Black Relationships : Can men and women be "just friends"?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by kente417mojo, Jul 28, 2004.

  1. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was talking to a female friend of mine the other day about relationships and whatnot. We got on the subject of friendships between men and women...and whether we can be just friends without and kind of sexual feelings coming into the picture. Is there always going to be some sort of sexual tension between men and women? More than likely, is one of us going to become physically attracted to the other and eventually want more out of the friendship? Can men and women just hang out and go to dinner or a movie as nothing more than buddies? What do you guys and girls think? What are your experiences with this situation? Have you lost a good friend because of something similar? :wave:
     
  2. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am doing it at a distance, but I think I am handling being friends with a woman who I met online and hd hoped for a relationship with. I was feeling her more than she was me and I got rejected. I get along with her and we talk all the time. I notice it was a little strained last time she visited my city, but that was becuase it was the first time we saw each other after my rejection. The attraction will always be there and I think she has attraction for me on some level too.

    It is different for me though becuase I have had a rotten social life and am very thick skinned because of it....my feelings are dulled too (part of the reason she didnt see a relationship working I am sure). I think it can be done if a man knows how to separate his social and love lives. I can do it, but maybe I just got ice flowing thru my veins and also know that I can fly completely solo and be used to it. Also, being alienated from women so long, any kinda presence is good.

    Thats my take...but I aint normal...LOL....you better wait for others to weigh in on this man.
     
  3. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks for the reply MrBlak. I appreciate it whether you are normal or not. :laugh: So even though there will probably be no relationship between the two of you...you still have feelings for her. You are attempting to be "just friends" now that the rejection happened right? I wonder if most men/women friendships happen that way. Maybe one of the two feels that there is a chance to have more at the beginning, then something happens like rejection, someone else comes into the picture etc., and one person feels like they'll just settle for the friendship even though they want more.
     
  4. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have had a male friend for 3 years. He and I initially had an attraction with one another...we even love one another but we both realize that the love and attraction does not mean we have to be a couple. We agreed it would be better to choose to be lifelong friends instead. We talk almost every day...I've shared things with him that I've never told any other person. We value what we have too much to try to cross lines.

    It has been awkward for him at times to introduce me as a best friend to some of his female friends, but usually after meeting them they understand that we are only friends. I think the men I date don't worry about him much because he is younger than I am, but his age is not a factor to me.

    I am glad to have him as a friend for life, someone I will always love and vice versa.
     
  5. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Men and women can be platonic friends. Think about friends that you have had in junior high and high school. Were you attracted to all of them? It seems that when we become adults, people turn friendships into potential relationships. I have 3 very good and close male friends that I have had for years. We have been through the thick of it all for and with each other. We have never been intimate or even close. They are my boys who have seen me with my scarf on my head, or even when I am sick, or crying over some man. One of them drove me to the dentist when I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled, waited for me, then came back to the house and kind of watched over me while I slept. Its an unconditional friendship and I love them all,...as a good friend.

    MrBlak,....I am sorry that you've had a rough time. Most of us get bumped around in one way or another. Please believe. Dating isn't easy.
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I don't know why this question looks rather odd to me but it does. Are men and women different species or something?

    Can men and women be friends? Of course they can be friends and why couldn't they be? I've known men and women who are not only friends but also sexual partners/friends and have been for years and they maintain the best of relationships.

    Whatever people are capable of doing they can do it together including sharing friendships. It's all about the people involved and how mature and well-adjusted they are don't you think? If someone thinks that men and women can't be friends, please help me understand why not.

    Queenie :confused:
     
  7. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, there are some people that say men and women cannot be friends because one of the two parties will always in some way be attracted to the other. There are many men and women that are married that feel that their spouse should not be going out and hanging around or talking on the phone with people of the opposite sex without them because of this. Just because you have a friend that has not hit on you, tried to kiss you or ever expressed feeling for you, doesn't mean he/she does not have those feelings. Many believe that there is always a level of attraction between opposite sexes...whether it is voiced or not. I have had friends that I was attracted to..even though we never discussed hooking up. I've had women tell me years after they got married or while I was dating someone that they had feelings for me...which never came up, so you never know. We are all human, but we don't think the same. Some people will agrgue that men cannot have a platonic relationship with a woman without wanting to get into her pants....while saying women are able to do this.

    I know BET is not the most reliable source...but here's one article I found so far. Check it out.

    http://www.bet.com/articles/0,1048,c9gb3566-4237-1,00.html#boardsAnchor

    Posted Aug. 14, 2002 -- Friends; how many of us have them? Most of you, I'm sure. But what about those male "friends"? Those suave cats who*seem to know just what to say at the right time. The one your man gets teed-off at because he seems to be poppin' up -- a lot! It's fine to have a friend, but believe me, there is always (and I mean*always) a motive behind the male friend's actions. If you want to remain friends with him, here's are a few rules that you ought to take heed of at the first sign that your friendship is taking a toll on your relationship.*

    Don't sharkfeed

    Men are like sharks surrounding your boat and waiting for it to sink. As soon as your man drops the ball on his relationship responsibilities, "the friend," who is waiting on the sidelines, is warming up to be the game saver.* See, the less your man does for you, the more the "friend" is ready to be the shoulder for you to cry on. At the first shedding of a tear, the friend hits the rear and is in there. So watch it.

    Know your limits

    Whether your friendship goes beyond that is ultimately up to you. While 90% of men have intentions to lay the smack down, it will only go down if you allow him to psychologically chisel through you piece by piece. Don't allow your friendship to get misconstrued or lose sight of the fact that he may be hiding his true intentions for more.

    Cut the convo

    Suggestive conversation will lead to suggestive behavior. In his eyes, a little T.M.I. (Too Much Info) can lead to a little T & A, so you might wanna think carefully about what you're about to say before entering into conversations on provocative subjects, such as sex. Just because he's great at listening, does not mean you should discuss*everything*with your "friend." Keep it clean.
    *
    Don't call me: I'll call you

    Speaking of life, does*your friend have one? One that doesn't revolve around you? If so, then he should lead it. Unless he is calling about his house being on fire, there's no reason for you to take calls from him while you are spending time with your mate. Don't blame us for getting iggy if your "friend" calls during the most awkward times. He shouldn't be calling you 24/7 anyway. Set some boundaries.

    When you least expect it, expect it

    Becoming too accustomed to your male friend can also lead to you getting attached and even attracted to this guy who never seems to get on your nerves, always says the right things, usually does the right thing. Watch for the signs.*
     
  8. bigtown

    bigtown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    can men and women be friends?

    Not if he's attracted to her. That's like being flat broke and having an atm card with only 19.50 on it.
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    YES they can i have a dear friend for 27 years she is very beautiful and any
    man will flip for this sistah i've never crossed the line we have spent lot's of
    time together and never had any sexual mindful thoughts she one of my best
    friends infact like a sistah to me as i am to her a brutha we do for each other
    and i have never look at her sexually but look at her as a woman a friend i can
    count on and can talk to about anything so yes men and women can be friends
    without sexual play involve , when this happen someone is weak minded and looking
    for sex from the start not as friends but as a sex partner for that night or moment
    of heated desires ......why crash a perfect friendship over a moment sexually .?
     
  10. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Rich,
    We have similar views on the male/female friendships. It's good to hear your viewpoint as I'm sure that is how my friend views our relationship.
     
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