Blkbutterfly41 she said/I said

Discussion in 'Violators and Violations (Possible Ones)' started by truetothecause, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The purpose of this thread is for support to help me see what I may have missed and to set the record straight. Clear Communications, review and assessment of the current shyuation going down.
    I don’t usually do this and it took a couple hours and still not in perfect format and commentary .
    Yet, here it is…it took me a little bit to figure out how to do the individual post links and I’ve not the time to fix THAT all up…so sorry….


    My bottom line…..

    I’m open to Listening, Learning and Restoring order AND…cleaning up any ish I’ve added to the pot!

    It all started in the thread started by Jahari “Is Patriarchy a Bad Thing”
    http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61649

    My intro into this thread: Post# 41 addressed in direct response to the question

    My second post
    # 46 in response to the original poster
    The OP and I interact for a bit; post # 47, - 50

    PurpleMoons enters the discussion @ Post #54 in response to something blkbutterfly41 said:
    Blkbutterfly41 said:
    To which SiS PurpleMoons said:

    At this point…the discussion continues to flow smoothly as indicated by SiS LindaC in post # 53

    Brother Jahari and myself continue in post # 55, 56, 57, 62,

    At this point, SiS PurpleMoons, Brother ru2religious and blkbutterfly41 and conversing and sharing views

    Post # 71 is when I ask a direct question to blkbutterfly41:

    She said in reply to PurpleMoons:
    I said to her:
    During this time, SiS Astrologer4U is dialoguing with Brother Jahari…all is still peace…

    Then blkbutterfly41 reply to me…: post #84


    I’m noticing how you initially referred to me as “hun”…then it moved to “brother”…

    I said in post # 85:

    I said that because of THIS prior interaction WE had Here

    Moving on….
    You came back with: post # 93
    This is where the judgments, insinuations and instigation's REALLY began for me. Up to this point, I was clearly “on topic” and simply corrected my gender which I still think you knew. I dropped it after that. No harm no foul….I’m thinking…then…



    In post # 98, I asked you not to refer to me as “hun”. That was an example of clear communication attempting to let you know a little more about me since you are a newcomer to the site. This type of behavior is typical and healthy in building relationships. To be exact, I said:
    If you knew more about me, you would know what I’m talking about when I talk about being “RAW” and sensitive to ****..tho..I said stuff in respect of this community.


    You came back with this in post #

    What you dont' know is that I apologize "all the time" as well...even here on this board. Additionally, I don’t know what I would be apologizing for or what I would be “owning” yet…insinuating my status as a woman etc…

    Oh that’s right…you DID edit that , however, I captured the original statements here: post # 100

    The only thing that did not “sit well” with me on this thread up to this point was being called “hun” and “brother”. I let you know that in a respectful manner, no attempts to denigrate you in any way….

    You came back with this in post # 102


    And I replied with this:

    Here is YOU again: post # 105

    In response I said:

    Telling you again a little more about me…

    In post # 84 I attempted to refocus back to thread topic

    YOU came back with this in post # 85:

    You were still disrespecting calling me “hun” and making judgments and all…smh…

    I replied:
    I have no idea where I've disrespected you yet you are full of labels and a lot of other nasty ish for .....

    I even went back to try and see what you thought you saw and you came back with more B.S.


    this was your post...
    In post # 120 you asked a direct question and in post # 121 I responded in the affirmative…

    By post # 124 you were at it with SiS Astrologer4U calling her brother

    Post # 127 I replied to three quotes involving us Sistren and offered a potential solution to you so as to avoid such conflicts in the future.

    Post # 131 LindaC comes back with a statement and my thoughts now is… “ya’ll” who:?: humph!

    And you said:


    I’m trusting this record speaks for itself!

    Getting the hang of this now...


