Black Parenting : Boys & Girls Transition Into Adulthood(Differences)?

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by cocobutterskyn, Oct 19, 2001.

  1. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have a son(18) and a daughter(15) My daughter has taken life head on. I find myself not having to do much encouraging for her to make choices to secure her future. She sets goals and accomplishes them. Overall she is more responsible.

    My son, on the other hand, I find needs more encouragement. He doesn't seem to be in a hurry to do anything, except girl watching.(though he is responsible sexually, thank God!) and hang out with the boys. He's a good kid, never been in any trouble and has always made the honor roll, since day one. He has talked about college often in his preteens, but now it seems as if he has no direction. Which to my best recall, started oh..... when he was about 16.

    I have several friends and relatives who's sons and daughters seem to go through a similiar transitional drama.

    My opinion,

    Girls transition into adulthood seems to be smoother than Boys .


    My questions,

    Do you feel Girls have a smoother transition into adulthood?

    Why do Girls have a smoother transition into adulthood then Boys?

    Why do Boys have such difficulty with transition into adulthood?

    Thanks

    Madd Sistahly Love:heart:
    CCBSKYN
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i'll do some research and get back
    i'll do my best to answer this quest !:kiss:
     
  3. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    $$Rich$$,

    You are a wonderful thoughtful man. Thank you. :love:

    Madd Sistahly Love:heart:
    CCBSKYN
     
  4. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Coco

    me too...

    I haven't forgotten about ya...just getting my facts straight first...lol

    I'll get back to ya...

    K
     
  5. nexis5

    nexis5 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    progress/regress

    I have heard some study that there is a message being conveyed to AFRICAN AMERICAN males around that age of 13-15.

    Its like a turning point. In various degrees the 13-15yr old will either remain somewhat in that state or continue to grow to the full extent of that which is to become an adult.

    One thing that I personally have fault with is, and this may not be the case, that for many young AFRICAN AMERICAN boys and girls there is no ceremony of that CHANGE into adulthood.

    A full explanation that goes further than harmones, graduating highschool and turning an age to vote or drive.

    Also, I feel that young people need to see mentors and examples of that which they wish to become.
     
  6. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I never viewed it from that perspective. You have a point. Other races have ritual/ceremonies to support the transition into adulthood.

    After reading your reply I visited websites which provided tribal rituals/ceremonies. Many African Tribes have traditional rituals/ceremonies which helps their youth's transition into adulthood successful(lack of a better word). The entire (elder) community is involved. These rituals/ceremonies emphasized mostly on social values and personal developement.

    And the Jewish ceremony Bar mitzvah initiating their male youth into adulthood. I'm sure there are many other cultural rituals/ceremonies.

    I also talked with an African female friend of mine who stated, she participated in a transition ritual. She explained it was an isolated retreat with lasted a month where the community elder women constantly taught her what is expected of an adult woman, from character, being a wife, mother etc.

    I agree with the mentor and role model issue. However, the friends and relatives children I spoke of, all have fathers living in the home, who I would consider good role models. This is what leads me to believe it's a little deeper than that. What do you think?

    And

    Do you feel girls transition into adulthood is smoother?
    And if so. Why?

    My opinion is a lot of our youth put too much emphasis on being adults for so many wrong reasons. Example; Legal age drinking, clubbing age, able to come and go as they wish, and as I have said when I was young, " I can't wait until I'm grown, so I can do whatever I want." Yes, I admit it. :eek:

    You reply is very interesting and I'm going to start looking more in it. I thank you very much. :)

    Madd Sistahly Love:heart:
    CCBSKYN
     
  7. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Kitana,

    I know you wouldn't leave me here all alone:)

    Madd Sistahly Love:heart:
    CCBSKYN
     
  8. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Coco

    I am thinking that once upon a time, girls had a smoother transition into adulthood, because it was the man who went out and earned a living and supported his home and family, and it was the womans job to take care of the home, the family and her man...

    So a young male grew up knowing he would most probably follow in his fathers footsteps or do something similar, and the young woman grew up learning to cook and clean and nurture, life was much simpler..

    Today however, it is a whole different story...men and women now have the opportunity to further their education so that they can have careers, which in some cases means the family is put on hold, marraige is no longer a neccessity, and both women and men are free to choose what they want to do in life and how they want to do it...

    I don't think the transition, in todays society, is any easier for the male or the female...females do mature at an earlier age than males but that doesn't make the transition easier, it just means males may be doing it at a later stage than females....

