Black Short Stories : BROTHERS

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by Ulysses E Taylor, Aug 20, 2013.

  1. Ulysses E Taylor

    Ulysses E Taylor Member MEMBER

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    I was so ************ drunk I puked everywhere, on everybody. Some people got it twice. I was at the bar celebrating my little brother’s 32nd birthday. He was drunk as hell too but he wasn't throwing up just grabbing every *** that walked past him. He got slapped three times and kissed about a dozen. We had bought out the bar and everyone was having a good time. It was awesome and at the same time scary. I’ve never been this drunk. I was fighting to keep my composure but it was a losing battle. I made my way to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I heard the dj playing How Many drinks by Miguel and I remember thinking to myself “**** I don’t need No mo drinks.” I doused my face in cold water and it woke me up a little and I went into the stall to take a piss. I remember hearing the door open and close but I paid it no mind and continued to handle my business until my stall door popped open and I whirled around. I don’t know what made her *** come in that bathroom but standing right in my face was my brother’s fiancée. She looked like she was in another world as she entered the stall and closed the door behind her. I still had my dick in my hand. She IMMEDIATELY pulled her jeans and her panties down her shapely lightly tanned thighs. Her pretty ***** was shaved just like I liked it and she knew it, cracking that sideways grin that always made my dick hard. I, of course, sobered up quick. She turned around and stuck out her *** just enough more for me to slide my ready rising dick right in. It was a pissy drunk sex quickie and when were finished she hurriedly exited the bathroom. I threw up again.
    When I finally made my way out the restroom and back to the party, it was still going strong. It was only 12:30. My brother called me over to the bar and ordered another bottle of Ciroc to be opened. He looked sober for somebody who had been drinking for the last 4 hours but then when you ****** up everybody looks more sober than you. He was smiling and started grabbing on me telling me how much he loved me gripping on the bottle and pouring it down his throat. I couldn't even LOOK at another shot let alone another bottle. “Here,” he said gulping down the vodka. I took the bottle and sipped. “Man what the **** was that?” He slurred out, his only indication he was drunk. “If you don’t drink that **** mannn,” he commanded. Fuckit I swallowed as much as I could and tried to keep it down. He laughed his *** off and slapped the next *** that walked by. The lady turned and realizing who it was threw her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him, making sure her body was pressed up against his. I peeped over his shoulder eyeing his fiancee in the corner watching every move he made, silently sipping her drink. I shook my head violently like that would get rid of the blurry vision but that only made it worse. “I gotta go,” I finally admitted. I was waaayyyy past my limit. My brother laughed and released the lady that was latched to his body. He gave me a kind of sideways look and then just said “O.K.” I made a move to get away from the bar but he said “hold up, let’s finish this bottle first.” I didn’t think I was going to get away that easy.
    We finally finished the bottle and by then I was DONE. I staggered to the car while my brother told the party he’ll be right back, he was taking his drunk *** brother (me) home. I was too drunk to put up a fight and it seemed he might actually been sober/drunk enough to drive me. I didn’t care I just wanted to make it home. He started the car and looked over at me cheesing. “You know I love you right?” He said. I nodded my head lazily and laid it back against the head rest. He started the car giggling like a little chick and pulled out into the street. We rode in silence for about 10 minutes before he began to speak. “Brah remember when we were younger and you promised to always look out for me. You know you kept that promise all through life and I loved you for that.” I was getting tired of this I love you ****. I was entirely too…he cut off my thoughts. “You know I would do anything for you, ANYTHING.” He kept talking but I was dozing off. He continued “So what she do, suck your dick?” “Who?” I asked. He laughed like a crazy man “Jennifer mufucka,” he responded. My head lifted up and I looked over at him. His eyes were on the road, intently watching as I saw his eyes dart from stop signs and stop lights to the yellow lines and sidewalks. He continued again “ You know I actually kind of liked the idea of you ****** my fiancée when I first found out last year. You know two brothers sharing love and ****. “Now though, the **** just aggravating.” I was too drunk to respond, too much in shock to deny. He swerved a little and my attention shifted to the travel. “You know Bro we should do a lot more things together besides stab each other in the back,” he said. I wasn’t taking my eyes off the road, he was picking up speed and driving reckless now. I was scared sober. He was acting ridiculous and it needed to stop. “Bro slow down,” I pleaded. He laughed hysterically and we gained more speed as we flew down the city streets. “ I have an idea,” he said. “Why don’t we just both just say fuckit.” He ran a red light and my heart jumped in my throat. I managed to speak slowly and calmly “Brah can you please slow down?” I begged. He pretended not to hear and we passed the 100 mile an hour mark, feeling like we were floating. I turned my head in his direction and he turned his head in mine. “I love you brah,” he managed to get out…before the Mack truck slammed into the passenger side of our car.