    You go on to say in reply to my post # 140
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614684&postcount=144

    I replied with post # 157
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614746&postcount=157

    You in post # 161
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614779&postcount=161


    My reply Post # 166
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614821&postcount=166

    You post # 167
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614822&postcount=167

    Me in post # 168
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614825&postcount=168

    Then I reply to SiS A4U and you jump in with your question here post # 174
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614859&postcount=174

    Post # 176 I’m summarizing trying to overstand where your coming from and exactly what has happened
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614863&postcount=176

    In post # 182 I answer you question from Post # 174
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614899&postcount=182

    I made some additional suggestions here

    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614925&postcount=186

    By post # 193 we’re..you and I are winding down

    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614976&postcount=193

    You post # 199
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=614999&postcount=199


    It’s still kinda difficult to believe one who has traveled the internet boards (according to you who know some of these guys from other sites) could miss the box..yet…I know it’s possible…no matter

    Then your last words…I think….to us
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=615116&postcount=210

    After all of this taking place between 11/26/07 – 112/1/09


    On 12/5/09 I start a conversation entitled “Sex in the Ancient World".

    Blkbutterfly41 enters the discussion on 12/11/09 with a peaceful, respectful interaction with New Member JackieO. I have consciously avoided conversations with her up to this point.

    Then the same ole stuff starts again. First the “joking” sideways comments butting in my conversation with Brother DarkSide Magick
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=617716&postcount=36
    I respond to you both..and btw..at this point I have already stated my sensitivity to ops…other peoples stuff…
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=617722&postcount=39

    As I’m looking at the post which followed…I can see that, yes, I could have blown it off and taken for what it was worth. I think it’s more a case of “first impressions are lasting” fits as it had only been one week.
    So my bad…I could have done different…my apologies….

    One of my pet peeves is our focus on buying more books as opposed to direct sharing those things we have learned. We in a bloody war and loosing. I for one do not have time to read a lot of books. I come on internet discussion boards to discuss and share mostly. I do and have purchased some books recommended by others tho…
    Most have been the first impression plus my daily grind….

    You should also know about me, I don’t “play” a lot unless I’m feeling safe with a person. I don’t know you well enough to play with you. First impression….

    Post # 46 is where it went waaay down hill and probably my sensitivity to being ridiculed. When you directed comments about me to DarkSide Magick..

    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=617740&postcount=46

    The rest went where it did and now you use my comment in that thread as evidence that some folks get special privileges or something.

    Just don’t add up to me.

    Like I said….I could have been lighter in the Sex thread yet I was still cleaning the ish off my glasses from the first thread. Having done a thorough job of it tonite…I can see my ish clearly…for that I apologize.

    Like cherry blossom said..she and I are still working to build. I did not like the way she came in the house either and I don’t like your approach. Her’s to me, was similar. Come in swinging without taking time to ask questions and get to know people. NO none here is perfect and many squirmishs have kicked off. I have and shall continue to advocate a reduction, rather, throwing out of the tendency to ridicule, judge, label or otherwise attack a person’s character. I’m not happy about having the fun I did in your support thread..yet…I did not appreciate being used as an example for your query. I am not currently a premium member so it does not fit even in that regard.

    So..I did this, a first for me I believe, cause I wanted to put this to rest. I’ll probably work to avoid you and watch, listen and learn. I have found that it’s not mentally or emotionally safe for me to converse with you…given you tendency towards jokes, blame, judgment and ridicule…all tactics of yes, teens and white folks!

    I could use even your support in that.


    Thanks for Listening….


    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
  2. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    Thank you for this, Sister True!

    Thank you for all that you've posted here in your honest attempt to smooth some rough spots and contention between you and Sister BB41. :toast:

    However, I do have one observation....

    Now, I commend you for your honest admission of being in perpetual "RE-Covery" and for taking ownership of your own "ish," as you call it. :)

    AND, in defense of myself, I think your "First Impressions" play a major part in some of your initial exchanges/interactions with others.

    When I posted my thread, "Any Christians in The House," you perceived that as me "waving my Christian banner."

