Black Relationships : Black women: how do you feel when you see a Black man romantically involved with a non-Black woman?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Ictoan Itkfae, Apr 26, 2014.

  1. Ictoan Itkfae

    Ictoan Itkfae Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Peace Sisters,

    I was just curious about how my Sisters feel when they see this. I hope that you do not feel badly when you see it.:)

    Thank you very much for all answers.

    Peace.
    Bro. Ictoan
     
  2. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It used to upset me, but not anymore. I mean, it has the potential to, if the black man and non-black woman are putting down black people, men or women. Or if they somehow think all I'm worried about is them being together, as if I don't have my own life to think about.

    But for the most part, I don't care; it's not my choice to live their life.

    However, if he's superfine...I might get upset then, if he's with ANY woman other than ME. :lol: Kidding, kidding.
     
  3. Ictoan Itkfae

    Ictoan Itkfae Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Lol. Thank you so much my Sister for responding.

    Can I ask, did something happen that made you stop getting upset when you saw it, or did it just suddenly stop upsetting you? If something happened, is it OK to ask what happened?:)

    Peace & Love,
    Bro. Ictoan
     
  4. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yes, it's okay to ask, and yes something happened. I sat down and analyzed why such a sight upset me.

    I don't like being upset(do any?), so I wanted freedom from if it didn't have to be so.

    I wondered if I were upset for jealousy, but recognized I didn't particularly want to myself all black men who were with non-black women. So, right off the bat, I understood I was being pretty unfair, to think, "I don't want you, but you shouldn't be with that woman who DOES want you."

    I didn't know their life, and so maybe they'd been having a hard time picking up black women; that, too, helped me to understand that my being upset was pretty unreasonable. How can I judge what I just don't know?

    Also, I started to see that much of me being upset was just connected to feeling subtle rejection. To me, it came across as, if by chance I did want that guy to be mine, he probably wouldn't have even given me a chance because I'm black and not whatever race he's currently dating. That hurt to think that because who likes being rejected as if they've nothing to offer because they're a certain skin tone?

    Seeing that black women already have to deal with being told we're the least attractive and desirable of all women by so many people, it felt unfair that even a guy of my own race would reject me for someone who probably, or rather, likely doesn't have to deal with the same kind of problems for her skin color.

    But I came to understand that they didn't reject ME; not personally, so that was irrational to go by. And for all I knew, they might not even like other women of that particular race, but just the one who was on their arm at the time. I didn't know, so why be upset for all these things?

    It wasn't easy to come to this realization, but it was worth it, because I felt less judgmental for something that's not my choice, not under my control, and not my call.
     
  5. Ictoan Itkfae

    Ictoan Itkfae Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks Sis for sharing...seeing Black women with non-Black men didn't upset me until I made some politically motivated comments on a Black message board about Black women & White men. I was more motivated by a political affiliation at that time but after I made the comments, which all I can remember is they were against Black women and White men being together, I started to suddenly feel grief when I saw Black women & White men together.

    I still feel grief when I see this but I wonder why I never felt that grief until after I made those comments. I might have some issue with my brain but I feel grief when I see it.

    Anyway:), what do you think of this: "People should do whatever makes them happy as long as that is not violating someone else unjustly"?

    Peace & Love,
    Bro. Ictoan

    PS: Black women, to me, are the most beautiful physically. I don't have that much interracial experience to say who is the most beautiful internally BUT I THINK THAT IT IS BLACK WOMEN.
     
  6. I'm Becoming Me

    I'm Becoming Me Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The only sad part of it for me, or issue I have with 'any' inter-racial relationship be it black man or black woman who happens to be gay, straight, etc..are those who purposely enter these relationships out of self-hate.

    That's unfortunate, but it happens a lot.
     
  7. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, as a Christian, I don't really follow philosophy such as that, because just because it makes you happy, and you may think it does no one an injustice doesn't mean you aren't doing so to our Creator.

    Life just isn't so easily lived, and has never been, but it doesn't mean you can't find happiness.
     
  8. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Awww, you remind me of my boyfriend; well, my "used to be" boyfriend, anyway. :lol:
     
  9. GatekeeperCrow

    GatekeeperCrow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It doesn't bother me at all to see a black man with a woman of some other race. My father's ex-wife is Filipino, and that never bothered me. As a matter of fact, I think my brother and two sisters from that union are all beautiful kids. Also, my wife's father is black, and her mother is white. I think that real love doesn't see color or gender for that matter.

    I believe that if that relationship makes the two people in it happy, it doesn't matter what outsiders think of their relationship. My "adopted" brother is white, and dating a black girl. While I may not think much of the girl herself, I feel that my opinion of her doesn't matter. It's my brother's opinion of her that matters.
     
  10. Ictoan Itkfae

    Ictoan Itkfae Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you, my beloved Black Sister.

    Christianity sounds interesting to me, the prospect of all past sins being already paid for. But one of my problems with Christianity is the Scripture that says that women must be silent in church (1 Corinthians 14:34.) I disagree with that Scripture and feel that something like that should not be in a book of religion because it is sexist. I know that the Bible says that there are prophetesses but to say:

    "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law."

    I can't go with.

    Can I ask you my beloved Sister, as a Christian what would you say to someone who disagrees with 1 Cor. 14:34?

    Peace & Brotherly Love,
    Bro. Ictoan
     
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