Bullying; What Advice To Give To Your Child

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by Ledda, Apr 3, 2005.

  1. Ledda

    Ledda Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    We've recently moved to Texas from Kansas. The area we live in is predominately Latino and we live in a city that's probaly 10 times as big if not more. My daughter is 14 and is doing a lot better as far as academics in the school she attends now. She's on the honor roll with a 3.5 GPA. She's very friendly with people and easy to get along with, but she's been into a fight already this year. She said that she and another girl were talking and she was under the impression that they were joking and kidding around but then the girl got serious and hit her. She says after the first hit, she thought they were still playing and playfully hit her back and it became serious and turned into a fight. All of this was confirmed when I and the other girls' parents had to meet. Only this girl voiced at the meeting that it "wasn't over". Now my child is 5'9" tall and 190 lbs. A big girl. She's always been quiet but will stand up for herself when pushed too far. This girl had to be at most 5'3" and not much more than 100 lbs. This incident happened a few months ago. My daughter when out with two of her friends a couple days ago to a movie and encountered this other girl and seven of her friends and family, wanting to gang up on my child and her friends. The attendant at the theater spoke with me when I came to pick them up and indeed told me that the other girls were bothering them and she even gave them free tickets to come back to the movie and enjoy it later without these girls. When I was a child my daddy always told me to fight back, no matter what. That got me into a lot of trouble because I didn't know how to talk out any problems that came up, I'd just beat your butt and be done with it (and that part of me wants to tell my daughter to do the same thing). I was always an honor roll student too, but was constantly being suspended from school. Once in my junior year of highschool some girl were bothering me and I tried to talk to the principal, teachers, and my counselor but they just brushed it off. One day she hit me while I was in the hall and what resulted was her going to the hospital and me going to juvenile detention. I don't want that to happen with my daughter and I don't want these other girls to do something as violent as stabbing or shooting her. I really don't know what to do. We're in a bigger city and things aren't like they were when I was that age. I don't think that the school is doing enough to end this. I makes me want to move back to Kansas.
     
  2. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Welcome Ledda

    This is a tough situation for your child to be involved in. Obviously the other girl, has a history of fighting.

    Doesn't like your child and befriended her, to get into a petty argument and trick her into one so she could escalate it.

    Get a restaining order against the girl.

    If she has been in many fights they have been at school. Ask and find out. If she has, you can have her parents charged if their daughter does anything or has anything to do with your daughter getting beat up.

    You can also file assault charges for the first fight and get on record this girl's behavior.

    I wish you and your child the best. This a tough situation for her to be in.

    Sounds like the other girl networked, found out the whereabouts and showed up just to harrass. Charge her with it. Charge them all.

    If it isn't a real problem. Transfer her to anoher school district. ( most fights are on the last day of school, and the young kids today know of the fight and gather.. it is a shame. ) Bullies usually meet their match, and get what they are asking for. A good whipping the parents never gave.

    Maybe the other girl just has a bad rep and something to prove against others that are liked and stealing her popular.. vain spot at school. Your child probably took to her because she was popular and the other girl feels she needs to squash the competition, your child brings. If she can she do good there, she can do good anywhere. Children today are so confused, jealous and selfish.
     
  3. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Goodness..smh

    and trust me I know your pain. My son was having the same problems in school with a couple of boys. I have been to the school so many times that when the bell rings I think it's time to change classes..lol.
    I've also been brushed off by my sons school many times. Bullying is suppose to be a serious offense here in Arkansas but I know for a fact that no one in our school district knows how to handle this problem because it still exsists and exsists sometimes without punishment to the offenders. My son has had several run-ins with these boys and I always taught him not to fight but to get an adult to help him handle it. He would tell the adults but they would tell him to go play or to go sit down. About two months ago one of these little boys picked a fight with my son. My son was so upset, He kept sayin momma, I promise I was going to knock him out but you said don't fight and I tried to tell the teacher but the teacher sent me back to my seat..He was crying and that hurt. My son got hit and wouldn't fight back because I told him I would get him if he ever fought in school. When I saw his lip that's when I had had enough. From then on, I didn't encourage him to pick fights, but by all means to always protect himself and fight back when he was picked on. He did exactly that. About a month ago, these same little boys picked a fight with my son. My son nver told me he fought, I found out a day or two later from a teacher. That's when I found out not only did my son whip 3 boys on his own, but they had to run and get help. My son saw his grandfather driving up and ran to tell him what happend. We met with the school and so far since I've given him the ok to protect himself kids don't pick with him as much. So I feel your pain. It's especially hard whn it's your child and it seems like there's nothing you can do. By no means do I think it's the schools responsibility to tame these unruly children because that what's home is for. If more parents would teach their children respect and how to treat others the way you want to be treated ALL schools would be so much better. I know you may want to move back to Kansas, heck I feel like moving back to Kansas sometimes too and I have never lived there..lol..but it's hard seeing your child go thru things like this. All I can say is stay on the school. Teach your child to protect herself and pray that's about all you can do. Good luck to you in the future..let us know how things turn out.
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Ledda ... Hello and Welcome ... :wave:

    I'd have to agree with Brother HODEE on this one. Press charges. Get a police report. Get a restraining order. Take advantage of every step the law provides, notifying them and the "community" of the problem, and that you want it resolved. Get a written statement from everyone, the movie folk, everybody, have it ready for whenever you need it. Create a paper trail Sister.

    You're right, the days you grew up in, are gone. These children are stabbing and killing each other, over foolishness. It's almost like sending your child into a war zone! How can children be expected to deal with this ... and excel at the same time!? Take it out of your daughter's hands. She is not the one who should be having to deal with it. You're her Mother, and now that you know there is a problem ... handle it Sister! :)

    Does your daughter have a cell phone? If not, i'd get her one. Make it possible for her to call you at the push of a button! Make her feel safe! Let her know you will be there in a moment's notice! Tell your daughter to say nothing at all to her, but to call you, go to the adults in charge. i would not let anyone have my daughter feeling threatened, to live her own life!

    Brother HODEE also mentioned a different school. If this puts your daughter in a safe, comfortable, relaxed environment in which to learn and grow, this is certainly worth considering.

    My children are young adults now, and God blessed us to avoid many of the pitfalls laid, to trap our children. Be forever vigilant Sister! You are her Protector!

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    That is one advantage to a private school; the staff doesn't put up with the fighting nonsense.
     
  6. Ledda

    Ledda Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you for the suggestions, they were great.
     
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