    And when I responded to you in the "Christian Testimonies" thread because I was innocently misdirected there by Sister Destee, that, too, was a mistaken intent; and that led to our initial conflicts.

    So, in all fairness, I think, you too "should ask some questions, get to know people a bit more" before making a determination on them based on your "First Impressions."

    Yes, the expression goes, "First impressions are lasting impressions."

    BUT, there is also the issue of "Never judge a book by its cover."

    So, if "First Impressions" are subject to error (and they can be), then without further probing, investigation or observations, those "impressions" can adversely affect relationships and communications.

    AND, I am glad that you and I are "working to build."

    Also, in claiming my own "ish," I admit that my own "First Impressions" from my reception from my first thread also "colored" my first interaction with you.

    So, you see how those "First Impressions" can be rather damaging to "building and embracing" with each other?

     
  3. Astrologer4U

    Astrologer4U Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh please...

    Come on, let's get real here, BBF41 came in with the intentions of favoring brothas over sistas, she even admitted to that fact her self. Anyone can go read the thread themselves to take a look at her intepretations and perceptions, they will see that her perceptions in that thread was based on her favortisim. She has created her own problems here...


    This thread that Sista True has waisted time posting is backlash from BBF41 never truly apologizing for the havock she created in Jaharis thread "Is patriarchy a bad thing?"



    http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61649&page=22



    Astrologer4U
     
  4. blkbutterfly41

    blkbutterfly41 Banned MEMBER

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    Astrologer, She decided to leave it in the hands of the authority , So why the announcement about what YOU THINK ??:10500:

    What makes your perception a fact ?? Ohhhhhhhhhh, The stars told ya ??

    She posted the threads and all the information is in black and white. So why must you keep adding fuel to the fire ?? Let things calm themselves down.


    Once I realize that she was addressing her concerns to the proper authorities, I deleted my own post. So why don't you step back and let THEM do their job.

    You must see me as a real threat. lol Whew, sisterly, mayne if this is sisterly I hate to see your version of motherly. I guess that will about kill em !!!! lol :SuN049:



    TO DESTEE: That's why Mods should be the only ones that allowed to moderate, IMHO. You have instigators under the disguise of sisters and brothers bringing MORE havoc under the disguise of, Peace. It's outrageous !!! Like kids play, Tthe sister probably wouldn't have took it to this extreme of it wasn't for others pushing the issue.

    Geez, If you like for me to leave your site I would be more then happy to oblige. Especially if these folks are your representatives.

    I shall wait from an reply from you or any of your representatives . Until then I'mma hang out. And ignore the shanegans


    I wish you well,

    Peace



     
  5. decipherx1

    decipherx1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    WOW it's getting this deep huh? smh
    Really, the bottom line is EVERYBODY is not going agree w/ one another on every topic
    point blank! NO family on the face of this earth does so, there are no BRADY BUNCHES on line or off that exist, so we cannot expect everyone to see eye to eye on every singlr point! And If I feel like I'm right about something I'm not going to agree /w someoneone just to stroke their egos, it is what it is, the truth speaks for itself, and thats what I go by, not because I like this one over that one; if I disagree w/ you it's all good and I keep it moving, but I'm not going to agree w/ you because we're cool, and that goes for anyone else, I don't get down like that, If I feel like my research is on point , i'm not changing it just to PLEASE someone else, it's not keeping it real thanking everybody because you fear it won't be peaceful, we are all SUPPOSE to be Adults so thats just a fact of life we can all agree to disagree.
    I'm not one for dictatorship.
     
  6. Astrologer4U

    Astrologer4U Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You are boring as heck, can't you come with something better than the same old lines... Yawns, Yawns, Yawns... You make me sleepy...



    Astrologer :fyi: not 4 U
     
  7. blkbutterfly41

    blkbutterfly41 Banned MEMBER

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    Brother D.

