Black Women : Black Jealous Females

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by Poetic Justice, May 4, 2003.

  1. Poetic Justice

    Poetic Justice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Jealousy
    I decided to discuss this subject because i have witnessed and lived what i am about to disclose to you, and i hope i don't upset my sistah's but it needs to be said by me, maybe its my therapy.
    For you see i share this tendency, sometimes i allow it to overtake me.
    Leaving me feeling ashamed of my soul, when it lays down to mock me, did i make a fool of myself or did i reveal my real self.
    Real is my marriage to a man, a black man, an attractive strong black man, and even when he's loving me and caressing me, i am watching over my prey, like a pitbull you can say.
    See i didn't have a plan to get this black man, loving him wasnt part of the plan.
    He came into my life and gave me a life of love and pain.
    Pain kissing love, making love to hurt was the name of our game for many years, the choke hold of love was my only vice.
    12 years of loving, and crying and fighting and respecting and needing and relying on someone who captured your soul like no other could ever do, makes you humble, makes you scared.
    For i feel sometimes like my body is not mine anymore i have no control, he only has to look my way for my heart to sink down into my stomach, butterflies after 12 years makes you think.
    Think about the work you must put in to make this work, you just can't sleep in your happy little land, you must give all that you can to show your love, he wants it, i demand it and we know we are inlove.
    Inlove with eachother, inlove with ourselves for loving eachother.
    But you see you always have those friends, those female neighbor's who watching your boyfriend or husband mow the lawn, fix the porch, putting up fences, kissing you, laughing with you and they always try to find away to cross the street to be your friend, curious little minds of women, i know i have one too.
    First comes the, excuse me can i ask your husband to fix my car, then the questions, how long have you been toghether.
    Why is it that Black women always feel like a sistah's man is easy to take.
    I hope this causes controversy, i am here to cause controversy.
    Because i am tired of these big bootied sisters strutting they stuff infront of my man, because you cant keep a man of your own.
    Lonely, desperate for the comfort of my mans sexual toy.
    I found the toy, played with it and bought it.
    I have had this toy for 12 years and i still have my reciept stuck in my wallet, who told you, you could play with my black african american dream.
    This woman's work.
    What ever happened to the morals our grandmothers taught us, there is a price to pay to be a black woman in this life and if you have thrown your tokens in, its to late to get into the game.
    It comes from above to rest itself inside you, godly wisdom to respect yourself.
    All the black women of history that we hold in such high esteem fought for something they believed in to futher the cause we still are fighting to this day.
    But do you think rosa, or harriet would have that same glory if it had came out that they was messing around with homegirls boyfriend.
    I come from a beautiful seed, my parents have been married for 55 years, i have 7 beautiful black sisters and a black man to call my brother.
    The morals were taught and it has been displayed in strong marriages that last through anything satan can throw its way.
    The moral to my story is stop being jealous of what your black sister has fought so hard to maintain, stop using your loose ways to grab some crumbs from off your sisters marital plate, stop lowering yourself in all kinds of debauchery in the eyes of god amidst your parents and your children, have some respect for you and you will find someoone to call your own, god will see to it.
    Love to all my B.A.P.S
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello ShawnsWife :wave: Thanks for joining us and sharing these words. I'm not sure if they are poetry or are you wanting to start a discussion? Either way, they've been posted in the wrong forum, as this is the Spoken Word Forum, where spoken word files are uploaded and shared for our listening pleasure.

    If this is poetry, I will move it to the Poetry Forum where it belongs, if it is discussion i will move it to one of the discussion forums. Please let me know.

    Please try to notice which forum you are in (we have so many) and that the content you're adding is appropriate for that forum.

    Again ... let me know where you'd like this moved to ... Poetry or Discussion. Thanks Sister.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. Poetic Justice

    Poetic Justice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Destee,
    Thank you so much for bringing that to my attention, and please move it to the discussion forum.
    And i will in the future place my topic in the appropriate forum.
    Thank you again for taking the time out to teach me the ropes.
    Sincerly, Shawn's wife
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Thank you shawnswife i will now place this in the right forum
    it will be in (Sister Space)
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello Shawn's Wife,

    It's my pleasure to help you get comfortable in your new home! :) Thanks for bringing such a great topic. If it's controversy you're looking for, you certainly know how to bring it Sister! Thanks for this.

    Let me begin by agreeing that you are absolutely right in that many of our Sisters must stop being willing to accept any kind of relationship in lieu of having a "real" one. We are responsible for our actions when choosing to sleep with a married man. We are responsible for whatever pain is caused as a result of our going that way. I do agree.

    I find it difficult though to lay all the blame at the foot of our Sisters. Married men know they are married and no amount of big behinds, or sexy hello's are going to make some Brothers violate their vows and the love and respect they have for their wives and families.

    If a husband cheats, he chose to cheat. Let's not let him off the hook entirely. Not to suggest that a wife shouldn't forgive her husband if he sleeps with another, if he ask for forgiveness, but recognize that it is him you have the vow with ... not your Sisters.

