Black Relationships : Black Women Need to Make a Change

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by SirenCall, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. SirenCall

    SirenCall Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2009
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    As a woman I one day want a husband, family and nice home but as a black woman have to face the fact that almost of have of the black women today are not married and statistics show that they may never be married and that this problem is growing even worse only among black women and not other races of women in the U.S.. With 12 percent of African-American men ages 20 to 34 are in jail or prison, black women out-numbering black men and with 6.6 % of black men are married to white women, this cuts the changes down that black women will have the same home-life, loving companionship and marriages that other women have.
    So we need to rethink our strategies and goals about life and be open to dating and marrying not just black men but white men and other nonblack men also. There is nothing that a brother can do for you that a good decent nonblack man can't plus white and other nonblack men tend marry eariler in life and way more than black men will. If you are already married to a good black man then I say congrats and this post doesn't really concern you because I am directing this to the many single sisters out here.
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,787
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680
    Sister SirenCall ... Welcome ... Thanks for Joining us and Sharing! ... :wave:

    There have been many before you, joining us to advocate / promote inter-racial relationships, and for the most part ... it just doesn't go over well here. We are specifically about loving, embracing, building, teaching, etc., with Black People.

    While i've not done my own research, i trust that the numbers you've provided above, are true and accurate ... but they don't change our purpose for being here ... to build Black Family, Black Love, etc. Yes, it's a challenge, but not one i'm willing to give up on. When and if i ever do, you'll probably find me over at the inter-racial web site with you (i'm a single Sister too) ... but until then ... i'll be here, advocating that we love each other, no matter what it takes to get us there.

    I don't know Sister ... but you're right .. things are looking pretty bleak.

    Don't be surprised if you're encouraged to go to an inter-racial web site, where these types of discussions are welcomed and encouraged. It's just that we've usually found them to be counter-productive, even disruptive, to our purpose.

    Matter of fact, here's a thread ... Interracial Dating Threads ... that contains links and info to quite a few like threads found here.

    We even have a thread somewhere, with links to inter-racial web sites. If you're interested, i'll find it for you.

    It's been a minute since i've seen the advocating of inter-racial relationships here.

    The disruption in the past, may not show itself now, especially with a self-proclaimed "mutt" as President. We shall see.

    Again, thanks for sharing, and please make yourself at home ... because you are.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. Jahari Kavi

    Jahari Kavi Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Messages:
    1,571
    Likes Received:
    510
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Self Development
    Location:
    Houston, Texas
    Ratings:
    +523
    *gives sister siren and e-hug so she doesn't leave black men behind*
     
  4. Spirit2All

    Spirit2All Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2008
    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    Black women need to make a change .. but not in the way you suggest

    sister Siren call .. I invite you to read my thoughts ... it's very long - so make yourself a tall coffee (preferably black) and explore the idea that rather than opting for a man who cannot understand our culture .. our mentality .. our strength etc, we can CHANGE the dynamics between black men and women.

    I hope you gain inspiration from this ..... Much love .....

    So ... what are we here for? Let me sit and talk with you for a while, Sis...
    Today's positive and strong black women have usually acquired these skills from hardships and hurt in life. We all know that sickening saying: that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and for the most part - that's true!

    But what happens once we GET STRONGER? Does the hardship cease? How many sisters reading this are trying their level best to be both mother and 'father figure' for their children? How many of us sisters (let's face the truth) are single mothers right now because we made ill-informed decisions about men in the past? Yes, we admit it - we got it wrong way back then, but now, since we've had to smarten up, wisen up, tighten the purse strings and sacrifice our own (often basic) needs - how come it isn't getting any easier for us?

    If I use myself as an example ... Perhaps I didn't know how to analyse qualities in men when I was younger, but I sure do now .... and STILL I’m having problems finding one! Ladies, part of the reason I compiled this site was because I hear my own experiences coming out of the mouths of so many other strong women. Where on earth are our upstanding black men who have been through the same struggles as us, and realise that a string of women, or life on benefits, or life on the street no longer cuts the mustard?

    I have a theory ...... and yet again it entails more workload on the back of black women, but perhaps that's why God gave us these hips after all. What we need to do as black people is to move away from BLAME. Whether our black men have been demasculinised by 'the system', whether the problems exist from a point of slavery mentality or whether it's just a case of kiss teet and wockless-ness - NOW IS A TIME FOR CHANGE!

    I believe that as we teach our children through love and discipline, we are able to re-teach our men through patience and love. Ask yourself this .... why do black men have 'too much pride'? Is there any such thing as 'too much pride?' Perhaps black men have always had lots of pride, because they were the first Kings and Rulers of the world .. if that is so, the pride that we see as arrogance and stubborness is aptly placed and should be nurtured and grown.

    What would happen to a King, who one day, was stripped of his royal robes and robbed of his wealth and tools for family growth? He looks at his Queen and asks, "Wife, how will I manage to feed and clothe you and my children without my tools for family growth? Wife, how can I expect to have anyone in my kingdom respect me or listen to my opinions whilst I have been pillaged of the things that identify me as King?"

