Black Relationships : Breaking Up is Hard to Do?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Each1teach1, Mar 15, 2012.

  1. Each1teach1

    Each1teach1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    For what reason (s) (other than money and cheating) would you leave your partner? Under what circumstances? I realize that a number of black relationships today are not making it for very petty and selfish reasons, especially when children are involved. Id like to know your thoughts especially from men, would you give up on a relationship because your woman didnt cook as often as you like or cleaned up the way you liked? And ladies would you stay with a man who never did anything nice for you but always expected things from you? What if you did do the things he wanted but he constantly criticized you? And anyone can answer this, if you were constantly the one patching things up and trying to make it work but the other person made little or no effort would you stay and what would that behavior tell you?
     
  2. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    no, and it would tell me i am co dependent and that i cannot do better than what i have and feel like no one else would want me if i decided to stay.
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister ... first you suggest that folk are ending relationships for petty reasons ... something other than cheating or money.

    Then it seems you're giving reasons that could be considered petty, that aren't cheating or money, like plain ol' disrespect.

    It's almost like you're suggesting that leaving because they do not respect you, constantly criticize you, unkind to you ... is petty.

    Everyone has different levels of sensibilities ... what they can and can't take ... and their relationships will be subject to this.

    Some can stay with their partner, even if they cheat, lie, mistreat them, etc. ... while some will leave at the drop of a hat.

    It depends on what one can more easily live with / take ... what you might consider petty ... another considers humongous.

    I personally can't take a lot of "foolishness" ... and would be ready to quit as soon as i realize such comes with the person.

    Of course i'd be willing to wait, try to work it out, etc., but i aint got no lotta patience for it ... and they need to make it happen quick.

    Likewise ... i'm willing to give them the same ... for any behavior i put on the table that causes them undue discomfort or angst.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Listen Sis, people are strange. Let me give you an example of personal experience. When I met my first wife who is now deceased, she played me like a second fiddle. First of all, we moved in together and she was pushing up on me to marry her. About four months had passed and at the age of 24 I happened to notice that everyday that I came home, the house was clean, my dinner was waiting for me when I walked in the door with my bath water ready for me to step in it. In the morning my work clothes were always ironed and hanging up ready for me to go to work....plus the sister could burn !!!

    Mind you, this was in my deaf, dumb and blind days where ignorance was seriously bliss, so in that state of mind I began to look at the sister a lot more seriously and had even convinced myself that I could do a lot worse. At any rate, I married the sister and finally got a chance to meet the rest of her family. She had three brothers and three sisters. After sitting down and talking with her mother for about 4 hours, her mother came right out of her face and told me; "Baby, I hate to tell you this but you married the wrong one of my daughters". Of course I was confused and her Mother wasn't just going to spill the beans...but it didn't matter. I was happy as a pig in ish without knowing that I really was in ish.

    I took her down south to meet my father and I wasn't even there a good 30 minutes before my father pulled me to the side and said; " Son you not really married to her are you"? I got this same reaction from my mother also but ignored it because I already knew that my mother and my wife apparently had some type of disagreement before we had ever met. First of all, in order for you to understand me a little, I want you to know that I ain't never had what someone would call a "punk @ss woman" on no level. I've always sort of been into ride or die women because of how the streets are. At any rate, I met the sister at a club and we danced and I thought nothing about it. When I went back the following week she wasn't there...but every sister in there was avoiding me like I had a national disease and I couldn't figure that one out.

    About 45 minutes after being there, I saw a sister there that I grew up with and I came straight out and asked her what was going on. She said; "Do you know some woman named Shirley? I said; "no I don't know no Shirley"....she said; "you must know somebody cuse Shirley came in here and threatened to kick every woman's @ss in here if they so much as danced with you".

    At any rate, I was working two jobs, collecting unemployment and hustling copper on the weekends from abandoned buildings...so back then I was doing quite well if I must say so myself. All of this was to open up my recording company. One day I came home from work and everything in the apartment was gone except the cat. Here I am, young, confused, dumb as hell and on a mission. I didn't even care that she left...what bothered me was that she moved in with some junkie alcoholic suckers that I knew. I called m friend, got the shot gun and went up in that building. I didn't want my ish, I didn't want nothing but to talk with her. By that time one of her sisters heard about what was going on and rushed over, I guess to defend her sister....it didn't matter because as soon as she jumped in my face I cut her @ss.

    Yeah, I cut her @ss !!! I learned a long time ago that a woman would hurt you faster than a man and I wasn't about to get hurt. Now check this out. At that time we were married about five years and I was so busy doing my thing that I never once questioned why no babies was popping up. At that time, I knew I was the Ish!!! The only person at that time who could sing "no way I'm living without you" better than me was Jennifer Holiday herself!! Yeah, Destee knows I throw down...not like before but I still throw down. At either rate, I divorced the sister....and I'm saying all of this to say that; Us brothers, when we are young and haven't been through the changes that only time and experience can give you because there's no one like me to talk with and to relate to, we make a lot of mistakes and do a lot of stupid ish that sisters at the same age don't do.

    The truth of the matter is that our maturity level up until a certain age is way behind your maturity level. So yes, brothers may leave sisters on dumb ish or not realize what we have when we have it. I divorced the sister because she didn't want to go to the hospital to get tested. I was like, "ok, I been knockin these boots for five years now....where the babies at? So in my mind it has to be me or her that has a problem. Sisters, yall would have either hated me or loved me back in the day. I had a white woman that used to come down from Massachusetts every two weeks just to do my nails! Yeah, in my dead state, I was living like that !!! I had gold on all my nails with a black onyx of a club, heart, spade and diamond in the middle of the gold.

    I never wore a pair of jeans in my adult life until about three years ago. But to stay in line with the subject...yes, I can easily see someone leaving someone else for many reasons that may not be consistent with their lifestyle or principles. I myself have never been left by a woman...I did the leaving. I'm so glad that I grew....because in growing I actually was looking for certain people just to apologize to them...even though they may not have understood why I was apologizing....Sadly I learned that many had died...but the point is that, after I grew, I was able to look back in my life and see where and how my actions or words affected other people and I wanted to apologize for that.
     
  5. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    peace

    I've never 'left' any of my 'partners', we've agreed to part ways for whatever reason.... Even my son's mother was a 'parting of ways', literrally. She's a christian and at the time my son was born i was just starting to study islam and hadn't told her because i wasn't sure that i would stick with it, i was just studying. When i finally told her, she started flipping out thinking that i would change and make her walk 10 feet behind me and she'd have to wait on me hand and foot. Well, i continued to study islam and she continued with the ridiculous accusations, though i never once asked her to do anything different. She couldn't see that it was her who had changed simply because i was getting knowledge that she was unfamiliar with...

    but anyway, back to your questions:

    - No, because i know how to cook and clean as well and i have no problem doing either. But, if she's constantly the one making the mess and eating all of the food without contributing every once in a while, well suffice it say that she will soon have to eat out and bring some wet naps with her...lol

    - This would mean that one is taking advantage of the other, in which there is no balance and one side is going to sooner or later cave in. Not saying that they won't be able to stay together because there are many one sided relationships, but it will be a painful ride for the party making the only effort!
     
  6. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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