Black Relationships : Brothers: What Makes Woman Unattractive?

NyneElementz

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Apr 6, 2006
386
338
Myrtle Beach, SC
I hope that there isn't too much of a penalty forspeaking the truth here on this most important subject.

What makes a black woman unattractive?

Here are the 7 things that would make a sista unattractive to me.

1-The Continuous Application of Unrealistic expectations and standards

2-Lack of understanding of what a commitment is

3-Need for control, manipulative tendancies, insecurities.

4-Tendancies to bring past relationship issues and self-hatred into current relationship

5-Unwillingness to play partnership role in relationships, especially financially

6-Continual distrust due to negative self-image and negative view of men in general

7-Unwillingness to be transparent and real, instead of living to make an impression

First, notice that I neither said skin color, skin tone, or even body shape in any of that. I've loved skinny women, big and beautiful women, athletic and well toned women, too. All of these 7 things relate to character traits. And I'll address them individually.

1st, the continual application of unrealistic expectations and standards. This often relates to what a person has on a material level. A lot of the things women expect from men are things that it takes men time to get - type of car and house. Then there is the salary expectations. If a man doesn't have a certain salary, even though he works and does the best he can with whathe has, he's quickly labeled a loser. Many times you miss the dream over the lack of evidence of him meeting your expectations in those regards. There isn't a push to find outhis goals, dreams, or character, because the standing idea is that a "real man" will have it all together when you meet him. I get where that comes from - your need for security. But I always point out that one who is hasty to settle into those kind of non-common financially secure positions often face a level of biblical punishment because of their unwillingness to work with the man for what they both want.

2nd, lack of understanding of what a commitment is - more specifically, thinking that men have no idea what commitment is "because if he did, he would marry you quickly." Any man worth his salt would NOT marry any woman unless he is sure of her level of commitment. Men are born with a sense of commitment. We know what sacrifice means. We take bullets every day from society, our jobs, the media, and life in general, all while trying to build a future, whether or not we have someone to go home to or not. We thoroughly understand that a marriage to an uncommitted woman is the most dangerous position to be in, especially if her motives for marriage are not rooted in love, but the need to maintain a social mask, financial security, desperation, etc. Men understand that marriage is for life, and a lifelong commitment is nothing to play with, so we have a need to feel you completely out before we even begin to talk marriage. Several verses in the book of Proverbs in the Bible alone contain many marriage warnings that need to be heeded.

3rd, your need for control, your insecurities, and your tendancies to manipulate are the main things that give men grief. Number one, we don't want control either. The model for marriage we seek often represents partnership, and that is also biblically recommended, not male dominating female. Most of you who believe it's about domination have been listening topreachers who never dug deeper in theirbibles than their former pastors taught them to. Second, if we chose you, things would go muchbetter between us if you would focus on that fact most times, especially if time is revealing that regardless of your faults, flaws, etc., we're still choosing you. Letting others get to your insecurities and then giving us grief over your insecurities drive men to cheating. Third, if you love us, why try so hard to manipulate us into being who we're not, getting what is not wise to get, or into keeping up a false appearance before others of how our relationship is (ie. I'm really in control, I'm just with him out of pity).

4th, Most of the arguments in a relationship outside of money and control are almost always about past relationships you've had. Why? Give me an honest chance to love you. I'm not that dud or those dudes that hurt you. If you're that hurt over yourpast, why are you in a relationship? Heal first, then come see me. I don't want your anger over your past.

5th, unwillingness to be a partner. Every time I turn around, there's at least onesister trying so hard to make it appear as though she's got the upper hand, or that he's too sorry to lead. When I talk to the man, I often find that he is not sorrry or failing to take the lead, she's just not listening to himor letting him lead. She's got to have everything her way, and when he offers that some of the ways she wants things may be unwise and may be detrimental to both of them, she shrugs him off, and continues verbally berating, verbally abusing and castrating him to the point where he's like, "what's the use?" He becomes tired, worn out, and contemplates leaving or cheating, because there is no win-win, just your attempts to win.

6th, applying the "men ain't no good no-how"image to your mate. I don't care what some magazine, radio show, tv show, or negative preaching pastor says about what men will and won't do. Neither of them know me or my heart. And as long as you stick with their point of view, you won't know me either.

7th, your unwillingness to just be the real you. You hardly take the time to show us the real friend you are, the real lover you are, the real dreams you have, the real values you have, and the real fears you have, all because you're afraid that if you don't keep up your front, we will leave. You're right - ionce we discover that you've been frontin' for so many years and we've been living a lie, we're very persuaded by the truth to leave. So it is best to be emotionally naked with us from the beginning. We can commit to a truth faster than we will ever commit to a lie. And if you're experiencing lying men, I suggest that you are attracting what you've been giving off in some way.
 

MimiBelle

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Dec 13, 2010
415
414
Texas...for now.
Occupation
RN-BSN
1.) Insecurity!!!

2.) Argumentative !!!

