Black Relationships : Brother/sister Lovefriendship Or Loversfriendship ? know thyself

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by LibertyLady, Jul 8, 2004.

  1. LibertyLady

    LibertyLady Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    2,082
    Likes Received:
    7
    Occupation:
    social worker...
    Location:
    Holland
    Ratings:
    +9
    Recenltly it appears that there are a lot of casses of broken up marriages where people were cheating with someone they had a close intimate relationship with...
    for ex a good work colleague ,close friendship ,or a stranger on with they have shared intimate thoughts with ,wich they never had sharred with their partner.

    I get a lot of crying brothers and sisters come over to me and share their story,s broken and ask me for help or how to deal with the pain .(and maybe some of ya,ll to )It is not always easy to give good objective advise if you are emotional involved with this .What i mean with that if you have experianced it for yourself.At the other hand i do know wher they comming from so in that way i can undrstand their pain...

    I would like to give my apinion about this happening and discuss it with you
    talk about it and share opinions..

    This is what i like to discuss..

    1) can you have a close relationship withthe other sex while you are in a intemate relationship.. ?(yes i believe its actually a must but there is a big but i,ll explain)
    2)Morals and Value,s?
    3)When are we speaking of love..?
    4)Cheating misabusing trust ...why is it so painfull?
    5)Signs and acts of a brother/sisterlove friendship ans loversfriendship?
    6)Where does the trouble starts ?
    7) Soulmates, Soulmate, Soulmatch ,Marriage?


    First i would like to mention that when we talk about cheating...
    we talk about sumthing that always causes us pain.So the cheating itself causes us pain in the first place and it that it doesnt matter if it it a stranger or not.It hurts when some one you trust has broken it and have disrespect you by getting intimate with someone else .Thats why i would like to give you a first advise ....""dont put youre full trust in a person"" cause human are not mistakeles ..........""put youre trust in GOD "" "'put youre trust in him always ! ......dont listen to what some of the songs are telling you .......


    When somebody cheats on you with youre close girlfriend ,friend,brother,sister,collegue,niece,cousin ..
    or youre partners close girlfriend,friend,brother ,sister,collegue,niece cousin,
    it all is painfull.....its kinda dubble up because two have broken youre trust and heart.....
    your like ""where was i at that moment ? was i dead to you? i suddenly did not excist? wher was the love you had both for me? good actors at least you could have told me ! and the most familiar saying ........

    ""HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?


    now that last one up here...
    is a good question....
    and i will explain later...


    So can we have a close relationship with the opposit sex?
    Can we have a close relationship with the opposit sex while we are in a close intimate relationship with someone else .....?

    i believe we can ...

    As a matter affect.....

    it it One of Gods Commands...

    LOVE youre brother and sister ! as MUCH as yourself !

    That does not mean you have to be real close with everyone else .....
    it would be nice...One love :luv: ........but i dont see that happen that quick but at least love them dont hate them .You know somethimes you just connect sooner with certain brothers and sisters than others that does not mean that the other brothers and sisters are lesser or that they dont need love than the ones you give normaly to...

    So Can we have a close relationship with the opposite sex yes BUT...
    we have to know ourselfs and know about valeu,s and morals gods laws...

    who are only good for ourselves (gods laws .....look what a mess it is because we dont obey them )


    When you look at chirden in their young ages you see that they just choose a friend to play because they are kind or because they have candy (lol) not because of the opposite sex... Here is a girl mandy skoop is just her buddy,but mandy is in love with Flip...Here is bobby ...banthia is just his buddy but bobby is in love with Saroua.And you notice how they play with there buddy,s is the same way as how they play with their other friends who are from the same sex .....And this is what you can notice with grown people when they have a normal healthy friendship with someone from the opposite sex while they are in a ""good "" relationship....


    For exmple...


    (brb i have to take a break :coffee: )
    Ill continue
    i have to go to the toilet and change from computer

    (back no change of the computer and i have to coninnue with this slowtyping one)

    Tod has a relationship with maya ....Their Relationship is based on Treu love.
    It is treu love.Tod has friends , ronny,talisha, jairo, fiona....They are all close and he treats them all the same.Maya trust tom completely when he is alone with one of his friend of the opposite sex.Tod has a solid relationship with maya Witch is based on a good friendhip and true Love soulmate tipe of love everyone sees that its the way he treats her and the way he treats him....
    Maya loves fiona to and they are close to cause they come all over the house floor..There is no jaloursy cause maya feels and she knows that the love they share doesnt go futher than Brother/sister love friendship that its a lets say different kind of Loverelationship ,cause love is love but there are different kind of relationships ....in love ..

    let me explain..



    Loverelationship between....


