Black Relationships : Brothers: What Makes Woman Unattractive?

I'd like to see a thread on what men can do (on their own or in groups) in order to make themselves better.

There has already been a thread dealing with that on a small basis. But, by all means, post your own topic
 
I hope that there isn't too much of a penalty forspeaking the truth here on this most important subject.

What makes a black woman unattractive?

Here are the 7 things that would make a sista unattractive to me.

1-The Continuous Application of Unrealistic expectations and standards

2-Lack of understanding of what a commitment is

3-Need for control, manipulative tendancies, insecurities.

4-Tendancies to bring past relationship issues and self-hatred into current relationship

5-Unwillingness to play partnership role in relationships, especially financially

6-Continual distrust due to negative self-image and negative view of men in general

7-Unwillingness to be transparent and real, instead of living to make an impression

First, notice that I neither said skin color, skin tone, or even body shape in any of that. I've loved skinny women, big and beautiful women, athletic and well toned women, too. All of these 7 things relate to character traits. And I'll address them individually.

1st, the continual application of unrealistic expectations and standards. This often relates to what a person has on a material level. A lot of the things women expect from men are things that it takes men time to get - type of car and house. Then there is the salary expectations. If a man doesn't have a certain salary, even though he works and does the best he can with whathe has, he's quickly labeled a loser. Many times you miss the dream over the lack of evidence of him meeting your expectations in those regards. There isn't a push to find outhis goals, dreams, or character, because the standing idea is that a "real man" will have it all together when you meet him. I get where that comes from - your need for security. But I always point out that one who is hasty to settle into those kind of non-common financially secure positions often face a level of biblical punishment because of their unwillingness to work with the man for what they both want.

2nd, lack of understanding of what a commitment is - more specifically, thinking that men have no idea what commitment is "because if he did, he would marry you quickly." Any man worth his salt would NOT marry any woman unless he is sure of her level of commitment. Men are born with a sense of commitment. We know what sacrifice means. We take bullets every day from society, our jobs, the media, and life in general, all while trying to build a future, whether or not we have someone to go home to or not. We thoroughly understand that a marriage to an uncommitted woman is the most dangerous position to be in, especially if her motives for marriage are not rooted in love, but the need to maintain a social mask, financial security, desperation, etc. Men understand that marriage is for life, and a lifelong commitment is nothing to play with, so we have a need to feel you completely out before we even begin to talk marriage. Several verses in the book of Proverbs in the Bible alone contain many marriage warnings that need to be heeded.

3rd, your need for control, your insecurities, and your tendancies to manipulate are the main things that give men grief. Number one, we don't want control either. The model for marriage we seek often represents partnership, and that is also biblically recommended, not male dominating female. Most of you who believe it's about domination have been listening topreachers who never dug deeper in theirbibles than their former pastors taught them to. Second, if we chose you, things would go muchbetter between us if you would focus on that fact most times, especially if time is revealing that regardless of your faults, flaws, etc., we're still choosing you. Letting others get to your insecurities and then giving us grief over your insecurities drive men to cheating. Third, if you love us, why try so hard to manipulate us into being who we're not, getting what is not wise to get, or into keeping up a false appearance before others of how our relationship is (ie. I'm really in control, I'm just with him out of pity).

4th, Most of the arguments in a relationship outside of money and control are almost always about past relationships you've had. Why? Give me an honest chance to love you. I'm not that dud or those dudes that hurt you. If you're that hurt over yourpast, why are you in a relationship? Heal first, then come see me. I don't want your anger over your past.

5th, unwillingness to be a partner. Every time I turn around, there's at least onesister trying so hard to make it appear as though she's got the upper hand, or that he's too sorry to lead. When I talk to the man, I often find that he is not sorrry or failing to take the lead, she's just not listening to himor letting him lead. She's got to have everything her way, and when he offers that some of the ways she wants things may be unwise and may be detrimental to both of them, she shrugs him off, and continues verbally berating, verbally abusing and castrating him to the point where he's like, "what's the use?" He becomes tired, worn out, and contemplates leaving or cheating, because there is no win-win, just your attempts to win.

6th, applying the "men ain't no good no-how"image to your mate. I don't care what some magazine, radio show, tv show, or negative preaching pastor says about what men will and won't do. Neither of them know me or my heart. And as long as you stick with their point of view, you won't know me either.

7th, your unwillingness to just be the real you. You hardly take the time to show us the real friend you are, the real lover you are, the real dreams you have, the real values you have, and the real fears you have, all because you're afraid that if you don't keep up your front, we will leave. You're right - ionce we discover that you've been frontin' for so many years and we've been living a lie, we're very persuaded by the truth to leave. So it is best to be emotionally naked with us from the beginning. We can commit to a truth faster than we will ever commit to a lie. And if you're experiencing lying men, I suggest that you are attracting what you've been giving off in some way.

Geez, you are writing a novel here
 

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