Insecurity tops the chart because I've actually dealt with this in a long term relationship and its not a good thing. Argumentative is another bad one - I don't see the purpose for arguing - I love women who think for themselves and can debate their points - but to be argumentative is on a whole different level.

I went to lunch with a sista from my job - and the waitress brought out the wrong order - not for her but for me lol and she went off!!! I'm looking at her like - I'm not going off - why are you? I kindly asked if she could fix my order - and she said okay - but that was not good enough for my co-worker - she wanted blood.

She dug deep into that woman and I was embarrassed - I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. So argumentative and insecurity - those things I would walk away from swiftly -

What I do like in my sistas - is a smile!!! If I'm around a sista that constantly smiles - and has a joking nature - I love it!!! I love an intellectual sista as well - one that will hold a conversation with me on so many different topics - and smile while she's talking about it - because she can do that.

Peace and Blessings

Ru2religious
I know that this is a 'what I dislike about women' thread (or whatever).

My God...if there's one that I cannot stand (besides a man that doesn't tip! *laugh*)?
It's a man who is mean to the waitstaff, i.e., 'the help'.
I went out with this one guy who made 'a scene' because we weren't seated 'promptly'.
...because another party (a bigger one) went before us.
I was still seated in the waiting area when he came around. He asked why I was 'STILL waiting'. I told him. So, he strode to the hostess and proceeded to show his a..s!
Meanwhile, I was sitting there with a frozen smile on my face looking, like, "Are you serious...? Are you actually gon' call the f'in' manager...? "
I 'don't sweat the small stuff'...and THAT was 'small stuff'. People make mistakes. Things occur beyond everyone's control. Adjust accordingly. You just have to cut people some slack every now and again...and he wasn't doing that. He understand the conflict.
He just wanted to be a d..ck!
*laugh*
That's the crux of the issue. I don't like rude and unreasonable people.

It's like the grocery store. There's always some a-hole in the line sighing loudly and being rude, in general. Murmuring about how long 'they' have to wait. Nevermind that the individual at the checkout is busting their butts to get everyone serviced. Not their fault that there's only one lane open. Not their fault that person in front is fumbling with the checks. Not their fault that the person in front is trying price-check everything. They were probably one of the few who didn't call in that morning....

So, yeah - he and I were waiting...but, it wasn't a big deal. It was with good reason.
You were correct to be turned off.
If they're 'difficult' with strangers...they're probably 'difficult', in general.
 

Clyde C Coger Jr

going above and beyond
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Nov 17, 2006
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I know that this is a 'what I dislike about women' thread (or whatever).

My God...if there's one that I cannot stand (besides a man that doesn't tip! *laugh*)?
It's a man who is mean to the waitstaff, i.e., 'the help'.
I went out with this one guy who made 'a scene' because we weren't seated 'promptly'.
...because another party (a bigger one) went before us.
I was still seated in the waiting area when he came around. He asked why I was 'STILL waiting'. I told him. So, he strode to the hostess and proceeded to show his a..s!
Meanwhile, I was sitting there with a frozen smile on my face looking, like, "Are you serious...? Are you actually gon' call the f'in' manager...? "
I 'don't sweat the small stuff'...and THAT was 'small stuff'. People make mistakes. Things occur beyond everyone's control. Adjust accordingly. You just have to cut people some slack every now and again...and he wasn't doing that. He understand the conflict.
He just wanted to be a d..ck!
*laugh*
That's the crux of the issue. I don't like rude and unreasonable people.

It's like the grocery store. There's always some a-hole in the line sighing loudly and being rude, in general. Murmuring about how long 'they' have to wait. Nevermind that the individual at the checkout is busting their butts to get everyone serviced. Not their fault that there's only one lane open. Not their fault that person in front is fumbling with the checks. Not their fault that the person in front is trying price-check everything. They were probably one of the few who didn't call in that morning....

So, yeah - he and I were waiting...but, it wasn't a big deal. It was with good reason.
You were correct to be turned off.
If they're 'difficult' with strangers...they're probably 'difficult', in general.
In the Spirit of Sankofa,

[email protected]Mimibelle,

Just a "Like" and "Repy" to let you know that even though you went off topic, knowingly lol, your straight shooter style of verbose conversation is much appreciated and read by many. You appear to be a plain dealer that will speak your mind, unashamedly...a rarity these days.

Peace In,
 

Shikamaru

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
May 7, 2011
3,444
1,960
I'd like to see a thread on what men can do (on their own or in groups) in order to make themselves better.
 

Ankhur

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MEMBER
Oct 4, 2009
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Brooklyn
Occupation
owner of various real estate concerns
Nasty personality, psychopathy, obnoxious behavior
 

Kemetstry

going above and beyond
PREMIUM MEMBER
Feb 19, 2001
26,861
7,720
Detroit
Occupation
Chemist
I'd like to see a thread on what men can do (on their own or in groups) in order to make themselves better.
There has already been a thread dealing with that on a small basis. But, by all means, post your own topic
 

Kemetstry

going above and beyond
PREMIUM MEMBER
Feb 19, 2001
26,861
7,720
Detroit
Occupation
Chemist

Kemetstry

going above and beyond
PREMIUM MEMBER
Feb 19, 2001
26,861
7,720
Detroit
Occupation
Chemist
I hope that there isn't too much of a penalty forspeaking the truth here on this most important subject.

