Black Men : Black Men I need your help on this one

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by ellen covington, May 11, 2014.

  1. ellen covington

    ellen covington Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am a single college educated mother of two with traditional ideas. I do not work I stay home and keep my children well rounded both doing great in school, although I do cleaning jobs to stay a float when necessary. I met a guy about four years ago. He makes plans with me and says he wants to get married. He lives in New Jersey and I in New York. He comes to visit me twice a month. I feel that by now we should have moved on a little but we are still in separate homes. I do have a very complicated past that he is aware of but he says he accepts it. Is he just taking me for a ride or is it possible he is just moving slow and cautious due to my past?
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    you going to have to ask him. you got to talk. tell him how you feel.

    i'm sure you will get numerous opinions on line in a few but none of them will be of value.
     
  3. Enki

    Enki The Evolved Amphibian STAFF

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    Hello, and thanks for asking for our input. As you will hear, in many different ways, you will have to be the best judge of this. It can be both, or it can be neither but something entirely different. As brutha James said, you will have to ask him. You, and he will have to see where each other is at, and determine where you two a going, hopefully it's in the same direction. If's it's not in the same direction, then you are going to have to do some thinking and decision making.

    Much luv and respect sista...

    Peace!
     
  4. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Did you say FOUR YEARS ? Tell me you didn't say FOUR YEARS!???....Stop Playin....Did you really say FOUR YEARS???....and you can't figure this out yet???....Stop Playin!!!
     
  5. ellen covington

    ellen covington Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you for your response I do appreciate your honesty. This is what he said about it when I asked him

    "Well it hasn't been a consistent four years the past has me a little cautious school is a priority with me and until recently I feel we've been getting along that sums it up"
     
  6. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    4 years?..

    two words: side piece.

    it is what it is.. and that's most likely what it will always be..
    if you enjoy it, leave it as it is.. and forget about what it's not..
     
  7. ellen covington

    ellen covington Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    We are not having sex? We usually go out to eat catch a movie or something light because he works everyday and have to get back to New Jersey.
     
  8. JuneBugg

    JuneBugg Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Have a frank but relax talk with him, light some candles, lower the lights, drink some wine, look into his eyes but speak straight but with humility, don't hedge go direct. One of the regrets many people have before they move on is not speaking up. Don’t hide your your inner most feelings, don't guard them, expose them and you been with him this amount of time trust him to not abuse your precious treasures stored in your heart he will respect them if he truly cares and loves you. The truth of your thoughts and feelings will make a difference and is a straight line from one point to another. Be brave and say what needs to be said. If he breaks your heart then you can thank him for not wasting your time. Hearts can be assured, mended or broken by true words spoken but unspoken words can lead to unknown years wasted on someone selfish and using you as a stepping stone to a goal that does not include you. Get to the truth by speaking truth and expect truth in return.

    There is a reason you pose this question to anonymous people here at Destee, you want to see if we can back up what your intuition is telling you. Your mind and heart are in conflict but what does your mind tell you? Your heart is where your dreams and hopes are stored and can be desperate to get on with life but your mind will determine if its the right person to move on with. Get honest answers from him in a calm but direct connection with him, make it a matter of business to satisfy your intuition that he is the right person that will have a life long and loyal commitment with you.

    Don't be afraid to tell him you love him and care for him, give him a practical view where you and him can be in ten years, the joys, goals you and he can see unfold over the years, the bliss of growing old together, the happiness that you can have together but let him know if he is not planning the rest of his life with you, then assure him you are strong enough to move on, let him know that life is short and you don't intend waiting on him.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2014
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Actually, that really wasn't inhospitable. Some need to be woke up. :lol:





    ..
     
  10. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    After four years, the relationship should be progressing. However, a cross state romance means a decision has to be made. Marriage plans. Where are you going to live? Finances? Have those discussions happened?





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