     
  2. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Bro. Ulysses Taylor, I didn't get pass the first line of your short story. I knew it wasn't something I wanted to start my day reading. Your strong language turned me off from jump. I don't believe this language is appropriate. There are other ways to write these words or to evoke the emotions they represent.
     
  3. Kadijah

    Kadijah Banned MEMBER

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    What the heck was that? :10500:
     
  4. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I have no idea. Rather raunchy for my taste. I reported the language, maybe I'm wrong...smh.
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Ulysses E Taylor ... yeah ... this is a bit too provocative for our family friendly environment.

    I hate making calls like this when it comes to creative writing, but ... somebody's gotta do it ... :nails:

    I'm sure it's a great story and would be well received in a different venue.

    Thanks for sharing though! Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. Ulysses E Taylor

    Ulysses E Taylor Member MEMBER

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    Sorry, My apologies...
     
  7. Kadijah

    Kadijah Banned MEMBER

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    Bro. Ulysses, although I found the story more suitable to a men's magazine, that wasn't the SOLE source of my bemusement. Other than an exercise in, well, raunchiness, I just didn't get the story. :huh:

    We have a black man who's sexing his brother's fiancé (no less!). That's it. What was the purpose, the motive, the "lesson", moral, whateva behind the story? So the car gets blind-sided by another car (drunk driving.... d'uh!). Uh, so what? Is that supposed to mean something?

    I didn't get anything except an immoral drunk, his brother's slutty-sick girl and I'm not really sure what the cuckholded brother even thought about the situation.... that it's implied is on-going and he knew about it. :huh: :huh:
     
  8. Clyde C Coger Jr

    Clyde C Coger Jr going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    No butterfly#1, nothing wrong, you did the right thing, resulting in an apology:


     
  9. Ulysses E Taylor

    Ulysses E Taylor Member MEMBER

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    I have a couple other stories on here I didn't get any feed back on what so ever. I'm just starting out as a writer and the criticism and feedback is GREATLY appreciated. Why just comment on this one though? Were the others so bad they didn't deserve a reply? The moral of the story was just as it was...Whatever you feel you are getting away with you should understand that you may not be as slick as you think. Like was said in the story they should do more together then stab each other in the back implying the relationship they have is based on just that. The younger was not interested in living his life like that anymore and wanted to go out with a bang. He taught his younger brother to be lustful and disrespectful, but when thrown back at him he couldn't handle it. It wasn't the words I wished for you to understand but the underlying current that moved it...Again my apologies.
     
  10. Clyde C Coger Jr

    Clyde C Coger Jr going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Relax Ulysses E Taylor,


    Maybe we've not seen the other stories, speaking largely for myself; everyone doesn't visit that Forum daily.


    This killed it:

    I was so ************ drunk I puked everywhere, on everybody. Some people got it twice
    :rofl:

    To open with a Topic Sentence that potent, requires a continuation of such language, which would be unbearable to the average audience.

    Who are you writing to ? Determine your audience and address them accordingly.
     
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