    As much as I love you and others I refuse to do it too !! Respect don't mean agree. True brothers and sisters DO NOT just tell you what they think you want to hear, But they will keep it real even if it hurts.

    Glad that you lead by that example.

    I don't know what to say, I swear you would think by the behavior of of the few, This was an teen site.

    I will forever be me. I ask for genuine honest dialogue that's it. I mean what I say and say what I mean.

    You have a good night, Bro...... I going to leave them to their errrrrrrrrrrrr fun.


    Peace
     
  8. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    and...THANKS for the reply!

    Ok cherryblossom....

    First I will address your use of "Perpetual REcovery". At first read, I felt the this terminology as an insult. YES...that's what I read, heard and felt and believe you meant in your heart of hearts. Of course, I could be wrong..either way..no matter. That's how I experience your style...off handed insults.
    As I thought how I would address what I felt, this required additional thought. Out of that came my realization that YES I AM IN "PERPETUAL RECOVERY". As long as I am on this place called Earth, I am in a state of working towards my REturn to the Spirit realm. That is on a Spiritual tip. Societally, I am also in a state of "PERPETUAL RECOVERY". On this level of lived experience, (Societal), as a Woman of AFREEKAN DESCENT, I am working to REcover my True CULTURAL STORY and Life. I am aware that I am up against a shystem of white supreme lunacy whose primary aim is to force my remain in their pile of ish, and a belief that one "can't beat the shystem". PERPETUAL RECOVERY...YES. Same goes on the Communal, Familial and Individual level's regarding my life's work and mission.

    "Our souls do not like stagnation. Our souls aspire toward growth, that is, toward remembering all that we have forgotten due to our trop to this place, the earth. In this context, a body in pain is a soul in longing. To shut down the pain is to override the call of the soul". (Sobonfu Some, Ritual).


    Next, regarding my "asking questions"....lol...well, a cursory glance at the conversations I've been in will lead you to KNOW....that I DO ask questions..and a lot of them. I am also known for "practicing what I preach and teach".

    The threads you point to were not the BASIS of my "impression" of you. During your first week or two, I listened to your interactions with others and not just myself. By the time you made it to the Christian Testimonies thread, some cards were already on the table. At that point, I COULD HAVE responded differently yet KNOW I responded FIRST out of my own selfish need and desire to continue my PERPETUAL RECOVERY process and separate myself from acceptance of what I call christ insanity. I kind of felt it more like I was being used as protection from the ish that had been kicked up with your entrance here and I wanted NO PART of that.
    I lot was going on in the house during that time....this one as well as my own personal 'house'. Given my state of PERPETUAL RECOVERY....I work to protect myself from being the consummate care-taker..tho I KNOW I do it well. It's my own personal struggle or "thorn in the side" if you will.

    This state of PERPETUAL RECOVERY dictates and demands that I gain and remain in an INTEGRATIVE state..Connecting and maintaining Connections and that which has been Dis-connected. On this site, that work is happening on the COMMUNAL LEVEL as Afreekans work to Live the principles and practice BROTHERLY AND SISTERLY LOVE..TOWARDS EACH OTHER...AFREEKANS as this society works to maintain Us in a disconnected state.

    While I do not 'profess' christ insanity...ok...Christianity or Christian status...I HAVE BEEN THERE and DONE THAT...according to the word....I can't go back even tho I may want to. ..."Once saved, always saved"..just in a 'back-slidden state". So you may hear me refer to scripture in application of making a point.....INTEGRATIVE...ok...so now I'm off on a tangent..time to re-group, or re-focus....:SuN049:

