Black Poetry : Break Through

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Randee, Sep 18, 2003.

  1. Randee

    Randee Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    what she says makes me catch my breath
    she ran into him, he has nothing and she wondered how I must feel
    i looked at her, disgusted, and for the first time the whole situation finally felt real
    Break D
    ..........O
    ..........W
    ..........NO
    BREAK THROUGH
    I looked around and realized how far i've come
    and how much I have right here and now
    and how many new possibilities there will become
    and then I ask her to take a solemn vow
    that unless he told her he was going to kick my ***
    After tonight I didn't want to ever again discuss my past
    And, then I continued, I wanted her to understand
    How and what I overcame in leaving that man
    She kept interrupting, telling me her story
    and while I emphathized, I wanted to take inventory
    of my life, think about what I have and stop wallowing
    for what I left there is no need to cry
    So I got off the phone and thought of the following:
    When things were at their worst and I thought I would die
    nothing I coulda, woulda, shoulda done would ever reverse
    that relationship, for it always was and always will be my biggest curse
    I remember driving home daily from work
    wondering if he would go berserk
    looking at the digital clock
    driving around and around the block
    just so I didn't have to go home.
    Remembering how my hand was broken by the phone
    He tripped thinking i was talking about leaving him
    when I was trying to plan with my sister a trip to the gym
    I started taking sleeping pills at 5:15 at night
    so I was fast asleep nightmaring and there would be no fight
    when he got home from doing whatever it was he do
    Fourteen months later I knew it was completely through
    smoked my bank account in 36 hours
    then tried to make it all right by picking flowers
    and singing the same song and dance
    how can i leave him when he needs me, same old stance
    I packed my things and went to leave
    it was at that point I knew I would have to deceive . . .
    he slapped me, punched me, threw a chair at me
    then told me he loved me and he knew this I could see
    I told him what he wanted to hear
    smiled as I told him I would always be near
    he took me with force right then and there
    he raped me next to that overturned chair
    while I didn't say no, I was so afraid to not
    so I opened my legs and did what he want
    Three days later I began my search for an apartment
    this was going to be my biggest adjustment
    scraping money together from here and there
    I told three people what I was going through their answer: unfair
    the sh*t that he put you through
    It's besides the point I have to get out
    I can't stay there no more, without a doubt
    When I told him I found a place to live
    he wondered when we were moving and I had to give
    answers to questions he responded to with fists
    I am leaving alone and don't try to find me
    its been over for so long how can't you see
    that if we stay together I'm going to be dead and you'll be in jail
    so for once in two years can't you just let my words prevail
    let me walk out the door and you'll be in my prayers
    He opened the door, took my purse and threw me down the stairs
    I ran to the car and cried in front of the police station for an hour
    went back to work and tried to regain my power
    On the way home I stopped there again
    came out with the police escort I went in to obtain
    My heart was beating fast and I was nearly choking on tears
    I walked into the house that for two years I feared
    I knocked on my own door and opened it up
    and he sat their looking at me like I was f*cked up
    I told him I was leaving and I took two weeks worth of things
    i left on the table his i'm sorry, i promise, it won't happen again necklace, bracelet and rings
    I began a countdown (from my friends couch) to when I got my own place
    and the days (47 in all) fell off the calendar at an extraordinary pace
    Moving day came and thanks to two friends
    I got my *** out of a place that lead only to dead ends
    And now, only three months later as I look around
    I realized how far I have come and the old me that I found
    Life is calming down and I went back in school for a fourth degree
    never going back to him, thats a unVOIDable guarantee
    Tears of relief and exasperation begin to come and they flow
    The Bible is right, you reap what you sow.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Randee dis was on the money
    ya flow is hot ...

    reap what u sow ! .....unvoidable guarantee.....never going back!

    u cast a message so strong ........LOVE CALLZ from above .
    tyteeeeeeeeeeeee scribe
     
  3. Bluewater

    Bluewater Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi Randee
    powerful flow
    wow
    yes this is a strong message
    Peace
     
  4. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is one lesson lived that should minister to many who are afraid to do the right thing. Courageously written!
     
  5. Randee

    Randee Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It all seemed to come together last night that I lost this and that and I was feeling sorry for myself and blah blah blah, but looking around taking inventory of what I had still and could get and all that I hurdled over to get where I am is extraordinary. And, this man I loved (and love still) has nothing. I don't feel guilty, I made every attempt and he lost it all on his own.
     
  6. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is another one of those times where I wish we had an applause icon on this site - not just for the flow but for the lesson. Many blessings to you, Randee.
     
  7. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    YES YES YES :) my sista I knew you would step back and see "hold up just cause i went through this dont mean I aint still a Queen!" :) Go get yours gurl you betta off without that pain...YOu are BETTER now :)
    lovin ya growth my sista :)
     
  8. Randee

    Randee Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Gempis and Triniti - girls you are so right, I can't believe how much better I feel today, refreshed, renew, reborn. No more whining, crying or complaining about life when I could have lost it. Press on ladies, it what we have endured for centuries, right? "Ain't nobody gonna hold me down, oh no, I gotta keep on movin." My new anthem.
     
  9. Randee

    Randee Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Gempis and Triniti - girls you are so right, I can't believe how much better I feel today, refreshed, renew, reborn. No more whining, crying or complaining about life when I could have lost it. Press on ladies, it what we have endured for centuries, right? "Ain't nobody gonna hold me down, oh no, I gotta keep on movin." My new anthem.
     
  10. true love

    true love Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    randee...i am so unbelievably happy and proud of you...i mean i felt your pain so much in your other works but in this one i feel your triumph. you are worth so much more than what you were going through...you're not the only person that's been through it...but you're worth more than that. you've already got through the hardest part which is actually packing up your s*** and walking out the door. i congratulate your for real! you do have so much more now, your life, your pride, and yourself! much love girl.
     
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