what she says makes me catch my breath she ran into him, he has nothing and she wondered how I must feel i looked at her, disgusted, and for the first time the whole situation finally felt real Break D ..........O ..........W ..........NO BREAK THROUGH I looked around and realized how far i've come and how much I have right here and now and how many new possibilities there will become and then I ask her to take a solemn vow that unless he told her he was going to kick my *** After tonight I didn't want to ever again discuss my past And, then I continued, I wanted her to understand How and what I overcame in leaving that man She kept interrupting, telling me her story and while I emphathized, I wanted to take inventory of my life, think about what I have and stop wallowing for what I left there is no need to cry So I got off the phone and thought of the following: When things were at their worst and I thought I would die nothing I coulda, woulda, shoulda done would ever reverse that relationship, for it always was and always will be my biggest curse I remember driving home daily from work wondering if he would go berserk looking at the digital clock driving around and around the block just so I didn't have to go home. Remembering how my hand was broken by the phone He tripped thinking i was talking about leaving him when I was trying to plan with my sister a trip to the gym I started taking sleeping pills at 5:15 at night so I was fast asleep nightmaring and there would be no fight when he got home from doing whatever it was he do Fourteen months later I knew it was completely through smoked my bank account in 36 hours then tried to make it all right by picking flowers and singing the same song and dance how can i leave him when he needs me, same old stance I packed my things and went to leave it was at that point I knew I would have to deceive . . . he slapped me, punched me, threw a chair at me then told me he loved me and he knew this I could see I told him what he wanted to hear smiled as I told him I would always be near he took me with force right then and there he raped me next to that overturned chair while I didn't say no, I was so afraid to not so I opened my legs and did what he want Three days later I began my search for an apartment this was going to be my biggest adjustment scraping money together from here and there I told three people what I was going through their answer: unfair the sh*t that he put you through It's besides the point I have to get out I can't stay there no more, without a doubt When I told him I found a place to live he wondered when we were moving and I had to give answers to questions he responded to with fists I am leaving alone and don't try to find me its been over for so long how can't you see that if we stay together I'm going to be dead and you'll be in jail so for once in two years can't you just let my words prevail let me walk out the door and you'll be in my prayers He opened the door, took my purse and threw me down the stairs I ran to the car and cried in front of the police station for an hour went back to work and tried to regain my power On the way home I stopped there again came out with the police escort I went in to obtain My heart was beating fast and I was nearly choking on tears I walked into the house that for two years I feared I knocked on my own door and opened it up and he sat their looking at me like I was f*cked up I told him I was leaving and I took two weeks worth of things i left on the table his i'm sorry, i promise, it won't happen again necklace, bracelet and rings I began a countdown (from my friends couch) to when I got my own place and the days (47 in all) fell off the calendar at an extraordinary pace Moving day came and thanks to two friends I got my *** out of a place that lead only to dead ends And now, only three months later as I look around I realized how far I have come and the old me that I found Life is calming down and I went back in school for a fourth degree never going back to him, thats a unVOIDable guarantee Tears of relief and exasperation begin to come and they flow The Bible is right, you reap what you sow.