Black Relationships : Black Mothers help a brother out

creaBlacktively

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Nov 9, 2007
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Ok I'm going to need some help from the ladies on this one but first let me paint the picture so that I can get the best answer possible from the mothers out there. As you all know we are in the midst of a recession. However, thanks to God and hard work my family has been relatively untouched by it. I work everyday and come home to my family after work. I am currently working towards a Masters degree, don’t drink smoke love God and in general I am a pretty good guy. My wife is also in school and is a fantastic mother and a real cool lady in general. We take our classes all online as we opted not to go to a local campus because of the fact that my wife is also a stay at home mother. I am also working toward purchasing our first home. I’m constantly making phone calls setting up inspections, calling this person, calling that person and coordinating the entire process in general 95% on my own. My wife doesn’t work and hasn’t for probably 15 months so the financial burden is on me to make this happen as well as every other financial responsibility that comes up ( and this is ok with me for now). So now that you have enough background info let me tell you what the problem is.

I come home everyday tripping over various items in the floor. The kitchen is always messy. No dinner ready and other areas lacking as well that I don’t really care to get into. I love my wife but I don’t know if I’m not pushing her hard enough or pushing her too hard sometimes. I just know that if I was at home all day, and she was out making the home purchase of a nice new home (bamboo floors, stainless steal appliances, 3 bedrooms, full finished basement, extravagant master bathroom, home gym complete with about 10,000 dollars in equipment and rubber floors, not much yard but everything else is NICE!!!) then I would at least like to think that I would have her son taken care of, dinner ready, and a halfway clean house. Am I asking too much!!!!!!! There are no hidden factors like “well maybe he beats her up” or “maybe he doesn’t talk to her right”. She says I’m GREAT!!! But I think to myself we I must not be if this is all that I’m owed for my services. I’m sooooo bogged down. Today was like the last straw (well not really I love my family and I’m not going anywhere but to work everyday to take care of them), I switched phone companies to the service we are going to use at the new house and I’m too embarrassed to even let the guy into the apartment because it’s so junky. Now let me add this because it’s only fair. I’m not like the neatest person lots of times. I might leave my shoes in the wrong place, or finish a cup and forget to put it up or any other number of little junky habits but if I were home I would pick these things up. Anyway I’ll stop here to keep from rambling too much. Am I wrong for thinking this way?
 
Here are some suggestions:

Ok I'm going to need some help from the ladies on this one but first let me paint the picture so that I can get the best answer possible from the mothers out there. As you all know we are in the midst of a recession. However, thanks to God and hard work my family has been relatively untouched by it. I work everyday and come home to my family after work. I am currently working towards a Masters degree, don’t drink smoke love God and in general I am a pretty good guy. My wife is also in school and is a fantastic mother and a real cool lady in general. We take our classes all online as we opted not to go to a local campus because of the fact that my wife is also a stay at home mother. I am also working toward purchasing our first home. I’m constantly making phone calls setting up inspections, calling this person, calling that person and coordinating the entire process in general 95% on my own. My wife doesn’t work and hasn’t for probably 15 months so the financial burden is on me to make this happen as well as every other financial responsibility that comes up ( and this is ok with me for now). So now that you have enough background info let me tell you what the problem is.

I come home everyday tripping over various items in the floor. The kitchen is always messy. No dinner ready and other areas lacking as well that I don’t really care to get into. I love my wife but I don’t know if I’m not pushing her hard enough or pushing her too hard sometimes. I just know that if I was at home all day, and she was out making the home purchase of a nice new home (bamboo floors, stainless steal appliances, 3 bedrooms, full finished basement, extravagant master bathroom, home gym complete with about 10,000 dollars in equipment and rubber floors, not much yard but everything else is NICE!!!) then I would at least like to think that I would have her son taken care of, dinner ready, and a halfway clean house. Am I asking too much!!!!!!! There are no hidden factors like “well maybe he beats her up” or “maybe he doesn’t talk to her right”. She says I’m GREAT!!! But I think to myself we I must not be if this is all that I’m owed for my services. I’m sooooo bogged down. Today was like the last straw (well not really I love my family and I’m not going anywhere but to work everyday to take care of them), I switched phone companies to the service we are going to use at the new house and I’m too embarrassed to even let the guy into the apartment because it’s so junky. Now let me add this because it’s only fair. I’m not like the neatest person lots of times. I might leave my shoes in the wrong place, or finish a cup and forget to put it up or any other number of little junky habits but if I were home I would pick these things up. Anyway I’ll stop here to keep from rambling too much. Am I wrong for thinking this way?

1. Get a babysitter, go to dinner and tell her exactly what you said here. Or 2. If you can afford it, get her some help. Or 3. Pick the stuff up yourself.
 
creaBlacktively ... Welcome ... Home ... :wave:

Yes, i'd say talk to her like you've talked to us. You both sound like a beautiful couple, providing a wonderful home and life for your Family and selves. My thought would be that you've not articulated how important this is to you, to her. Even if you have half-mentioned it to her before, not wanting to start a fuss between you, she's probably not really understanding how it's bothering you.

With all that you've shared, the way you feel about her, and she obviously feels about you ... i'm confident to believe that if you REALLY (kindly, sweetly, lovingly of course) let her know that you need this to be happy, to feel good about going out and doing what you have to do, then she'll respond the way you want her to.

Yeah ... just talk to her ... you're both blessed to have each other, and you don't have to let this or any one thing, that could be relieved with good communication, overwhelm your otherwise great and wonderful relationship.

For the record, you're not being unreasonable at all. She is experiencing right now, what most Sisters never get to know anything about ... having a husband that loves her, supports her, and makes it so she does not have to work (outside of the home) ... even if it is for a short period of time. I'm sure she realizes the blessing you are in her life, as much as you realize the blessing she is in yours.

So just talk to her ... all sweet and nice and stuff ... saying ... "Baby, i really need this." ... :love:

Good Luck and God Bless!

:heart:

Destee
 
Before I can respond, I have a few questions.

1. How many children do you have?

2. What are their ages?

3. Are they enrolled in public/private school or are they home-schooled?

4. How many college hours is she taking online?


1. We have one son

2. He is 1

3. He's just at home with her right now

4. We are both full time Graduate students

Thanks for asking
 

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