Black Relationships : Can two people marry without dating first?

panafrica

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Aug 24, 2002
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Riada said:
I agree that arranged marriages would be a GREAT idea for many AA's, but I think many here would have to grow up under that system. There is also the issue of "love." We're used to the idea of being "in love" here. Many traditional Africans have a totally different concept about that aspect of a relationship. Maybe "living in harmony" could replace "being in love." As you know, the African extended family as well as the extended family in these other societies help to keep the marriages harmonious because many times "older heads" or other "wiser" heads get involved to help the married couple to smoothen things out all the way throughout the marriage. Without the extended families, there would be many more divorces among continental Africans too. Their family system, rooted in their culture, is very valuable and is the one thing that's holding those societies together when all else has failed them. If they ever lose their family system, then heaven help them!!
Agreed Riada!

That's why I agree with you wholeheartedly when you say, AAs aren't going to make much progress, no matter what, until the family system here is fixed.
This is our #1 issue, everything else and I mean EVERYTHING ELSE, is a secondary concern!
 

panafrica

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cursed heart said:
The only thing I would question in arranged marriages is do they really love each other when they first marry? Most of them grow to love one another.
Most don't love each other initially Cursed Heart, this is correct. However how many people here truly love each other when they get married? Most are in love with the idea of being in love.
 

cursed heart

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panafrica said:
Most don't love each other initially Cursed Heart, this is correct. However how many people here truly love each other when they get married? Most are in love with the idea of being in love.
You are so right brother Pan!
I have so much respect for you brother!
 

Riada

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panafrica said:
Most don't love each other initially Cursed Heart, this is correct. However how many people here truly love each other when they get married? Most are in love with the idea of being in love.
I think that a "normal" woman or man can learn to love anyone who treats them especially well. I think some people wonder though whether good treatment alone can bring about sexual excitement.

I mean, I've heard people say that another person of the opposite sex is a really good person who treats them well, but they just don't get "turned on" by them--no chemistry. This is another part of this equation that would have be factored in somehow.
 

toylin

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May 17, 2004
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As a Muslim woman, I am currently intended to a brotha that I have never met face to face. W've exchanged phone calls, emails, pictures, etc.. but we have not yet mat face to face. God willing, that day will be coming soon. I have gotten to know him on an intellectual level, first and foremost. WE are learning each other's interests and ambitions; all that "other stuff" (surface stuff) usually fades with time. We have come to care about each other very much. God willing, we will marry in the very near future. I think getting married to someone you've never "dated" gives you something to look forward to. Let's be real here.. when you're dating someone, sleping with them, living with them, constantly around them, it usually gets very old, very fast. I lived with my first husband before we married.. the entire relationship lasred 3 years. I think that past of a marriage should be learning your spouse, what they like, what they hate..... If you already KNOW everything, where's the mystery? The excitement? You'll begin to take them for granted because you already "know" them.
 

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