Black Women : Black Women vs. Black Women

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by vj57, Jun 21, 2004.

  1. vj57

    vj57 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I love my black sisters. I speak to everyone of them I pass in the hallway and in my heart, I wish them well.

    But a situation at work is not good. I don't know why these two black women HATE each other; the animosity has been there from the day that one of them started back in September.

    One of them sits near me and she and I have clashed, mainly because she confronted me about something stupid, such as me giving assistance to a white woman (she hates white people).

    I took her aside and told her how I felt without involving others. I am the type who takes the bible admonishment to "if you have ought against your brother (or sister), go to them and make peace".

    I told her that I resented her comments and that as an administrative assistant, it is my job to support those on my team, regardless of race. I also told her that her racist attitude is WRONG and unacceptable on the job. She also had the bad habit of talking TOO loud about people negatively.

    So, I cut myself from her and only speak, because she is trouble. I will refer to her as Sister A.

    Sister B started last fall. From the day Sister B started, Sister A has nothing but nasty things to say about Sister B. And when Sister A said something to me, I told her to get out of my face with that mess.

    Sister B is aware that Sister A does not like her. So when Sister B said something to me, I also told her that I didn't want to be involved in "jr. high mess".

    Sister A is telling others that she can't stand Sister B Other sisters have tried to tell Sister A to calm down and focus on work.

    But today Sister A came to me, threatening to whip Sister B. I told her to go ahead and lose her job and face arrest. And told her ONCE again to settle whatever between her and Sister B. And with harshness I told her to NEVER NEVER get in my face with this again because I do not wish to be involved.

    The problem is that Sister A is very jealous of Sister B. Sister B is very attractive and wears expensive clothing, jewelry and drives a brand new Mercedes. (Hey, I aint mad at her! She worked for it and her fiance is wealthy, so that's her right).

    Sisters, I hate to see this. When I tell you that I like your new hairdo or your new outfit, I'm being sincere. I'm not going behind your back and say, "She thinks she's cute!" That's not my style and on myjob I'm known as being very friendly to all and a "peacemaker". But I do not want to involve myself in this mess.

    I know in general women can be catty. But it saddens me to see two women acting like jr. high girls.

    An older, mature sister confronted Sister A about her attitude. The older sister I admire because she is wise, and she has tried to get Sister A to see that she needs to stop HATING people.

    I foresee a fight in the future because Sister A rudely bumps into Sister B. This happened today and I told Sister A later that she better quit.

    I've decided that this is going to get into a WAR, so tomorrow morning I'm going to my supervisor (who is over me and Sister B) to put a final stop to this. I would feel bad if something happened and I kept silent.

    Sisters, we need to LOVE each other and stop with the hatred, gossip, backbiting and jealousy. I am very much aware that Sister A has also lied about me and I wasted no time in confronting her. There were others who went to my supervisor on my behalf to tell him that Sister A loudly confronted me about being too nice to everyone. She was warned by her supervisor to get her act together. I'm not trying to cause anyone to lose a job, but when I'm attacked by someone lying on me, I draw the line.

    If another sister wears a weave, wig, etc. that's HER business. Nothing is more disheartening to hear a sister diss another sister. We have it harder on the job than the white women who can get away with things. The attitude of black women can make the company hesitant about hiring others.

    In closing, LOVE your sister. I sure do!
     
  2. Akilah

    Akilah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm in total agreement with you...

    Some of us sisters need to practice more kindness and acceptance of each other :nono:

    We have enough to contend with in this world without having to battle it out :argue: with the very ones we should be counting on for support

    Is it a simple matter of personalities clashing or something more insidious :confused:


    Much Peace,
    Akilah :spinstar:
     
  3. vj57

    vj57 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I read "10 Bad Choices that Ruin Black Women's Lives" (or something like that) by Dr. Grace Cornish. The first chapter dealt with dissing our sisters. This was an excellent book and I suggest that these two women READ it and stop the madness.

    I've encountered nastiness from sisters myself, but one thing I've learned is "what goes around comes around" and I've seen black women suffer for their unkindness to others.

    This topic was brought up because it is indeed a problem and I want so much for there to be peace among sisters, especially in the workforce. This attitude was noted by an Asian woman and she asked me why do black women HATE each other? (She's aware of Sister A and B because Sister B does not like her. And this Asian woman is the height of kindness and generosity and Sister B is a woman I feel who loves attention).

    I love my black sisters enough to help them and respect them and NOT to mess with their man. Just like I wouldn't dare mess around with the husbands of my fleshly sisters, I don't want another black woman's man in my face.
     
  4. KWABENA

    KWABENA STAFF STAFF

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    DELETED - SEE ME FOR INPUT
     
  5. Aisha

    Aisha Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi VJ57,
    It sounds like Sister A is unhappy with herself because she has to pick on everybody to get satisfaction. I am just like you in the sense that I speak to every sister I pass up at work and on the streets. I believe we are like that because we are proud black women. If a sister shares her success with me then I tell her that I am proud of her. I have friend that is an actress and her sister is a member of a popular singing group. Although me and her sister has had our ups and downs, I always send the message through her cousin to tell both of them that I am proud of them and I love them even though I am a bit jealous of thier success. We (black women) need to start congratulating the sisters that are successful and find out how we can get there. Sister A wants to be Sister B and therfore she hates her. I am going through the same thing at my job, but instead of a sister I am dealing with a controling Asian man. I have dealt with bad comments about my hair and him cursing me out. The only reason he could give my boss it that he just don't like me. He and Sister A are the reasons these companies get lawsuits filed agianst them because of supervisors that don't take things serious and fire abusive people. I will pray for you and Sister B that you both find peace in your work environment.
     
