Poetry Critiques : Black Man's Shadow

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by kymkymusa, Feb 25, 2005.

  1. kymkymusa

    kymkymusa Member MEMBER

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    I stand with you in your fight
    I'm there with you every night
    Faithful, True, Loving & Strong
    Whether you're right or you're wrong

    Although you think you are alone
    My essence is with you when you're gone
    Sometimes I'm obvious, sometimes I'm not
    But standing with you is my only plot

    Loving you with all my might
    Not noticed as much as I'd like
    Supporting you so effortlessly
    Your Black Woman....why don't you see me?
     
  2. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks for sharing. I love the concept but feel that you could get more out of this piece with a little more effort on your part. Dig deep inside of your imagination to sharpen the skills required to highlight your talent. Discipline yourself to master things like spelling. Discover ways of imparting your message without the overuse of " I" or "my" or any reference to yourself the writer. Shadowbox your way into the heart of the reader, respecting them enough to study. Keep at it, I'm rooting for you!
     
  3. kymkymusa

    kymkymusa Member MEMBER

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    Thank you 1poetsought for taking the time to read and reply about my poem. I am just someone who loves poetry, sits at home reading & tried to take a stab at it. I welcome your comments. I will take them to heart.
     
  4. Kori

    Kori Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I enjoyed the content of this piece, although I wish you had written more, for this particular poem seems as if you left out some of the things you wanted to say for the sake of the rhyme scheme. Particularly in this stanza I noticesd that there seemed to be a rushed or constricted feeling:

    Im looking to read more from you definitely.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    this was very nicely done and could use a more depth
    to clash i agree seem like it was more u had to say to complete it
    but over all it was tyte .
     
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