Black Relationships : Black Sultan; Black Harem Girls Standby Equipment

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by morenaseis, Nov 25, 2002.

  1. morenaseis

    morenaseis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Black women are not standby equipment.

    There are millions more unattached black women than unattached black men. Deducting from that total those black men unavailable due to substance abuse, unemployment, incarceration, involvement with white women and homosexuality results in a bleak demographic landscape for black women. Black men, certain types, will play their demographic advantage to the hilt by treating many black women as standby equipment. They play the system for what it's worth, and the pool of unattached black women is the system they play.

    All too many black men choose to take on the role of sultans on the black social stage, the privileged few among the unattached many!! Black women are their standby-equipment harem girls, from whom they expect appropriate tributes. Being put on standby status means that the polygmaous sultan deems yo to be a harem girl whose services are not required for the moment. To wait on the shelf until his whim deems otherwise. Should the sultan tire of one harem girl, there are plenty more, and not all are black. Sultans cannot uderstand why any harem girl would find fault with their system. Their view is that harem membership is ample reward enough and black women should be gratelful. You have no LEVERAGE over these sultans, because they have no incentive to change. There's nothing to be gained. don't be fooled by the ficticious carrots they dangle to induce black women to pull their social lives along. They offer nothing of substance. SHOULD YOU LIMIT YOUR SOCIALIZING TO CERTAIN TYPES OF BLACK SULTANS, your only rewards will be empty promises and endless reassurances, as far into the future as the eye can see. Black women that make the mistake of taking on the role of standby equipment status leave themselves no choice but to contort their lives to fill the role expectations that go with being a spare tire.

    Standby equipment is a role with no room for emotional growth. Do not trim yourself down to suit a sultan's lowly expectations. Standby status is a game you are predestined to lose. Closing your mind to reality in front of you blcoks you from moving beyond standby status. Walk out and find a game with better odds.

    Solution to the Shortage of black men:

    Millions of white men are interested in dating black women. 57% of single white men are open to dating interracially, compared to 51% of single black women. (Source Washington Post and Jet 10/1995).

    White men who have never married, or are divorced, widowed or separated outnumber similarily disposed adult black women more than 3 to 1: 29.2 million white men, compared to 8.4 million black women. There's plenty to go around.

    The odds are even better for single black women with associate's, bachelor's or advanced degrees. Single white men with such degrees outnumber similarily disposed black women more than 5 to 1: 7.2 million white men, compared to 1.3 million black women. There's even more to go around for black women with degrees. Remember, almost 60% are open to dating interracially.

    Not all white men are great, however on average, the odds are that an adult white man who can handle being in an interracial relationship is likely to be mature in many dimensions, including the way he treats women.

    Black women have a much greater workforce presence than black men, which brings them into contact with large number of potentially compatible white males, subconcious choices make it still less likely to see black women with white men than the other way around. Statistics show this figure is slowly changing.
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    :wave: Haaaaaaaaaaay Morenaseis :wave:

    ~ Welcome ~ Welcome ~ Welcome ~

    Thanks for joining us and sharing such positive, encouraging information! While I'm sure there may be some that don't view it this way ... I'm ready to open an Interracial Dating Forum For Black Women! :wink: You may be interested in visiting a thread created by Amun-Ra, Is It Time, that speaks to this same subject.

    If you noticed, this thread did not get posted immediately. We don't moderate posts but if you choose to include a poll during the creation of the thread, but don't follow through with the poll options ... the thread is sent to the moderator's queue for approval.

    Again, thanks for joining us and please make yourself at home.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome within da house of destee's place
    welcome to da flowz as i grace u from above
    wit luv from da $$RICHNE$$
     
  4. Nia Maishani

    Nia Maishani Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Controversy

    ...but very thought-provoking.

    Are you the author of this, Ms. Morenaseis? Very eloquently composed-- not that I am in support of what it suggests.

    Welcome to the family.

    Nia
     
  5. morenaseis

    morenaseis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Much of the anger of Black women stems from statements that lump all/"most" Black women into one attitude and way of being.

