very powerful words of wisdom. Your words remind me of the definition of wisdom that says: Wisdom is "the appplication of knowledge." I can tell by the words contained in your post that you keenly understand that.


    I'll speak to the words I've emboldened above.

    I think there are many people who don't engage in discussions because they are afraid of being attacked, diminished, humiliated, or destroyed. Some of these people might bring very useful info or have valuable points to make but we are all the losers because they are afraid to get involved.

    I realize this is a discussion board, but some people see this board differently from others.

    Some here seem to think that each discussion is a sparring range and if they are able to draw blood from enough posters, they then feel they can proudly wear the title of "The Mightiest Warrior of Them All." They seem to overlook the fact that they are drawing this blood from their Sistas and Brothas. LOL!!


    Diversity among us is definitely not understood and some here have shown they are absolutely INTOLERANT of anyone who expresses different views or has a different lifestyle, politics, sexuality, etc. from theirs.

    I come here to learn from others, express my perspectives, and build on ideas as you've mentioned, for the greater good.

    Oh, about the book "The Four Agreements." I've heard really good things about it. I'll pick it up and read it.
     
  8. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    True indeed, these perspectives are extremely relevant. In fact, they are precisely the perspectives I had spoke on in a previous thread.

    I've read Ruiz's work as well. These are things I strive to employ within my own life, which is why I maintain such a detail-oriented perspective.

    But of course, none of us is perfect.

    PEACE
     
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