    GOD and you.....(the most inportent one)
    Man and woman
    Grandpa and Son..
    Grandpa and Daughter
    Grandma and Son...
    Grandma and Daughter
    Father and Son
    Mother and Son..
    Father and Daughter..
    Mother and Daughter..
    Bloodbrother and Bloodbrother..
    bloodbrother and Bloodsister..
    bloodbrother and blood causin and niece..

    are youre neighbours

    and

    Brother and sister ..
    Who is your neighbour?

    Those who do the will of god...
    love youre brothers and sisters...
    Thats why you can have someone in youre life who is as a father to you..
    but is not youre bloodfather..
    or someone is as a sister but is not youre bloodsister..
    and that is beautifull....

    Back to the children..
    Its most inportent that we guide our children..
    teach them about values and morals and that they learn to respect them..
    Guiding them while they start expirimenting with their buddy,s or friends is inportent to verry inportant ,not traumatizing but teach them in a good healthy genltle way.. .Telling them about love when they are old enough for it telling them what people do when they are in love or when they are just friends...So that they are not suprised about their feelings when they start having them and that by that time they know how to deal with it...
    Dont stand their and laugh when you see alittle girl jumping up to a little boy and starts kissing him and rubbing at him and he screams no he doesnt like it...
    and dont scream at her to....you might scare her of.....and who knows maybe when she is grown up she might never aproach a man (this is not about me guys it was just an example ,)

    what frienship is and what it means to have a friend ....how to respect people...That they get to know theirselfs and their feelings...


    Know thyself!
    Cause here is where it goes Wrong..!
    A lot of people are not Aware aware of themselfs and others.
    Or they dont know theirselfs ....they dont watch their own way of moving...
    they just drifting .they dont paddle in a boat (i,m not perfect to i also need guidance everyone ,everyone has his emotional problems)
    Knowing yourself is verry inportent when youre in a relationship..
    Listening to youre deep emotions and feelings and expressing them are most inportent.And its also inportent that we litening to another whhat he or she is expressing ..(or is not)If someone say,s "'i think youre anice person "' take it as how that person is saying it and dont think that he means sumthing else with it...When it will aprear that the person who said to you "'i think youre nice"' and doesnt mean it hates you than this person has a problem..
    the person has to learn sumthing .The person has to learn how to express his or her treu feelings .I know that a lot of people are not always saying what they realy feel........that is ok .......as long as emotions dont build up that way and come out in strange actions or that the person will get depressed.

    Some people say to me...""you always get ending up hurt because you believe people of their word and than later it turns out to be different..."'yes i do we all do at times and thats why we get end up hurt...."But why are there words than? why are we using it to comunicate right.....I take the words but they come alive in expression (and energie).Most of the time i,m just hurt because of what they eventualy do to theirselfs...and that is lying...If i say i like you and i dont I,m lying to myself .................And lying brings you most of the time in trouble......
    Just say how you feel ...it can lighten up youreself...

    and sumthimes it is also good not to say anything..
    but first listning to youre own feelings....
    and than speek...

    or dont when it is not necesary...



    Where the trouble starts ....


    Most of the times when we talk about a close relationship...
    people in that relationship have shared intimat emotions with eachother and have gone trough a lot of bad things both or funny nice things They have exprianced this with eachother and this can create a strong bond. Especialy when thy were there for eachother when things were sad..
    because someone comes close to you...
    because someone gets to know you...
    and gives you that feeling that you are not alone....
    Because you see eachother faults and beautiness...
    you feel comvertable....
    Somethimes because of this people are getting sensitive by attraction..
    You give eachother compfort.....
    an arm a huge and somethimes even a kiss............
    beautifull ...
    when this person is a sister and you are a sister the attraction compfort stops it doesnt overflow into a sexual attraction..
    when this person is a brother and you are a brother it stops to it doesnt overflows into a sexual attraction.........(unless you are gay )

    Somethimes it does happen with the opposite sex asspecialy when both of the persons are in need of love are both longing for a relationship just longing for love or are just loney and alone.. And it becomes more easy when both of you are atractive like he or she is a type you could fall for.......

    A Lot of relationships come out of this or start like this...

    Bless when it is eventualy something positive...and if it stays that way aspecialy when those people are not in relationship cause it wont hurt anyone else...
    but when they are it will hurt ...
    A lot of friendships also ends because of this after sexual intemacy it feld wrong aftrwards it didnt feld good.It feld good on that moment but aftr that
    there wasnt any atraction anymore so it appears that it was just another lust attraction....


    people. ! Sexual Intemacy LOVEMAKING (not sex) Is the ULtimate TO CLOSENESS.....you conecct spirritaly Physically With love ......

    it can bond people...
    if it is treu love..


    Now i like to draw some situations here...

    The first case of maya and tod was clear...
    there were no signs od a lovers relationship between...
    tod and one of his friends cause tod..

