Poetry Critiques : Cali state of mind

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Froggy1, Jul 28, 2005.

  1. Froggy1

    Froggy1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    waking up seven forty in the morning
    in on another day im horning
    wondering if this life is really me
    cause another life is what i want me and my boys to see
    but i got the call from troy
    thats my homeboy
    weve been down from day one
    he treated me like i was his son
    weve had bad times and weve had soem that were fun
    he said over the phone: AC we need you b, Santo got shot things is getting crazy
    i got my clothes on got over there wiping my eyes constantly cause theyre still hazy
    from last night
    I see Troy shooting at a group of big dudes ready to spray
    thats when troy would say: AC COME ON MAN!
    I was still buzzed when i shot and i hit them and let them bodies rot
    I stand there looking at what id done
    thats when i heard the cops and me and troy started to run
    me and troy split ways when we left
    the cops bewildered and bereft
    I ended up in a youth center for kids
    they saw me with my piece and opened their lids
    I was still high when i pulled out my piece
    not hearing a little ten year old girl telling me to stop dont shoot
    that message my brain didnt compute
    I was scared
    i did something that if i wasnt high i wouldnt have dared
    I raised my gun in high in the air above my head
    spouting crazy stuff then i heard a boom!
    and someones face was bloodred
    it was the little girl that i was talking to
    i snapped otu of my high and was like O MY GOD WHAT DID I DO?
    I broke down right there
    if the cops got me i didnt care
    they took me into court
    gave the girls mother the report
    i couldnt stare her right in the face
    felt like such a disgrace
    I killed an innocent little child
    when i was high and buckwild
    the judge sentenced me to life
    I still didnt feel relieved of all that strife
    a prison sentence is what i find
    while i was in that cali state of mind
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    let me say u stayed on point and followed through
    this was a very nicely written poem working the
    facts of it's concept ........nice work poet.
     
  3. Froggy1

    Froggy1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks man
     
  4. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Froggy, I found this to be real to the extent that you drove the entire piece home while staying in character. It sounds as if this really happened to you; in a Cali state of mind. You deserve a 21 GUN SALUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
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