Black Relationships : Can I get a little clarification please?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by 1hotvirgowoman, Jun 12, 2007.

  1. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Okay, I have been associates with a guy I'll call "Leigh" and his little brother "Al" for about 6 months. I spotted him some time last year and thought that he was cute. However, once we actually met(twice through mutual friends), he acted indifferrent towards me. Months passed and we didn't see each other. At an event, I was introduced to him yet again (trust me-this was not my doing), I received the same indifference that I did at the party we attended. So,at this event we attended, time had passed, his brother Al spotted me, tapped Leigh and came up to me and started chopping it up with me. From that time onward-he was trying to get my attention. Leigh is 22. I am 24, so there is a two year(really 5year:tongue: ) difference between us. It never failed yall- everytime we were in the same room there he was vying for my attention. I went over to his house once (his brother invited me) he ear hustled and absorbed practically EVERYTHING that I said. Now, there were other people at this shin-dig, other females includig one that he was supposedly feeling.
    Fast forward to the present,on one occasion we slept together(which led to many sexual romps thereafter). From there on out, whenever we were out together(with other people) and other guys were around-he made sure that he was around, like a bodyguard!. We shared a couple of intimate moments, rare but still we had'em. But the problem is this: He doesn't Call/text/email unless I do it first. He's not a phone person, this I know. But still, it's like whats the deal? He knows how to text me when he wants to come over!. I don't understand it. I have never pressured him to be my man. After sex, he just leaves hell- we don't even kiss during it. I'm sure there is something that I can't see so, I'm coming to yall for some clarification. Help me.


    If he's feeling me-why doesn't he want to communicate with me? Does he even "feel" me at all?. He's terretorial-why would he be if he doesn't have any interest to be with me?. AT a party he got upset cuz my close male-friend danced provacative for me.
     
  2. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    DROP HIS A** LIKE A DEAD WEIGHT! HE IS ONLY DOING WHAT YOU ALLOW. IN THE WORDS OF SISTER SOULJAH; "WHO BUYS THE COW IF THEY CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE"? WHATEVER YOU GET OR DON'T GET FROM THE RELATIONSHIP IS IN YOUR HANDS. THE CHOICE IS YOURS...WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP, YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT. ARE YOU A BOOTY CALL OR NOT? AGAIN, THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
     
  3. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You know what-you're right....but then, what about his body language? why did he act like that when I was around if he wasn't into me? I'm asking you this because I intend to move on and when I find a new dude-I will want to know the difference between a frog and a prince. I appreciate your responding to me Keita. Thank You!

    Also, this sounds rather childish but, I 'm thinking about asking whether or not he ever liked me at all-would this be a smart thing to do?. It's not like I won't ever see him again- I hang out with his sister.
     
  4. Goddess Auset333

    Goddess Auset333 Banned MEMBER

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    Beloved Virgogirl:

    The answer Bother Keita gave you, you already knew. We are the first to know what is and what is not.

    Clarification leads to revelations.

    If you are not willing to go within your (Center) to get the answers you seek, please get the book Why Men loves...by Sherry Argov, and please do not be fooled by the title.

    From Doormat to Dream Girl--A Woman's Guide to Holding her own in a relationship.

    Remember the most vital and essential book you will ever read is the Book Call YOU.



    African Proverb: One who does not like to read is equal to the one who can not read.


    HILy/A
     
  5. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You know, I'm starting to get the feeling that you are the author of that there book you promoting!. If that is the case-I ain't mad at'cha!. I have read some of your posts' and actually DID learn something from them so, I do value your advice as well as others. I'm thinkin' about coppin' that book but, if I don't like it, will YOU be willing to give me a refund?:deal:


    and I just noticed something: Virgogirl huhn? don't mock me, really,
     
  6. I-khan

    I-khan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    he is not thinking about you two the same way that you are....you both are not on the same page let alone in the same book....tell him the same way that women have told me.."I aint lookin for a freind,or freind with 'benefits'" and let them go if they do not go along with you.....
     
  7. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Okay,okay. Well, I'm really and truelly trying to get on with my life without him in it. The thing that sucks is my Daughter absolutely adores him! And I did too up until this point. She's three and super attached to him. I will see him again (unfortunatley) because I go running with his sister. I know within my hearts of hearts that I deserve to be treated the way that I desire to be treated and that there are MANY of Kats' that would just love to treat me that way, so,cry a tear in the bucket I-khan.... Thank You really and truelly

    Question tho': Based upon the info that I provided-Did he EVER have interest in me at all? I'm not slutty or dress whorish so there had to be SOME interest-am I right?
     
  8. I-khan

    I-khan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I cannot tell you that he did not have any intrrest at all, but it is the purpose of his interest that you should be concerned bout...if he just wants sex he will try and find any way to just have that from you..if he wanted a wife than things would be different (maybe) but that is just my guess....only time will reveal true intentions unless you are straightforward as you should be....even then experience can change things such as wants and desires...especially today.

    and something else....you may want to be treated the way you desire to be treated but your actions must show it and not your words...not every women deserves to be treated as a 'queen' (i know this fomr personal experience) and not every guy should be treated respectfully by women (ie the sexist mysoginist)...just carry yourself like you have certain standards and EMBODY those standards (easier said than done) and things will work via time...but as I stated before...tell every guy you are interested in them after you know them for a while in being more than freinds..women do this with me because of the things I attempt to embody.....you (and we as people) must communicate with each other because not everyone will see things as we would being individuals...but it seems that you wanted a relationship and he wanted some booty...he will move on and you should to....

    you must BE the person that you think would deserve that positive treatment and not feel entitled to it as we have been taught to be (consumeristic)
     
  9. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow! all this in one gulp. I'm still digesting it...you have avery valid point in all that you have posted. Perhaps I was deceiving myself as regards the "relationship" thing, I suppose that deep down, I DID want to be with him-Hell-I slept with him because I gingerly liked him or what I thought was "him". And not all the time did I want to be in a relationship with the guy that I'm liking, most times, I'm just happy chillin' as is. I think that people put too much emphasis on being boyfriend and girlfriend or in a relationship. I wanted to see what it would be like not being a couple or a title for a minute. I feel like, those titles screws up things most times. No-I donnot like being used as I have NEVER used anybody in my life, further, I treat people as I would like to be treated. Yes, it kind of hurts, to now that the person of interest is not as into you as you are in them, but, I'm taking this a lesson learned. But you know what-I ain't even trippin'. I plan on asking him if he EVER had any interest in me besides being sexually attracted to me and see what he says. Thank You soo much-I'm truelly learning! Keep'em coming.
     
  10. I-khan

    I-khan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    titles are one thing....existing as such is another....one bruh told me that a problem in our relationships today is that want want the title but not the existence which is a result of over romanticizing things..it is the same thing as saying that you can defeat Bruce Lee and actually doing it..but I am probably younger than you (hint; I am under 21) and I stand as much as a student in life as you are...
     
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