What makes a black woman unattractive?

Here are the 7 things that would make a sista unattractive to me.

1-The Continuous Application of Unrealistic expectations and standards

2-Lack of understanding of what a commitment is

3-Need for control, manipulative tendancies, insecurities.

4-Tendancies to bring past relationship issues and self-hatred into current relationship

5-Unwillingness to play partnership role in relationships, especially financially

6-Continual distrust due to negative self-image and negative view of men in general

7-Unwillingness to be transparent and real, instead of living to make an impression

First, notice that I neither said skin color, skin tone, or even body shape in any of that. I've loved skinny women, big and beautiful women, athletic and well toned women, too. All of these 7 things relate to character traits. And I'll address them individually.

1st, the continual application of unrealistic expectations and standards. This often relates to what a person has on a material level. A lot of the things women expect from men are things that it takes men time to get - type of car and house. Then there is the salary expectations. If a man doesn't have a certain salary, even though he works and does the best he can with whathe has, he's quickly labeled a loser. Many times you miss the dream over the lack of evidence of him meeting your expectations in those regards. There isn't a push to find outhis goals, dreams, or character, because the standing idea is that a "real man" will have it all together when you meet him. I get where that comes from - your need for security. But I always point out that one who is hasty to settle into those kind of non-common financially secure positions often face a level of biblical punishment because of their unwillingness to work with the man for what they both want.

2nd, lack of understanding of what a commitment is - more specifically, thinking that men have no idea what commitment is "because if he did, he would marry you quickly." Any man worth his salt would NOT marry any woman unless he is sure of her level of commitment. Men are born with a sense of commitment. We know what sacrifice means. We take bullets every day from society, our jobs, the media, and life in general, all while trying to build a future, whether or not we have someone to go home to or not. We thoroughly understand that a marriage to an uncommitted woman is the most dangerous position to be in, especially if her motives for marriage are not rooted in love, but the need to maintain a social mask, financial security, desperation, etc. Men understand that marriage is for life, and a lifelong commitment is nothing to play with, so we have a need to feel you completely out before we even begin to talk marriage. Several verses in the book of Proverbs in the Bible alone contain many marriage warnings that need to be heeded.

3rd, your need for control, your insecurities, and your tendancies to manipulate are the main things that give men grief. Number one, we don't want control either. The model for marriage we seek often represents partnership, and that is also biblically recommended, not male dominating female. Most of you who believe it's about domination have been listening topreachers who never dug deeper in theirbibles than their former pastors taught them to. Second, if we chose you, things would go muchbetter between us if you would focus on that fact most times, especially if time is revealing that regardless of your faults, flaws, etc., we're still choosing you. Letting others get to your insecurities and then giving us grief over your insecurities drive men to cheating. Third, if you love us, why try so hard to manipulate us into being who we're not, getting what is not wise to get, or into keeping up a false appearance before others of how our relationship is (ie. I'm really in control, I'm just with him out of pity).

4th, Most of the arguments in a relationship outside of money and control are almost always about past relationships you've had. Why? Give me an honest chance to love you. I'm not that dud or those dudes that hurt you. If you're that hurt over yourpast, why are you in a relationship? Heal first, then come see me. I don't want your anger over your past.

5th, unwillingness to be a partner. Every time I turn around, there's at least onesister trying so hard to make it appear as though she's got the upper hand, or that he's too sorry to lead. When I talk to the man, I often find that he is not sorrry or failing to take the lead, she's just not listening to himor letting him lead. She's got to have everything her way, and when he offers that some of the ways she wants things may be unwise and may be detrimental to both of them, she shrugs him off, and continues verbally berating, verbally abusing and castrating him to the point where he's like, "what's the use?" He becomes tired, worn out, and contemplates leaving or cheating, because there is no win-win, just your attempts to win.

6th, applying the "men ain't no good no-how"image to your mate. I don't care what some magazine, radio show, tv show, or negative preaching pastor says about what men will and won't do. Neither of them know me or my heart. And as long as you stick with their point of view, you won't know me either.

7th, your unwillingness to just be the real you. You hardly take the time to show us the real friend you are, the real lover you are, the real dreams you have, the real values you have, and the real fears you have, all because you're afraid that if you don't keep up your front, we will leave. You're right - ionce we discover that you've been frontin' for so many years and we've been living a lie, we're very persuaded by the truth to leave. So it is best to be emotionally naked with us from the beginning. We can commit to a truth faster than we will ever commit to a lie. And if you're experiencing lying men, I suggest that you are attracting what you've been giving off in some way.
Geez, you are writing a novel here
 

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