Black Relationships : Bring something to the table, but what?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Enthralled, Apr 22, 2003.

  1. Enthralled

    Enthralled Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2003
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    At the gym a few nights ago, I was talking with a friend who was telling me about a new lady he met last week at a party.

    She immediately began to talk about her credentials: she's a physician, just bought a Jag, has a new home in an upscale part of town.

    They exchanged numbers and will probably get together again soon.

    But he was a little turned off by how quickly she ran down her credits. He says that it's nice that she brings all of that to the table but he really couldn't care less about all of that.

    Question to the men: When a woman brings high credentials to the relationship, does it make you more or less interested in her?
    Are you impressed with that type of woman?


    Question to the women: It's my experience (and I fee this way myself) that many men don't place much stock in a woman's pedigree. Do you find it disappointing that many men are not impressed with that fact that a woman is a doctor, lawyer, business owner etc?
     
  2. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2002
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    10
    Occupation:
    System Administrator
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Ratings:
    +11
    Yes

    Enthralled, I must say that I would be impressed with anyone with those credentials...your friend says he couldn't care less about all of that...I think I know what he's saying in that those things don't really matter if her attitude is "down to earth" so-to-speak :) If he's seeing her again then I assume that she has more to offer than her credentials.

    For your question: It makes neither. What I don't understand is why when someone states their credential upfront, we have difficulty with that...is it the credentials or is it how they are delivered? I mean it wouldn't take long before those credentials are exposed, so why would it matter if it's done on the first meet or on the fifth? Sure if the person is self-centered and only speak of themselves, that would raise a flag with anyone, but if that's not the case then why would the person stating their "make-up" bother someone? What other people have doesn't bother me in the least, but if they have a condescending attitude, whether they have something or not would cause me to pause.

    Welcome to Destee's Place
     
  3. monetg

    monetg Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    We all want our accomplishments acknowledged and validated which is why we mention them. I wouldn't say it's depressing but moreso disheartening since one of a woman's societal roles is to be the calming presence a man needs after a hard day's work.
    I agree that MOST men don't usually take stock until a woman's paycheck is larger than theirs.......
     
  4. Regina

    Regina Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2002
    Messages:
    324
    Likes Received:
    2
    Occupation:
    Engineer
    Location:
    Metro Atlanta
    Ratings:
    +2
    You are not what you do, it's who you are inside. A person's worth shouldn't be tied to how much they make or their credentials. It has nothing to do with whether one can be successful in a relationship.
     
  5. Nfant_De_Milieu

    Nfant_De_Milieu Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2003
    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    If I was a high school drop out maybe all those credentials would impress me because I would be looking for a meal ticket. Atlhough, I do like women who have positive things going for them, in school, a job, etc. I do want a woman who can offer more than just sex, pretty doesnot pay the bills. Some attributes I look for in women are self confidence , goal oriented and honesty.

    Usually when a person is quick to boast about what he or she has, that person has a bad sense of personal worth. More of, I never understood how people would go crazy over celebrities. Celebrities are no different then anyone else except they may have more money and fans.
     
  6. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2001
    Messages:
    1,312
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    under the sun
    Ratings:
    +7
    IMO..

    if a man is not impressed that I am whatever I am, professional or not, he would not impress me!

    I would not, on first meeting someone, stand there and list every single thing I've ever acheived, but certainly if it came up in the course of conversation, I would, and be very proud to do so, for that is part of what makes me who I am...and if a man is interested in me, he's interested in all of me....if he feels threatened by my credentials, then he is not mature enough for me to have a relationship with anyway..

    some men are threatened by a woman holding a position of power, being an intellectual, or earning more money than they do, and any man who felt like this would quite honestly be a big turn off for me...

    it all boils down to accepting and appreciating people for who they are...and if thats part of my profile, then he has to accept that part of me along with the rest of me.....

    K
     
  7. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,376
    Likes Received:
    1,431
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,863
    Whatever I "bring to the table" can't get there without me with it. I'm the one thing that is constant. The type of person that I am, it doesn't matter whether a man is impressed by what I may have achieved in life or not. I just hope he can handle it cause I can be a handful! :)
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,376
    Likes Received:
    1,431
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,863
    *yellin' across the room* ZGGGGGGGGGGGGG...where have you been, man!!! Good to see you! :)
     
  9. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2002
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    10
    Occupation:
    System Administrator
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Ratings:
    +11
    I'm still here Queen ...

    I've been working on a home project that's taking up my time. I read the board and you've said some things that I wanted to dialogue with you over, but didn't have the time. I'll try to get around to them soon.

    Thanks for the shout out :D
     
  10. Enthralled

    Enthralled Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2003
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    Thanks everyone for your replies. They are quite interesting.


    Kitana writes:
    ...."if he feels threatened by my credentials, then he is not mature enough for me to have a relationship with anyway..."


    I'm not sure that it's a matter of being threatened by credentials. I just believe that in many ways men are not as interested in the credentials.
    I've overheard women saying things like "he does this for a living", he drives a ________", "Girl, Denise got her a doctor."

    In my years, I've never known men to talk about what a woman he's dating does for a living or what she drives. Not to say that it doesn't happen, it's just not in MY experience.

    Whether it's nature or socialization, I just don't think that most men put as much stock in a woman's "table credentials" as he does in her "other credentials".
     
Loading...