Poetry Critiques : Black till the cops come

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by flo-real, Mar 9, 2005.

  1. flo-real

    flo-real Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2004
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    4
    Occupation:
    Social Worker
    Location:
    I live in sacramento, CA
    Ratings:
    +4
    (2xs)
    you say ya black till the cops come gunnin
    you switch suits then ya take of runnin
    so busy frontin tryna be just like me
    you need to be who ya s'posed to be
    (second time say when you don't even know my history)

    aint it funny how when ya back's against the wall, these so-called friends don't want to take that fall and then
    all of a sudden they act like they don't even know you at all oh! and them being mixed with black there could be no possiblity of that
    in the interregation room talkin bout "oh ray ray got all the blocks sowed up with sellers of crack" ask me anything I'll tell you everything as long as it saves me, from penetentury, cause see I got a family.
    last week you was hollerin my homie fo life
    I got yo back dogg! even when ya throat's under the knife
    cause we tightt!!!
    aayy hey I'll even leave my wife.
    but you snitchin just almost got me jail for life

    (1xs)
    you say ya black till the cops come gunnin
    you switch suits then ya take of runnin
    unless you know about me or my history
    you need to be who ya s'posed to be

    tell me what you really know about this struggle...of the black man
    on how our ancestors were raped of their riches and land
    not to mention the many counts of raped women
    were you black then?

    Were you black when marcus Garvey devolped a Pan- Negro liberation
    or in may of 1943, with the airmen by way of tuskegee
    were the first blacks into military aviation
    or what about when Mary Bethune taught us to openly protest discrimination
    or when Martin Luther King was trying to invoke peace upon this wicked nation
    were you black then?

    or were you only black when you heard Kobe had made the pro's
    or when you seen Labron James with that hummer on 24's
    or was it when 50 cent was on ya radio
    or when you sung along to can a sista flow, flow, tell me can a sista flow!
    that must be when you jumped on the bandwagon
    because you couldn't have been black back then with these actions!
    see our culture has been taught to unite as one and to never give up your brutha for no one under the gun!
    So if you gone be black then be that
    but understand and know the struggle, don't be so quick to jump at the first sign of trouble.

    you say ya black till the cops come gunnin
    you switch suits then ya take of runnin
    so busy frontin tryna be just like me
    you need to be who ya s'posed to be
    (you need to learn about my history)
     
  2. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2003
    Messages:
    6,642
    Likes Received:
    541
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Poet
    Location:
    The Lone-Star State
    Ratings:
    +606
    Love the title because really, it says it all. This one couldn't fail if you reworked it until the cows come home.
     
  3. tichaona

    tichaona Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2005
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    3
    Ratings:
    +3
    i don't see anything "wrong" with the theme of this piece. it works for me. i would just suggest that you rework the line breaks so they flow a lil more smoothly. excellent job of portraying those whose blackness is only skin deep...
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    i truely agree it was a well done piece
    but try and break the lines at a point
    so the next connect smoothly but
    over all it's a great piece
     
Loading...