    "Black men and women love the man and/or woman of your choice," says one post by a Black woman. "But don't tell me that you are doing it because I'm not good enough. To make this statement, you would have to get to know me as an individual."

    Wayne Jackson says, "I just want to say to my sistas: don't ever question yourself as if some White/Asian/Hispanic woman has something you don't possess. A man of any race who gives that reply is not a true man, and he doesn't deserve the time it took you to even ask him the question."

    TTaylor, a 35-year-old Black woman married to a Black man for 16 years, says, "It saddens me to hear Black men say they refuse to date Black women. To dismiss us is to dismiss yourself. For you to write off an entire race of women is truly asinine. If you took the time, you would realize that not all of any race is good or bad. That includes White women as well. They have issues just as we do but when you are at an advantage you deal with differently. I am not jealous or bitter because anyone who finds love and I mean true love is really lucky regardless of color. But to premeditatedly look for that love outside your race is self-hatred at its worst."

    I wonder if TTaylor is a shrink because Dr. Grace Cornish, the psychologist and author of "10 Good Choices That Empower Black Women's Lives," will tell anyone willing to listen the same.

    "It's a cop out on the part of a Black man to blame Black women for his choices," Cornish says. "If they have a preference, that's one thing. But then to downgrade your whole race of women is the most ridiculous thing on the face of the earth. I don't think these men have a problem with Black women. I think they have problem with being Black themselves and they take it out on Black women.

    "Definitely, a lot of Black men struggle to reach a certain level and they never feel they have
     
  6. morenaseis

    morenaseis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello Nia,
    No, it's an excerpt from a new book. I have several personal examples and will post of few of my experiences this holiday weekend.
     
  7. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello Morenaseis,

    I have deleted 4 or 5 of your most recent posts to this thread because posting work that belongs to another, without including their permission, is against our Forum Rules.

    We're much more interested in your words than someone else's anyway.

    Again, thanks for joining us.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  8. morenaseis

    morenaseis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It is time black women started dating out. Out as in interracially out. Out as in dating white, Latino, Asian and Native American men out. Here are a few reasons why I think dating interracially isn’t only an option, it’s a necessity:

    Kobe Bryant, Tiger “Cablanasian” Woods, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Jason Williams, Scottie Pippen, Cuba Gooding, Quincy Jones (each of the four times he was married), Clarence Thomas (thank goodness), Taye Diggs. All are married to or dating white women. We can’t list the number of brothers in the NBA, the NFL and Major League Baseball who date white women exclusively. There just isn’t enough disk space.

    Now imagine if I said Oprah, Halle, Vivica, Jada, Vanessa, Erykah, Lauryn, Whitney, Aretha, Venus and Serena were all married or engaged to white men. Or if I said they only date and marry white men and have no time whatsoever for black men. Imagine if it were true. What would be the response of black men? We all get the picture, and it’s not a good feeling.

    The message these men’s dating pattern sends to young black women and black men, as well as the rest of the American public, is that black women are not worthy. They are not beautiful enough; they are not deserving enough.

    Interracial dating is all for the good. In the best cases it leads to greater understanding between the races. Let me say this at the outset: I am an interracial dater. My primary criteria are respect, compassion and absolute devotion. The best scenario for humanity is for us to love without regard to race, class or ethnicity.

    I have no problem with anyone dating interracially, but what I do consider pathological is the trend wherein many successful black men date and marry only white women. It’s as if having a white woman on one’s arm is a barometer of success for many black men, like winning a playoff ring.

    The dating habits of these black men reflect the corrosive effects of slavery on their thinking: The notion that the white woman, the prime jewel in the white man’s crown, is a symbol of status, of achievement, of long-established standards of “beauty.”

    It is a sad fact of life that people often attach greater value to things that are desired by others. Right now black men are under the mistaken impression that because black women have refrained from dating interracially in significant numbers, especially since the interracial dating boom in the sixties, the only option available to us is black men. They mistakenly believe that no other group of men desires us. And that if they do want us it is only as an after hour, behind-closed-doors booty call. Of course this is far from the case. Other men have always approached black women.

