Black Men & Their Children

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by panafrica, Sep 25, 2004.

  1. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I know in the African American community the overwhelming majority of children are supposed to be raised without their father's involvement. I know this because the "statistics" say so. I know because I have heard countless "stories" of African Americans growing up without their fathers. Yet despite all of these reports & accounts...I continue to see African American fathers with their children on a daily basis.

    I just got back from the store where I noticed a number of black men with their children. I was eating at Taco Bell with Mrs. PanAfrica, where once again I spotted a black man with his children. In some case these men are with the mothers as well, at other times they are with their children alone. However when ever I notice a black man with his children, I take note. I do this so often I wonder why I continue (as I said, I see them every day)? However even as I ask the question, I know the answer: I take note of the number of black men with their children, because black men aren't suppose to be with their children.

    This is the stereotype of black men, and with each passing day, I am seeing it as just a stereotype. Indeed I believe that instead of taking mental notes, I am going to start taking pictures. Then the next time I see a news report about the lack of black male involvement in their children's lives, I can send them my portfolio as a rebuttal! I think I'll start with my family
     
  2. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yeah.....the news does not take into account that a father can live in a different home from his kids and still be in their lives....also, it would not be "news worthy" to show the good situations where fathers (whether married to the mother or not) are doing what they are supposed to.
     
  3. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Absolutely MrBlak:

    The stats on out of wedlock births in the African American community (upwards of 70% according to some sources) automatically assumes no involvement of the father. The news reports on these stats imply the same. However my eyes suggest differently!
     
  4. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Pan when my children were small, and their dad used to take them places, he would tell me how he was the only black dad, or one of a few. I noticed the same. But nowadays I do notice many more. By the same token, now I notice more fathers of other races as well. Perhaps there are more men in general taking their children on outings, etc. than there used to be, regardless of race....I know that I often went places with my dad so, those so called statistics never applied to me.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    so true they have today steped up more sort of speak
     
  6. JCsChild03

    JCsChild03 Member MEMBER

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    A lot of times I catch myself talking about how my daughter's father isn't there for her. I don't say it to be stereotypical but I say it because it is what it is. I see it daily with friends, co-workers, and family. It is a stereotype to an extent. But also I am beginning to see a lot of black men with their white girlfriend and mixed babies as a family too. That is a whole different thread but does that count? Those children are Black too and where I live I always see the Black man with his mixed kids. I hardly see the Black man with his Black lady and his Black kid(s). Unless they're married.
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I believe that if you have children, you should take care of them...regardless of it is with a black woman or white woman. A black man who has bi-racial children still deserves recognition for providing & spending time with them.

    I don't know if you are suggesting that a Black Man is more likely to care for a child that he has with a white woman over a black woman. If this is what you are saying...I don't know if I believe that. I know black men who ignore children with white women, as well as those who ignore children with black women. I really believe the relationship with the particular woman matters more than the race of the woman.

    Now I am a black man with a black woman, and taking care of my daughter by this woman. However I am also married, and was married when I had my daughter. Does this make a difference? I believe it does..it is easier to be involved with children when they are with you. This is not to say that no man should be involved with children if they aren't married to the mother, but again it makes the situation easier. When you are living two seperate lives (different house, city, state, etc)...it is much more difficult to get together. However, it still happens....there are more black fathers involved in their children's lives than the media will ever admit!
     
  8. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I love seeing black men with black children. That may sound funny to some, but here in Seattle I'll see black men with Asian kids or white kids...kids that are obviously not his. I can't help but wonder if he had black kids somewhere wanting his attention.

    At any rate, my daughter's father never wanted a relationship with her outside of occasional phone calls. Although my daughter is his oldest child, he felt his "seeds" were meant to create boys and his interest was solely in bonding with his 4 boys. But my ex who I was with for 5 years loved my daughter, walked her to school, took her to the park and to swimming lessons and I always treated his girls the same. He and I are still friends and my daughter still talks to him on a regular basis.

    My father has also spent quite a bit of time with her.
     
  9. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is an ignorant attitude; however, it is one I've heard before. This is also something that women need to be aware of before you have children with a man (particularly if you aren't married). I think if a man is not mature enough to love all his children (female & male)...he is not mature enough to have children at all. That being the case...ladies if you aren't on the pill...get on it, and make him use a condom!
     
  10. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hear you Pan, but we almost got married...and there was no sign of his attitude regarding the sex of a child prior to this. While I was pregnant he got involved with the 5 percent nation....and changed his views and his name. (which is why we did not marry) He then started becoming increasingly hateful which was a huge contrast to him being a "nerdy" loving type of guy. By the time my daughter was born he was convinced that he was supposed to only bear sons...and that I should have also bore him a son...as if it were my fault. LMAO!
     
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