    _cause tos never changes his additude...
    when he talks with her(fiona) or with his friends
    He doesnt treat fiona different as he would treat his male friends..
    the only thing he does is not shower with her naked after footbal (talking about value,s and morals)
    he doesnt change his way of talking to her while maya is around except when he is angry are sad .....because they had an arguement..
    They are just good friends .there is no energie between them undercover...
    a energie a love that is bigger deeper and stronger than he has with Maya...


    This is the second case ....
    and i like to ask you what went wrong ?
    and hope for youre respondingd..


    I have a girlfriend Lona and she and her boyfriend found Love...
    they had a long relationship with eachothr and it was beautifull...
    They went trough a lot of ups and downs .They had made love and stuff.
    than they broke up...
    They remain friend s..
    ROb finaly got a new girlfriend Mariska...

    and eventualu Rob cheated on his girlfriend mariska with.......



    LORNA....

    What went wrong here.......?



    third drawning of a case..

    SAlly has a good friendship with patrick but is silent in love with him...
    and never told him...
    Patrick has those same feelings for her...but never told her...
    Sally met this nice attractive guy Ronald who gave her a feeling for that night that feld bigger than what she feld for patrick and gets intimate with him
    and after that they were ""going with eachother"" Patrick continues with his life and meets a woman who he started a relationship with brett...
    Sally cheats on her boyfriend Ronald and she shares her problems with patrick cause they are still good friends....Brett leaves the relationship with patrick cause she feels that sally is taken alll his time from her and feels not good when she is around And patrick say,s that brett is just jalours and he defents
    sally in every way.....


    What went wrong here...







    I will continue
    and finish another time ..
    in the mean time respondings are welcome..
    and in the mean time you be good..
    get to know yourself...
     
  2. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Messages:
    833
    Likes Received:
    8
    Occupation:
    slacker
    Location:
    boringham, alabama
    Ratings:
    +8
    from our resident sweetheart

    we're lookin 4ward 2 it dear heart. bring it back home when u hv a chance, we'll b watin on ya.

    :thanks:
     
  3. LibertyLady

    LibertyLady Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    2,082
    Likes Received:
    7
    Occupation:
    social worker...
    Location:
    Holland
    Ratings:
    +9
    yes guys please read up You know with the start of the topic..... :look:


    i,ll contineu i,m not finished..

    but please read ....not to be arrogant but this is so inportent to read ..

    PLEASE READ TROUGH EVEN IF IT GETS BORING OR FAMILIAR LIKE I KNOW THIS THING .........(i can not force you but ....later you will understand why)

    i,ve been in meditation to this and pray for gods guidance and wisdom to put it down here in right order and words...I dont like misleading wisdom and i certainly dont like to spread some...

    cause there is a lot of bad stuff and confusion going on in the world
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    so true so real i feel you and awaits the rest
     
  5. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2004
    Messages:
    905
    Likes Received:
    9
    Occupation:
    administrative
    Location:
    Bowie
    Ratings:
    +9
    LibertyLady

    Yes, I believe that you can be friends with members of the opposite sex. The problem with some of these relationships is that people blur the lines when they want to. For example, I know how I categorize my male friends. There are only 2 people that I have been involved with intimately that I am friends with. They are my exhusband/father of my child, and an exboyfriend from many years ago. My ex-husband and I have never been back together once we split in 1992. The line was drawn. My exboyfriend and I toggled back and forth for a minute after we broke up because neither was dealing with someone else. That DOESN'T work. Someone will catch feelings again. It is too confusing. Then there are my "boys" or straight platonic friends. We can hang out, we can watch movies, flirt with other people, etc. because there is no relationship there and everyone knows their role. If something changes, then it is up to that person to decide what they want to do.

    If I were in a serious relationship right now, my man would have the opportunity to meet all of my friends. If not in person, then surely by phone. When you hide these kinds of relationships, that's when people get insecure and jealous. If nothing is going on between you, it shouldn't be a big deal and it should be reciprocated. Don't expect to get respect if you are not willing to give it. This is how people mess up the whole male/female or sister/brother friendship thing. As many male friends as I have had or have, only 1 was my best friend, and 1 was so close to my family he is like a brother. The rest were males I was cool with. I don't have a rack of play brothers running around. Alot of men have problems with that. :spinn:
     
  6. LibertyLady

    LibertyLady Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    2,082
    Likes Received:
    7
    Occupation:
    social worker...
    Location:
    Holland
    Ratings:
    +9
    thanks alk ,rich..yazzymoon...

    i,m looking for more respondings...and scetches of sistuations so that we can learn from it or give advises..

    and than later discuss some more points i put in here...

    but i know its a verry sensitive subject here though it doesnt look like it....


    :wave:
     
Loading...