    But because of history and the deleterious effects of slavery, discrimination and racism, we have often been skeptical of their reasons for pursuing us. Understandably, when invited out by white men we wondered if they were just trying to see what it was like with a black girl, if they believed the sex was wilder and more primitive, or if they were motivated by a guilt complex.

    Further, the myth, perpetuated by slavery and racism, is that white men don’t see us. Though untrue, this myth makes it harder for us to trust them. The fact is that during slavery, when black humanity was questioned, white men constantly bedded us. It was rape – the assertion of the powerful over the powerless – I agree, but if they desired us when we were deemed the ‘other,’ almost alien, why would they now no longer do so?

    It doesn’t make sense. Sure, the efforts of the media, by and large, have been to render the black woman’s beauty, intelligence and desirability invisible, or to make her an unattractive, ball-busting harpy, with strange hair, strange skin, strange ways. But all of that hasn’t stopped white men from wanting us.

    In fact, according to US census figures black female-white male marriages have quadrupled in the last decade. There’s a simple reason for this, besides our beauty and intellect: the natural attraction that occurs between human beings given exposure and proximity. Black women are graduating from universities and entering the professional workforce at twice the rate of black men. We are working much more closely with white men. This gives the lie to the black male professional’s excuse that he can’t meet or find black women on his level. More than any other group of women, black female professionals tend to ignore economic disparity when marrying. This also undermines the frequent assertion by black men that black women are more materialistic than white women, and hence unattractive as marrying partners. If we were so materialistic we’d be pursuing and marrying only men on our socio-economic level, frequently white men.

    Though the number of black females dating interracially is increasing it is still minimal compared to the number of black men dating and marrying white women. This is because most of us are still suspicious of white men. I say it is time black women stop approaching interracial dating with an inferiority complex; approach it from a position of strength. Believe me, white women do not question why black men desire them. These girls have the ultimate diva complex. We need to take a lesson from them. Believe in our beauty, our intellect and our strength. The same power and instinct we use to weed out the jerks and weirdoes from among black men can be utilized on white, Latino, Asian and Native American men.

    Let’s face facts: there is a limited pool of black men. White women have been wandering into our section of the pool for a very long time. It is time we wandered into theirs. There’s no reason to keep the pool color-coded. Jim Crow is dead in the toilets, at the restaurants, and it’s about time it was buried when it comes to dating, sex and marriage.

    Until black men see that black women are wanted and desired by other men, until they see that we have options and are not entirely dependent on them for our emotional, spiritual and physical needs, many of them will continue to treat us like second-class citizens, the leftovers at the smorgasbord, the dish that nobody wants.

    It is time we black women reasserted our selves. Start dating out. Don’t do it out of revenge. Don’t do it to teach them a lesson. To do so would only cheapen and debase us. Do date out so we can broaden our options and our horizons. Do date out because the human family is a smorgasbord of possibility. Do date out to strengthen our respect from, and our future with, black men. Let’s value ourselves. Let’s free ourselves.

    Maxine Smith....free lance author NYC
     
  9. morenaseis

    morenaseis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    We're much more interested in your words than someone else's anyway.

    Again, thanks for joining us>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Sure, just wanted to get the topic rolling. I could write a book on personal experiences. :)
     
  10. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Morenaseis ... I don't think you understood my request above. It's not enough to note who the author of the work is, but you must also include their permission if you post it here.

    You have included Maxine Smith's work above but did not include her permission with her property. You are breaking Forum Rules. We have a very lengthy thread titled, Copyright Infringement - Stealing - Is Not Allowed Here, that you may want to read.

    I've noticed that you may be doing this same thing in other threads. I'm not sure of this, but if so, please stop.

    I don't want to keep topics rolling if using the words / property of others, without their permission, is required. Let the topics die if our own words are not sufficient to sustain them.

    Thanks.

    Destee
     
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