Black Teenagers : Burning Up...

Discussion in 'Black Teenagers - Teenz Exprezzed!' started by HoneyBrown05, Nov 14, 2005.

  1. HoneyBrown05

    HoneyBrown05 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My daddy is always treating me like I'm nothing to him like I am nobody. I don't understand him he has always been a better father to his step-kids then he has been to me. He has even said so himself. I am the one that always go without. His wife never did like me and when my dad would do something for me she would complain. So to keep her mouth shut he would neglect me in every possible way to keep peace. I don't ask him for nothing and when I use to I didn't ask for much because he always made it seem like he didn't have it. But he somehow is able to provide for his wife and her three kids and they always have the best of things. I just don't get it? I know that now I am eighteen and can provide for myself but I am in college and I can't do everything. My momma does the best she can and she always come through for me and she's struggling but there are two incomes coming in his household and he is always complaining. Well my step-mother got exactly what she wanted but I know I'll be the one to come out on top!
     
  2. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Awww!:cry: Honeybrown!

    Its too bad that we can't just blink our eyes and make people do what we need most. :whip: Life just isn't like that.

    I'll tell you this though, if you take that hurt and dedicate it to something positive, it won't hurt as much. Just know that his mistakes are not yours and when you choose a companion to marry, be sure that he is going to be the kind of father that will be responsible and supportive to your children.

    Much love to you Lil Sis! I feel your pain!:uhh: :grouphug:
     
  3. HoneyBrown05

    HoneyBrown05 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you for your kindness. It hurts so much because I use to be a daddy's girl. He wasn't like this once upon a time and we were so close!
     
  4. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sweetheart,


    Don't let this get you down, you ARE worthy of love that he is depraving you of. This is not your fault. Your father is being CONTROLLED. He may also harbor bitter feelings toward you, cuz you are a reminder of his relationship with your mother, that obviously soured. I went through the same thing. You cannot let this experience blind you to the possibilities of meeting a wonderful man in the future, since the two are interchangable. Your stepmother is playing tug'o'war over your father, and jealousy seems thick in the air. OUCH. Since you are of age, and assumedly out of the house, you may want to sit down and have a talk with stepmoms. Let her know that her grip on your father is robbing you of the opportunity to bond with him. She knows what's up, but let her know you 're hip to it. Parental support goes beyond "grown-n-gone". Good luck throughout your educational experience. Go ahead and get that education girl, the community needs your positivity:shades:
     
  5. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    I know lil Sis! I can see how this is devasting you. Atleast mom is there for you to hold and love. Talk to mom about it, you may be suprised of how much she understands too.
     
  6. Sodwn2earth

    Sodwn2earth Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    How is it that he just turned on you like that? I don't get it.... but i do feel your pain and I'm sorry. You can be who you most desire, with or without him because the ability relies in yourself, and I'm sure one day he'll realize the mistake he's made and see all that he's missed out on. You just do you, ok? Much love.
     
  7. HoneyBrown05

    HoneyBrown05 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My strength doesn't come from my mamma and she does the best she can and I appreciate her alot. It's just that my mamma always tell me to man up (not exactly in these words) when I get sad so it's hard for me to go to her and express my feelings because I don't want to seem sensitive and be a cry baby. I have notice alot of things about my mother and deep inside she hurts but on the outside she forms this shell, because she couldn't find comfort in her mother. But I can never say that she has not been there for me. When it comes to dating I have been avoiding it since after my last relationship because I can't see my self getting hurt again. The way I see having a relationship with another guy has been shattered because I don't know what to look for and what I should expect. Even though I am young the relationship that I had were similar to the type of relationship that I have now with my dad and I don't want to repeat that pattern over and over again. What should I do?
     
  8. Son of RA

    Son of RA STAFF STAFF

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    Greetings,
    Understand you are not the problem so do not think that. People tend to think they have done something to someone and begin to feel guilty. What you are dealing with, I notice this trend often in our relationships when the father marries again (or vice versa). Sometimes people have issues with their ex-spouses and they take it out on the children :cry:. A lot of Black youth today are told they are "no good" (especially the males) because the momma and daddy do not get along. Some allow this to affect them and they ruin their lives. And some stand strong and move on, which can be difficult. All this behavior in Black families stems from the stress and pain of oppression. I suggest you do reading and research on psychological disorders that affect a people who have been traumitized (slavery). Also study social pathology. We need to start looking at the society that we (Blacks) are living in. It is an anti-family (especially for Black folks) society. Studying these subjects allowed me to get understanding of how I need to raise my children and what traps to watch out for. I do not want to hurt my children or Black woman when I start a family, so I had to learn the source of my frustrations. Then I had to develop ways to remove them without hurting others. This is what your father and step-mother have not done found ways to remove their frustration without hurting others. Also seek counsel from the elders. They also struggled to keep families together in this crazy society. One thing that is vital, is that you have opened up to what you are feeling and that is wonderful. You have not kept it inside which will only weigh down the heart. Sistas will do that more than brothas. Understand also a lot of brothas you run across have been hurt like you and because of this arrogant pro-male society, we are trained to be a "man" and do not talk about our issues especially with a woman. Because of this brothas keep issues in which can make matters worse. Guard your heart it is a vital asset but please do not let your heart get heavy with anger. Continue on with your goals in life. Stay strong (mentally) and keep on shining like RA (the sun). :D

    Tranquility
     
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