    I ask Christians QUESTIONS in my quest for INTEGRATION and REconnections..however...seems thanks to YOU...*SMILE PLEASE*....that is no longer acceptable and seen as "disrespect". YOU made it clear that you were not interested in talking christianity save with other's who profess christ as their savior. no harm, no foul I say and I keep it moving. I OVERSTAND the challenges inherent in DEBATE and people's 'faulty' and ineffective style of Communicating and RESPECT (see) that this is what supports your position. It also seems that many have difficulty with addressing questions and I sense this is because it challenges us to THINK deeper about whatever it is we are being questioned about.
    Using the european style of communicating for me as an AFREEKAN DESCENDANT IN A STATE OF PERPETUAL RECOVERY...is problematic. I sense many here are on that same journey and not fully aware, nor have accepted it...so they experience pain when directed to it. In the Some book Ritual, it states, "For the Dagara elder, pain is the result of a resistance to something new- something toward which an old dispensation is at odds". "Pain", we are taught in this sick european shystem is something to be avoided rather than embraced. I embrace it recognizing the growth potential inherent in it. "Meh no fear no tear cause every tear can patch and meh love it even better when we meet meh match" (Tanya Stephens, Do You).

    And NO I am by NO MEANS 'perfect' and DO revert to those old comfortable and familiar ways...and join the rest of the crowd ...occasionally....cause it does get LONELY being on the "high road" and/or being the one to APOLOGIZE and take responsibility for my ish...when others to not Reciprocate.

    Now...you may be thinking..wtf...why she coming with ALL THAT....or maybe it's just ME thinking that...cause I am:em2300:

    This is because I am not speaking SOLELY to you anymore. I am stating my case before ALL VIEWING. I am sharing more of my thoughts, feelings and planned Actions so others will KNOW more about who I am, where I'm coming from when I do what I do here...k....

    And lastly....OF COURSE I "see" how 'an be rather damaging to "building and embracing" with each other?".....it is at those times that additional work, questions, sharing without further damage is called for. This is what supported by backing far away from you...listening, watching observing....seeking to KNOW....maintaining my mandate for RECOVERING...that which was lost. In our case (you and me) that "lost" was Connectedness, building together as Sisters practicing the principles and mandates of this site.


    For me...that CANNOT happen when someone is ridiculing, labeling, denigrating me or my character...even in jest...specially when you don't KNOW me.

    One last thing I want to say to YOU cherryblossom...well..others too...

    I've found that when people 'butt heads' as fiercely as you and I did (and you and others)...there is MUCH we have in common. I said that to say....I know others may hear something I say as an insult or slight etc...yet I KNOW if they FELT THAT...that IS what I felt from them and INTENDED it to be!
    There ARE of course...Exceptions to every 'rule' and their are times when it is/was NOT my intent...and I trust the same to be true for you.

    Alright..I'm done...for now....:em2300:

    Thanks for Listening to me Share!




    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
  9. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    Sister BB41, I read that post last night and also gave you a "Thank You" for it.

    I did so because I perceived your post as an attempt to "meet Sister True half-way" in this.

    And I did wonder what had happened to it.

    IMO, you should have left it there.

    Like I said before, SOMETIMES, members are able to smooth/settle/compromise on their differences WITHOUT the involvement of Management.

    I thought with your now deleted post that you and Sister True were coming to a "truce" of sorts that could have squashed this whole matter.

    Well, that's just my 2 cents worth.

    I truly think that your post could have only aided in some resolution w/o the Moderating Team at all.
     
  10. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I took it to this level to show you and others that I CAN...tho I prefer not too.

    Your style of communicating I find extremely offensive and hurtful...as evidenced in the original post. YOU made many off-handed remarks attacking my character...something you know nothing about.

    ONE example was this...
    You're not raw, Just rude.

    another...
    Lady, ( And I use that term loosely ) I have no idea what you're talking about and really don't care who you represent.

    here's more....
    I thought perhaps you should just create a thread. Nothing seems to sit well with YOU.
    lmao

    All the labels, judgmental stance, ridiculing...smh....that YOU dished out...was uncalled for. THAT'S what prompted my spending my evening playing this..."report you to the authorities" thread....YOU are comfortable in that style of communicating...I am not.

    I have very good SENSE..and they all work! *read*....'hypersensitive'


    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
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