  6. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    8 Hateful Things


    Things Women Do To Each Other



    It's become the silent emotional killer among women. Women who are downright mean, malicious and disrespectful with each other. This trend is creating havoc in our relationships with each other, for it strikes the core of sisterhood. Real sisterhood can only exist when respect and trust stand unshakeable. In this particular, most men are quite opposite to us. For a man, a brother is a brother is a brother. However, what is most disturbing about our malicious ways is that we are passing on a legacy of a broken sisterhood to our daughters. Girls that are mean and catty are usually this way because their understanding is that this is a normal part of femaleness. They grow up to become mean and catty women who perpetuate a diseased sisterhood. To break this cycle we each need to make a conscious effort to validate all women. Be they our friends or not. Otherwise, we will continue to find ourselves moving within circles of female hostility, suspicion, and pain. Here is my list of the most detestable practices that we need to discontinue in order to heal our sisterhood:

    1. Talking about each other - You are really not her friend if what you have to say about her is so bad you can't say it in front of her. If you are a real friend you should be able to tell her your concerns for her life to her face. If you have the need to tell others, but you haven't found the time to tell her - red lights should be flashing. Believe it or not, gossiping is not an intrinsic part of being female. Women who gossip do it not because it's a woman-thing, but because they want to elevate themselves and put other women in a place of inferiority. Gossiping is just another symptom of deeper insecurities.

    2. Fighting for men - One of the most undignified things that any woman can do is to fight, argue, or curse another woman over a man. It's a disgusting trend that used to be a school girl thing, but today adult women are doing it too. If both of you are in conflict - because his choice is not clear - then that means that he's really not into any of you. He's probably playing both of you. That man really does not deserve love or attention from either one of you. Let him go.

    3. Joining female gangs - Women who make you feel unwelcome and unwanted within their circle of friends are not to be trusted. Women cliques have become common in the workplace, at church, in the neighborhood. Cliques are the dwelling place of insecure women. Women who join cliques are seeking refuge from their own lack of confidence by cocooning themselves within this circle of supposed exclusivity. Again, the need to belong to, or be part of a clique is also a sign of deeper insecurities. Beware, cliques are usually encouraged and thrive on a type of gang mentality.

    4. Undermining each other - Beware of any woman who can never celebrate your accomplishments with you. It could be a new boyfriend, a promotion, an award, a new job, a new acquisition, weight loss. If she has nothing positive to say to you about it, does not show emotional support, or chooses to remain silent she is not a true friend. Real friends know how to recognize and genuinely rejoice for our successes with pride.

    5. Competing against each other - You need to get this straight. There will always be another woman with nicer hair, a more caring husband or boyfriend, better behaved children, a better paying job, a bigger house, a more fashionable wardrobe - there will always be some woman with more of what you don't have. Consequently, the only person that you need to compete against is yourself. Strive to be the best that you can be - for you. Competing against other women to prove yourself superior is a financial and emotional drainer. Because of this mindless competition we become mean, envious and hypocritical. It is pointless.

    6. Disrespecting boundaries - To survive peacefully every relationship and every friendship must have clear boundaries. Good relationships operate within margins of respect. Within this level of respect, privacy and intimacy are keywords. Yes, you are my friend, but that doesn't give me the right to walk into your bedroom or your kitchen, unbeknownst to you, and help myself to your stuff. I don't do this not because you won't allow me to, but because I respect your privacy and your things. Consequently, we both need to know and respect each other's levels of privacy and intimacy.

    7. Crossing boundaries - This is similar to the above, the only difference is that my respect of your boundaries should never depend on my friendship with you. We need to respect women for the simple fact that they are women. If she is a woman she is a sister. Period.

    Therefore, from that understanding I will have the utmost respect for her children, her man, her opinions, her choices, and for her as a person. It amazes me how women are quick to disrespect another sister's boundaries, but feel offended if another woman does to them the same exact thing. Honestly, that type of inconsistent behavior can only be credited to some form of mental illness.

    8. Exploiting our friendships - This is a major one. Why are you friends? Do you only remember her being around whenever she could get something from you? It doesn't even have to be material. It could just be your time or your positive energy. Does she happen to be always on the receiving side, with you dishing out ton loads of yourself or your stuff? Or is she your friend because of what you represent? It could be that your husband's position or yours, your possessions, your talent, whatever, represents some form of achievement. Is she a friend because that link to you places her on a higher platform? In a real friendship appreciation, support, and loyalty must be reciprocal .
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    those are 8 deep reasons why women do have bitter taste i agree sister !
     
  8. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    Amen.
     
  9. sweet apple*pie

    sweet apple*pie Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This was an excellent post, and I appreciate the scenario between sister A and B.

    I have learned that when a woman is truly in love with her self...meaning that she recognizes, appreciates, loves and admires everything that she is, and everything she is not....then she has no desire to put down others, compete with them, steal men from them, or waste her energy talking about them.

    A woman who is truly centered....who is loving, kind, caring and accepting of HERSELF.... is able to be all these things and more, to other women.
     
  10. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Why is the Title of this thread Black women vs Black women? This type of animosity could be between ANYBODY. That title makes it devisive.

    Just stay out of their fight and mind your own business. If it comes to fisticuffs, keep your cell phone handy and tape it. Keep a copy for your human resources department and post another copy on youtube. I could use the laugh.
     
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