Black People : Brothers & Sisters or Mates & Potential Mates?

I am one of those peoples person, I can talk to anyone and I never limit who anyone can be. I have shared good discussion with alcoholic homeless people to holding conversations with folks who have masters degrees in Anthropology.
I understand this. I am similar in scope and demeanor.

I was at the gym a few weeks back, and I was swimming laps in the pool next to the lane where this fat brotha with a pot belly was swimming. Something told me that the brotha was going to talk to me which was fine. Any way, he eventually compliments me out of no where on how well of a swimmer I am. I thank him and eventually we began to chat away in the pool, he is on his side of the divider in the pool and I am on the other side. Any way, he asks me am I single, I tell him that I am not single as of yet, but that soon I will be and when that day comes, I will not anytime soon be interested in pursuing a new relationship, I will be taking a break. What I told him was the truth and I meant every word of it. He then say's to me "Well, can you have friends?" I respond and say, of course I can but I am not looking for any kind of romance or anything of that nature. He tells me that he is cool with that. So he ask for my number and I didn't see any harm in letting him have my number being that the conversation was cool and we agreed on developing a friendship. He called me a few times after that and I had been really busy, not really having the time to chat.

The last day he called me, that day again, not really having time to talk to him and brushing him off to the side due to my busy schedules, I felt kind of bad. That day, I eventually told him that I would keep my word and call him back after I got out of the shower because I was running kind of late and had some things to do before I finally left the house, which would be about 3 hours later. Any way, I took my shower, did what I had to do and about 2 hours and 45 minutes later, a few minutes before I was about to leave the house, I call him and say's to him, okay, just keeping my word by calling you back. He say's to me, "Oh really, so you all nice and wet?" I was like, huh? He say's to me, "you talkin to me while you soak and wet, you took your shower right?" I say's to him, miss me with that kind of talk okay, I took my shower a long time ago and no, I ain't talking to you after just getting out of the shower. "He say's to me, what's wrong with you, are you celibate or something?" I say's to him, what's it to you, what dos that have to do with anything?" He say's to me, "well, it seems like a brotha can't be humourous with you and make a joke or two, you can't help a brothas imagination out, you gotta be all tense and make a brotha feel he walkin on pins and needles with you." I say's to him, don't you remember what I told you when I first met you, and no, I will in no way help you with your imagination." He responds with "Yes, I remember and we gone have a problem because I want to be in a relationship" I say's to him, we don't have a problem at all, you got a problem, but I don't. If you thought you were going to manipulate me into doing something I told you I wasn't interested in doing, you only fooled yourself." He responds and say's "So you don't want to be in a relationship, then what about a sex thing then?" I say's to the mutha "don't ever call me again, I don't like you and I want you to lose my number" I then press the end button on my phone.
Good story and told well. I understand completely where you are coming from and have experience very similar results. I get that whole 'well can you be friends then?' and they act like that's code and a lead in to sex or a relationship. I either can't do either or I'm not interested in either with that particular guy.

And again, that all goes back to people not learning early (as my children are) about how to have friends with people of the opposite sex. On top of that, we (society) have taught and expect men that it is their right and duty to try to get some sex from women, even if they are not interested in relationship. This guy lied about his intentions and used the whole 'can we be friends' as a leeway to be inappropriate with you under the guise of of a jest. Your response to telling him off was apt.


In all honesty, I can understand why the sister would make sure that if a man is not her type, that she sets a standard of being strictly platonic.

I have never had an experience where I call my self treating a brotha kind, treating a brother with respect as a black man, treating a brotha like he is just trying to be nice, no strings attached. I have never been able to just do those things without a brotha trying to holla at me, try to get at me or get into my pants...In my experience, if a brotha talks to a sista, that means he is thinking about some kind of future plans that extend beyond just being friends or being brother and sister.

So, I can see the sista resorting what she does... In her mind, she is thinking, 'if I am going to have to deal with a man that I take my time out talking to, at least he is going to have to be my type, that way, if he hollas, I may be willing to tolerate him.'
Hmmm... I appreciate this tidbit. Sometimes I think like brothas - that a woman who disregards talking to a guy she deems unattractive or unworthy of her time is just being a upsadditiky B....

When I see that, I'm thinking 'SEE?? THAT'S WHY YO *** IS SINGLE! BETTA QUIT COMPLAINING ABOUT THE LACK OF GOOD (BLACK) MEN AROUND BECAUSE YO *** IS TOO CHOICY! ALL THE BROTHA DID WAS SMILE AND SAY 'HI' AND YOU ROLL EYES AND MUMBLE UNDER YO BREATH LIKE YOU SAYIN 'I KNOW THIS BROTHA AIN'T TRYING TO TALK TO ME! I'M ALL THAT AND A BAG OF HOTCAKES!'

And for that, I blame black women for their own plight of being single, and that they have no reasons to complain about the dearth of brothas or men available to them. I still feel this way; but you comments gave me some insight to what these sistas might be feeling in their mind.
 
blinded by the matrix

I blame black women for their own plight of being single, and that they have no reasons to complain about the dearth of brothas or men available to them

we have all been brainwashed by the system of white supremacy to act in a foolish and counter productive manner.
that is why black people cannot find each other even when we are standing right next to one another.
 
I have thought about this many times too bro. It is nice to put aside the sex once in awhile and just socialize with the opposite sex. On the rare occasions when this happens, a good time is had by all.


You aint lyin'!

Can't we just be together sometimes and just talk as Black men and women with common or even not-so-common backgrounds and interests and goals?

Can we just do this sometimes without tryna to get a booty hook-up?

And even networking has its time and place!

Don't put somebody on-the-spot making them uncomfortable just to be there.

It's not just a matter of "Can't we all just get along?" but can we do that also with the knowledge that (1) he or she aint tryna to go home with you; (2) they don't wanna give you their number; and (3) they don't want your number either.
 

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