    Now, the wife's role always laid in strengthening the family and 'fixing problems' "Husband, they stripped you, but they did not strip me. I will act FOR you. We will talk together into the dark night about your visions for our future, and I will make sure that your voice is heard through my own. They will feed and clothe your wife and children - and you will eat from our plates."

    The Husband smiled at the wife but inside he worried: "But this is not a good thing. I told my wife that I would ALWAYS be able to provide for her. I EXPECTED to be able to look after my children too ..." Gradually, as time went on - the Wife took the place of the Husband as King. People revered her as The Head. When decisions in the kingdom were to be made, the people went to the Wife. This made the King feel very small and without purpose. He grew bitter and remarked to the Wife. "Look at you now! You have on MY ROBES. Everyone looks to you for leadership, I have no authority and therefore I eat off the plate of others. This life is not for me. I cannot remain here to be humiliated every day" The Wife looked hurt and torn. She loved her husband dearly, but since the kingdom no longer recognised his authority she could not alleviate his pain. Her children needed to eat, and the Kingdom still needed direction, so she was forced to sacrifice her own relationship with her King and carried on wearing his robes. Because that was all she could do.

    Today’s black men are no different to the de-robed King. What do you think that King is doing now? Would you not expect him to be angrily striding the streets, looking for somebody to rant and rave at? Why wouldn’t he take the offerings of other women who has never experienced wearing his robes?

    As women wearing King’s robes, we look for other brothers similarly dressed. We will NOT find them in abundance. Perhaps we need to work towards empowering our men BACK to their former status. I mean, who really WANTS to wear those heavy robes when we have so much hard work to do!? Is it any wonder we get hot and bothered? NO, it’s time for us to view our men differently. The black man on the street, although he is not yet wearing his robes of glory IS still a King. The more we redress the situation, teach him to remember his rightful place and responsibilities, the more he will go back to his former glory.

    I believe that change will come for our black families only through a spirit of Love, patience and tender teaching. A gentle spirit of good example and humility from the black woman will be gratefully received by the black man. We know that his time is not now when it comes to empowerment in the workplace… but to give him back his place in the home is a motivational catalyst for him to be aspired to fight hard for his rightful place in society. Ever tried to do something and succeeded just because all around you had faith in you? It is time for us to restore and replenish our faith in black men, ladies. There are lots of clean spirited men out there who we tend to ignore, because he’s waiting at the bus stop as opposed to climbing into his Benz. We tend to say, thanks but no thanks to the bro who hails us on the street at 2.30pm because we presume he should be working somewhere. We cast our men as players because they take multiple women at a time.

    Now don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying we should abide it. Just understand it! Understand the reasons why our men feel that they have to sleep with all who offer them space in their beds. Once we understand these reasons, we are then able to compensate and replace that which has been missing for so long. In turn, I believe that the majority of our men will climb back into their thrones, adopt their usual innate status and restore our black families with a strength never seen before.
     
  5. SirenCall

    SirenCall Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2009
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    Thanks sister Destee and I am glad to hear that you haven't given up but like we both agree prospects for marriage were black women are concerned are getting dimmer and dimmer especially if we continue to rely solely on black men. Not to say there isn't some good black men out here, just that we out-number them 3 to 1. I see some foolish desperate sisters even ruining the good black men by choose to share them with other women, spoil them by trying to buy their attention for a few moments. I see black women everyday struggling alone with 3 or 5 kids, downtrotted and stuck in a poverty, black women who are jaded because they have only been used as bootycalls but never married, black women in their 30s and 40s still youthful with a lot to give, resigning themselves to a life alone with no commented male companion there to share the rest of their lives with. I don't want to whine up being one of those black women.


    Peace and love:hearts4:
     
  6. SirenCall

    SirenCall Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2009
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0

    Thanks Jahari, lol.:great:
     
  7. Jahari Kavi

    Jahari Kavi Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Messages:
    1,571
    Likes Received:
    510
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Self Development
    Location:
    Houston, Texas
    Ratings:
    +523
    my advice is not to worry about it that much, because you don't want to put too much negative energy out there. Start thinking about all the positive black male role models that you've seen in your life along with other good black males.........focus on the positive.
     
  8. Jahari Kavi

    Jahari Kavi Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Messages:
    1,571
    Likes Received:
    510
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Self Development
    Location:
    Houston, Texas
    Ratings:
    +523

    no doubt
     
  9. SirenCall

    SirenCall Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2009
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0

    Thank you Spirt to All for your elegant post but I would like to hit on a few things if you don't mine. You speak of white and other nonblack men not understanding our culture yet look at the many brothers who have opted to leave black women and many times black culture to wed or bed white and other nonblack women. Why are black men not having cultural problems with white women? As for hardships, black women have had over 400 years of them so this tells me that as black women we are going to have to rethink our beliefs and reinvent ourselves if we are to survive and have happy productive, fulfilling lives on earth. It is great to stand up and be strong if your husband can not for some reason but I feel that we as black women grab the wheel too often, not letting our men grow and do what they are suppose to do as men which accounts for some of the young black men today not having proper man training.
     
  10. SirenCall

    SirenCall Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2009
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    True, there have been many positive black men around me.
     
Loading...