Black Relationships : Both Partners Bringing Something To The Table

intolerant

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May 18, 2003
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My bf and I have been together for a few months but he lives with a family because his ex threw him out. He is a little older than I am, so we are from different generations. I am on the verge of getting my teacher's certification and me and him have had numerous arguments about something that we cannot seem to get around which is after I get my own place (taking care of my parents because they're sick) of whether or not he should come and stay with me. He doesn't have a job, except for working for day labor agencies, and he has argued me a lot by saying that I would be making a lot more money than him and saying that I treat our relationship like a business and not like we love one another. My theory is that if he isn't going to help out or have some type of stable income coming in, then that will be a problem because I shouldn't be stuck with the bills by myself. He tries this reverse BS talking about "If the tables were turned and if you were homeless, I wouldn't care that you didn't have anything and I would take you in" and I said that's nice and all, but I want to make sure I have my own SH** if the tables were turned because i would not make a man I am supposed to be a partner with do everything by himself. he would get mad everytime this discussion comes up and he says things to make me feel bad like I am a selfish person for wanting a man who can pull his own weight. I have been in a situation with an ex years ago where I took him on to live with me and he didn't work or anything and I told my current bf this and he keeps trying to say that I am treating him like my ex. I told him no and that I was young and dumb back then and that I have wised up and know that it's only fair that both parties should bring somethin to the table. Is it selfish to want that? Or should I be the one taking care of yet another man just because I have a job and he doesn't? thanx
 

skuderjaymes

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If you're not married.. keep your finances and living arrangements separate. Don't argue about it.. just tell him a dude on Destee.com told you to do it like that.. end of discussion. doesn't matter if he has a job or not.. or who he lives with.. keep that dividing line in place until unification day.

-peace
 

Keita Kenyatta

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Feb 7, 2004
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My bf and I have been together for a few months but he lives with a family because his ex threw him out. He is a little older than I am, so we are from different generations. I am on the verge of getting my teacher's certification and me and him have had numerous arguments about something that we cannot seem to get around which is after I get my own place (taking care of my parents because they're sick) of whether or not he should come and stay with me. He doesn't have a job, except for working for day labor agencies, and he has argued me a lot by saying that I would be making a lot more money than him and saying that I treat our relationship like a business and not like we love one another. My theory is that if he isn't going to help out or have some type of stable income coming in, then that will be a problem because I shouldn't be stuck with the bills by myself. He tries this reverse BS talking about "If the tables were turned and if you were homeless, I wouldn't care that you didn't have anything and I would take you in" and I said that's nice and all, but I want to make sure I have my own SH** if the tables were turned because i would not make a man I am supposed to be a partner with do everything by himself. he would get mad everytime this discussion comes up and he says things to make me feel bad like I am a selfish person for wanting a man who can pull his own weight. I have been in a situation with an ex years ago where I took him on to live with me and he didn't work or anything and I told my current bf this and he keeps trying to say that I am treating him like my ex. I told him no and that I was young and dumb back then and that I have wised up and know that it's only fair that both parties should bring somethin to the table. Is it selfish to want that? Or should I be the one taking care of yet another man just because I have a job and he doesn't? thanx


Sounds like a part time wanna be player to me! On the other hand, what does he bring to the table? I'm not working now...but my queen can get off work and just go to bed if she wants to. I do the dinner, I do the laundry, I clean the house, I do the food shopping, I do the repairs in the house from carpentry to plumbing to painting and more. Then I work on my book everyday...so it's really a question of "what is he bringing to the table"?
 

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