Discussion in 'Black Teenagers - Teenz Exprezzed!' started by cherryblossom, Oct 9, 2009.
I'd like to hear from teenagers as well as parents on this...
Sister Cherry ... Peace and Blessings,
I was a pregnant teenager, unmarried, unplanned, all of that.
Yes, I think anyone can be a role model.
All of us have fallen short, made mistakes, etc.
If doing that, making a mistake, keeps her from qualifying to be a role model ... then none of us can be.
Much Love and Peace.
Well, she is 19, legally an adult. However, I do wonder how this would be received if she were a juvenile, even as a fashion model earning an income.
A pregnant teenager, someone who first gave birth as a teenager, unmarried, still in high school, still living with their parents, working or not working, can be a role model. Absolutely. She most certainly can.
I got pregnant at 16 years old, and gave birth at 17. I was not employed, still in high school, living with my Mother, and obviously unmarried.
My Mother had said, or at least I remember hearing from somewhere, the talk about "I'm putting you out if you bring a baby up in here!" Even if she never said those exact words, I understood that getting pregnant would not be a good thing. So when I thought I was, oh my gosh, I was sooooo scared! My Mother and I had always been especially close, and I knew she loved me, and I knew she'd be so disappointed in me, and well ... I was scared to death.
As we lay in my bed together one night, I told her that I thought I might be, and these were her exact and immediate words, as she held my face in her hands, wiping my tears ... She said ... "Baby, you aint did nuth'n nobody else aint did, it's just that you got caught." She said, "You hold your head up high, and don't let nobody make you feel bad." She said, "As long as you're not telling me you got cancer and gonna die tomorrow, we can handle it." ... ... : ... ... That's what my Momma said to me, her 16 year old pregnant daughter, that wasn't working, still in school, and unmarried.
My Mother made the difference for me, my Son, and ultimately my Daughter. She was supportive in every way, allowing me to finish high school, have the option to go to college, and loved my Son as her own child. In fact, it seemed she loved him more than she loved me ... but I know that's not true ... even though my Son and I fuss about it even today, with him swearing she loved him more!
For a young woman, a teenager ... not even a woman yet ... to be bearing such a great weight on her shoulders, and she steps up to the plate ... does what she needs to do ... appreciates the support system God has blessed her with, recognizes that she must now live not only for herself, but for her child too ... that is a role model. She has the potential to be a very positive force in the lives of so many young girls that have and are finding themselves in this very situation.
We should receive these young Sisters with a loving heart, encouraging them to hold their heads high, and not let anyone make them feel bad!
I don't believe a young girl should be shunned/ostracized but we also should not, by word or deed, applaud/approve the behavior. As it is, many of our young girls feel that unprotected sex resulting in pregnancy is no big deal. They do not comprehend the magnitude of bringing a life in to the world nor what it entails or the financial, social, personal, physical, mental, emotional hardships and sacrifices required.
To make a mistake is one thing, but when a teen mother has 3, 4 or more children before they even reach the 12 grade (IF they ever make it there w/o dropping out). THAT is not acceptable.
I've personally known girls with 4 children by the time they were 16.
Sister Cherry ... i can understand the self-righteous position you're taking, if you've never had sex as a teenager (or unmarried, unemployed, etc.)
Is that what you're saying, you never had sex as a teenager?
Sister Destee.....My stance on this issue has nothing to do with "self-righteousness."
It has to do with our children having babies before they are mentally, emotionally, financially, and sometimes, even physically mature enough to create and nurture another human life.
As a teen mother yourself, you personally know the many hardships which accompany being a young single mother. And, yes, thank God, you had the help and support of your mother so that you could finish high school, attend college, etc...
But, THIS young woman, with or without her mother's help won't have the same hardships you had or other pregnant teens have. THIS young woman is making beau-coup money as a fashion model. She can afford adequate pre-natal care and adequate child care once the baby is delivered. THIS young woman won't need WIC or food stamps to feed her baby. THIS young woman won't have to stress about money for pampers for her baby's butt or Amoxicillin when it gets sick.
As I said before, THIS young woman is really only TECHNICALLY a "teenager." ---She is 19, but she is out of school and is, legally, an ADULT. So, HER situation is not the same as yours was nor the same as most teens of today.
And, also as I said before, I don't believe pregnant teens should be shunned/ostracized. Yes, making a mistake and getting caught-up doing what others have done is not the issue. "To err is human."
But I do believe that, as a people, we need to make a distinction between "making A mistake" and REPEATED behavior....as a people, we need to talk to our young girls AND boys about sex and babies.
Too many of our young children are anesthetized to the enormity of child-birth. Too many of them think/feel that it's no big deal to get pregnant or to have baby-after-baby-after-baby.
So, for some of our youth, to see a young woman like THIS one who is single and pregnant but who is making money and whose life is not hampered by her pregnancy, IMO, doesn't send a healthy message to our young girls. --The "Shamikas" and "Ieshas" and "Lolas" on tha Block aint got it like THIS young woman got it.
MY opinion on this issue speaks to the bigger picture of the Black family unit and all our many households of single mothers and all our many 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17 year old girls having babies.
Now, the article asked the question: "CAN A PREGNANT TEEN BE A ROLE MODEL?" So, I wondered how teenagers and parents feel about that question.
And thank you for your replies; but YOUR position on it is just another opinion, not a declaration.
Twenty years ago, a song said, "We must be crazy to let our babies have babies..."
So, I wondered if any teenagers and parents out there regarded a pregnant teenager as a "role model."
Sister Cherry ... i appreciate all the above, but you didn't answer my question. Are you gonna?
Oh, I regarded the "question" as invalid since you predicated it upon my alleged "self-righteousness" which did not apply.
So, you've determined my question about your chastity, or lack thereof, is invalid ... refusing to answer it ... as you talk of the chastity of others.
Separate names with a comma.