Black Relationships : Bored in a relationship

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Tee, Feb 27, 2005.

  1. Tee

    Tee Member MEMBER

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    What do you do with a man that never wants to go anywhere or has already done eveything? I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 33. They say that age doesn't make a difference, but listen to this..My problem is that my man never wants to go out and have fun. When I say lets go out to eat, he'll go to whatever restaurant of my choice and bring the food home. When I say lets go to the movies, he goes and buy the DVD's. It's to the point, that even when we go to Wal-Mart, Walgreens, etc; he sits in the car. He tells me that he's done with the "publicity stunts" and prefers my company at home. On the other hand, when the fellas want to go out, they don't have to ask him twice. If I say something about going out, he acts like I've committed a felony and catches a nasty attitude. Although I'm 24, I look very young and he looks every bit of his 33 years. Do you think that he may be embarassed because I look like a child, has something to hide, or a combination of both? Help, I'm bored and don't know what to do.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    not by far are the age different a major here and there is so much more
    his young 33 need to see yet on the other hand in such relationship i
    can't see him shying away due the the young face but what i've seen is
    some men who act this way are hiding something or may feel he don't
    want to be seen with you outside the home .

    Have you talked to him about this and communicate on the issue
    to see how he react , if he so fast to run the street with friends then
    there is a problem in the relationship your not aware of or see !

    there are men who don't shop and home bound but to not go anywhere
    with his mate is foul play signs of many likes of cheating / a lie told
    or he just don't care these are things you have to seek out why!
    spice up the relationship .......the answer is in the house ask him !
     
  3. soulfulmixx

    soulfulmixx Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    sista..to ME.. u should tell him each and everything u wrote in this post.. its laid out plain and simple... again..i am a big advocate on COMMUNICATION..
    my big question here is .. was your man this way when u met him?? age does make a difference to a "degree" it really all boils down to the individual really..

    somethings that struck me as a red flag and left me highly suspicious ..was that it being difficult for him to do even simple things with u and he catches attitude from just asking to go out???..going out with u equates to "publicity stunts"as he calls it lol but when his friends want to do something theres not asking twice and its cool.. no sis that wouldn't settle well with me and we would def. have to sit down there is obviously something wrong right there... we can all speculate but only he can tell u what the deal really is..

    if the both of u really want to be together and have fulfillmentand understanding on both ends verbalize just that (BOTH)and sit down and talk sis....and come to a medium-- both have to be willing.. if not why waste eachothers time.. move on and find someone more compatible.. life is too short..ans sista's please pat attention to warning signs/red flags.. don't let things linger...
     
  4. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is absolutely true, and it is the same advice I would give for this situation.
     
  5. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    To me, it seems like he's either hiding something from you or he's embarrassed to be seen with you. Do you keep yourself well groomed?. That may be a factor. If you are heavy set that may be another factor. It's sad but true- looks DO play a role in things. I doubt that your situation has anything to do with your age difference. Have you brought this subject up to him?
     
  6. Tee

    Tee Member MEMBER

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    To answer your question..I keep myself well groomed. I get my hair and nails done every week. I dress in the latest fashions, so I absolutely know that this is not the problem. My size doesn't play a factor either because, I'm 5'2 (small-medium frame). He hasn't brought the age up as a factor, but the things that I want to go and do (movies, dine out, travel), he always says that he's done that 10 years ago; which would put him at age 23 (around the age I am now). I keep expressing my wants, but they just go in one ear and out the other, so enventually, before I cheat, I think I will just leave the relationship. Thanks.
     
  7. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    It sounds like a playa trying to play to me. Or, it's the older dominant man thing (hence, age difference) coming into play.

    Nevertheless, it's important that you follow the correct procedure in dealing with such situations. And that is, listen to Soulfulmixx. Follow her suggestions. Before you just up and leave the man, ask of him what you really want to know. That way, you will not have any doubts in your mind as to whether or not you did the right thing by ending the relationship.

    peace
     
  8. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Question, do you ever offer to pay when you go out, or does he pick up each and every bill? Movies aren't expensive, but dining out and traveling can be if your partner is not willing to dig in her purse once in a while. Maybe that's why he wants to chill at home, because he wants to save his money for something more important.

    If that's not the problem then I'd agree with what everyone else said. Maybe you need to find someone that's not boring. Some people would rather stay at home, but to do it excessively is a problem. Maybe he's depressed.
     
  9. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Kente

    brings up a good point. He could be trying to do something special for you...and not going out is a good way of saving up the money to do so. We all tend to do things like that every now and again without letting the other person know. So, talk to him first. You may not know what he has in store for you. :D

    peace
     
  10. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yeah, that too, but what I'm trying to get at is that maybe he's tired of being the only one shelling out money just to entertain her. If I'm in a relationship and she can't treat me sometimes when we go out......then we're not going out that often. Especially if she's the type that always wants to do something. I've noticed that the women that bore easily are the ones that never pay for anything. I mean, of course a person is going to always want to go out on the town if they never pay for anything. If they had to actually contribute they'd be more willing to have a nice dinner and movie night at home.
     
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