    Both males and females no longer grow up knowing that at a certain age they should be responsible for their lives, of supporting themselves or of having families...they are free to choose to do this whenever they like...society has made it that way...age says they are an adult, but they do not act like it in a lot of cases...and what is adulthood....is it the reaching of a certain age, the taking on of certain responsibilities, acting in a certain manner....I'm guessing each would have their own interpretation of it...

    As Nexis said, in a lot of societies, it was accepted that at a certain age or at a certain time in a young persons life, they would go through some sort of ritual or initiation ceremony that would make them men and women...this was a known fact to these young males and females and they had a knowing of what was expected of them....

    Today, with the westernisation of so many countries, these rituals/ceremonies are being lost, or termed barbaric or against the rite of the child, with outside influence...

    and this is not a racist comment in any way...but the only civilisation who never performed these rituals and ceremonies, were the white people, who are trying to outlaw them in many societies, and therefore change a whole culture and whole way of life....

    So I think the transition into adulthood, in todays society has no age limit, no gender preference, but instead is an individual happening for each young male and female when they feel prepared to deal with the real world and accept the responsibilities that go with that acceptance...

    K
     
  9. j'hiah

    j'hiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    answer to all questions:
    (1) the "codes" of "gender" societies of any culture (western or eastern) is a huge determining factor throughout the childhood/adulthood stages..
    (2) (and most impt.) the individual him/herself has more power and control over their maturity, responsibility and direction more than society or any other established and typical culture/gov't..


    this is my general opinion:
    any goal or perspective we have (or even experience) in our mature stages of development are the "built blocks"
    designed on the foundation of infant/toddler/adolescenthood
    which are the first three stages where viewing, observing, receiving, and responding to environments, circumstance, situations are first learned and INFLUENCE plays the biggest role throughout the whole transitioning process by which societies, cultures, but mainly the home are held most accountable in the conditioning and outcome of that child/adult.

    now i know from experience that us fellas have a harder time maturing..

    details later :wink:
     
  10. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hi Coco ... great topic and I do agree
    Our $$RICH$$NESS is a wonderfully thoughtful man :love:

    I have a 23 yr old son, a 16 yr old daughter and a 7 yr old daughter, Destiny, who told me she needs a journal so she can write her private thoughts! :eeek:

    Coco, my children's behavior, has been as you've described. My daughter more goal oriented and focused than my son. I have thought of this much and can't help but go back to the fact that he was raised without a father/male present. A female raising a man-child. Not any man-child, but a black man-child. I know yall can feel me. No easy task and I applaud all of my sisters who have taken it on ... especially if you're doing it alone.

    I believe there is some truth that one can't (properly) teach what one does not know. I do not know how to be a black man. Don't get me wrong, I think I did a wonderful job, but I can't help considering the experience he never had. It must leave one a little "less-armed."

    He got off to a slow start but soon learned adulthood meant "paying your own way." Matter of fact, what prompted him to move out was the fact that he could pay rent cheaper, somewhere else, than he could at home :lol: For a few less dollars a month, he could come and go as he pleased ... he's been gone a few years now! You gotta make 'em wanna leave :wink:

    He's a very responsible young man, taking care of me, much more than I take care of him. As a matter of fact, I don't know what any of us girls would do without him! :eeek:

    Like your son, he has never been in trouble, is respectful and overall a fine young man. That is a blessing. So many of our young men don't make it to adulthood without being fingerprinted, arrested, drugged-up, fathered-down, etc. Take the bless'n and run! :)

    My daughter is as you've described, 16 and knows what college she wants to attend, has taken the SAT and ACT several times already, is being bombarded by colleges all over the US. I certainly can't take a whole bunch of credit for this, as she is the one that is making it happen. Determined to excel, oftentimes, too hard on herself I think.

    Too many black boys are being raised without black men in their lives. As much as black women (should) want to see this changed, only the black men can make it happen. Even if your son has a father/male present in his life, many of his friends do not and the behavior of the group is determined by all ... our entire community feels the effect of black boys being raised without black men in their lives. We gotta get this part fixed, before moving on to the ceremonies, in my opinion.

    Just my 2 cent.

    No 2 people are alike, no 2 pregnacies, nor the circumstances
    surrounding them ... so not much else will probably be the same.

    Again Coco ... thanks for a great topic Gurlie :wave:

    Destee
     
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