- Nov 6, 2005
- 197
- 4
panafrica said:There are millions of African American women raising children alone (which is not a positive occurance). Many of these women have male children, and many of them have been able to raise successful and productive members of society. Still having both parents raise children is necessary for the economical, psychological, and emotional well being of a child. It is the psychological and emotional well being of children who do not have their fathers present that is too often overlooked.
The absence of a father can not be replaced. His presence is missed by all children who do not have him in their lives (even when children do not verbalize this to their mother). This is something single mothers (regardless of the circumstances which led to their situation) need to understand. Oft-times single mothers work so hard to compensate for the absence of the father, they send a message that fathers are not necessary. Sometimes this message is subliminal, other times it is stated outright. In either case children born to single mothers (male and female) internalize these messages, and they manifest them by becoming single parents themselves. It is also manifested in the communal acceptance among African Americans of not having a father in the home:
http://www.destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27719&highlight=child+abandonment
Yes the reality of most African American mothers is that they are raising children alone. However is this something we want to continue? Does anyone truly believe it is going to be possible to achieve Black unity, when we can not even heal our own families? No! This is our 1st order of business, reversing the destruction of the African American family. For this trend to be reversed, there are behaviors & attitudes which need to change on the part of men and women.
I was having a similar conversation (not as deep as this one) with sister PCQueen in chat the other day. She mentioned that there are a lot of "bad fathers" in our community. I acknowledged that she was correct; however, I interjected that the majority of these "bad" fathers were that way before they had children. This contributes significantly to our current situation. The selection process among African Americans is poor, and our relationships suffer as a result. Immediate gratification is a large part of American (European) culture, and African Americans have adopted this mentality to our detriment. Many in our community are selecting mates based on superficial aspects (money, clothes, etc), instead of quality of character. It is common in our community to ignore/overlook the family background & personal history of potential mates, as if this information is not vitale to determining whether to be with someone.
The inability of men and women in the African American community to properly select mates is why our number of single parent households is not only higher than other races, but also higher than other Blacks in the Diaspora! When people turn away from the culture of their ancestors, it leads to destructive/detrimental behavior. The African American communty & the current state of the black family in America is a classic example of this. We come from a land, where family was the most important aspect of life. We currently live in a land where family is not considered to be important. The two can not mix, and as we adopt more European views on family & relationships...the disturbing numbers which plague our community (60% divorce rate, 70% of children born out of wedlock, etc) will continue to increase. The only was to reverse this downward trend is to return to the culture of our ancestors.
Good points.