    You said when he is loving and caressing you, you are watching over your prey like a pitbull. This seems like it would be quite stressful. Where is your confidence in him? It really sounds like you are quite insecure, even after 12 years of being together. Do you talk to him about this and does he reassure you in every way that no matter what another woman does, he will be only with you? I think it is his job to make you feel safe, secure, and comfortable in your relationship with him.

    There will always be women willing to sleep with a man regardless of marital status (and likewise men willing to do the same). This is not a "Black Sisters" only kind of issue. Some white women love black men and are not above being with one even if he is married. I hope this doesn't increase your concern proportionately, but it's a fact.

    Again, i understand your concern and agree that we as women, especially Black women, must respect ourselves and each other ... the positions we hold in our families and as the wives of our husbands. I do so strongly agree.

    I do not agree that if your husband were to sleep with one of these friendly neighbors with big behinds and sexy hello's, needing a "Mr Fix It" ... it's all her fault.

    Thanks for joining us and sharing. Looking forward to reading more of you.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hello shawnswife...i agree with what destee has to say, cause i have been married for 11 years and i don't worry about other women coming around my man...i have seen them, and i have seen them flirting and i am like whatever, cause i know that my man is mine...shoot, sometimes i can barely get him to pay attention to me...let alone some other woman (but that's a whole nother story) :lol: the bottom line is that it's the mans responsibility to make his woman feel secure...and not be afraid that the temptation that other women place in front of him can be so easily taken by him...it is a woman's responsibility to honor her vows, but it is also the man's and it takes two people to build a relationship...i don't think that you would worry about the other women out there so much if you weren't worried about stability at home...shoot they're always coming my by house...even some of my girlfriends are always like, your husband is so fiiine...he has such nice leeegs....i'm like whateva...keep lookin'...but don't look too hard...you'll play yourself! :lol:
     
  7. Poetic Justice

    Poetic Justice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I chose this particular subject to recieve some enlightenment on a situation i have been brooding over, and yes my insecurity is for sure, but i think we are all somewhat insecure within ourselves yes he respects me and tell me he loves only me, but i am my own worse enemy you see, i have had some pretty bad experiences as a single black female and i still have the emotional scars, lessons of life.
    And destee i knew someone would mention the color code and i am not prejudice against my white sistas either i have a few in my life, i have been dealing with a certain female of late and i just get tired of the hype.
    Thanks for what you said you brought a smile to my face and much wisdom to my mind.
    Shawn'swife
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    The Bold and not always The Beautiful!

    Greetings ShawnsWife!

    It's obvious you are proud to wear your man's name. :) Given what you wrote, I sense your frustration though and controversy can oftentimes lead to healthy debate which I hope it does here. What you've described is a scenario that dates back to probably the beginning when it comes to men and women.

    Black, white, doesn't matter what race. . . some women have no respect for others or themselves and will subtly and blatantly pursue a married man. Not only will these women go after your man, if they succeed in getting him, they'll brag about it to everybody later. *smh* It's a smart wife that knows this--maybe even expects it--and has these conversations with her husband (best before marriage) so that they have an understanding of what behavior each expects of the other. Some men don't have problems having extra-marital affairs.

    If you're not the insecure type and trust your husband, then I wouldn't lay awake at night worrying about my neighbors. I especially wouldn't give them any thought while my husband was making love to me. He deserves better than that. At the same time, I wouldn't be a naive "fool" either by fattening up frogs for snakes by "loaning" my husband to a woman who could have unscrupulous motives. It's not that you don't trust HIM, it's just that you trust HER far less. If she wants to know why not, tell her the truth, that married women can't be too careful about who might have designs on her husband and it's best that neither are placed in a compromising position. So if she needs her car fixed or something else in her house fixed, she should look in the Yellow Pages under "repairs," and pick up the phone.

    Nice to meet you ShawnsWife! :)
     
  9. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Shawnswife...i just wanted to add that i have had some pretty bad experiences too...matter of fact...i wouldn't use the word psychotic too loosely when it comes to me (for real!) :lol: but i try to work on my insecurities every day...and i still have my good days and my bad days...but i have at least come to the point in my life where when i have a bad day, i know that it's mostly me...and it's also up to me to get myself out of the bad day blues that i have allowed myself to slip into...i find that posting poetry on destee is a great form of therapy...and then getting feedback from others is another form of healing therapy for the work that gets posted...so if you have questions for discussion or poetry that you want to write to express your feelings, then this is the place to be! take care and good luck
     
  10. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello Shawn's Wife :) I'm glad my words could bring a smile to your face. I'm no psychologist or nuth'n but i've always heard that the first step to recovery is recognizing you have a problem. Your insecurity, baggage from previous relationships (12 years ago is a long time Sister, you should have dropped some of that off at the local Salvation Army in all this time), can only make a good relationship bad. It's amazing to me that your relationship has survived if your insecurity has been this high all the years you've been married. Not trying to peek inside your windows or anything, but i can imagine you are accusing him often. The fact that the two of you are still together, that he's chosen to remain with you even with your insecurity, says a lot about the love he has for you. Now if his own actions (stepping out) are the cause of your insecurity, that's another issue. But if he has stayed and tried to help you work this out and after 12 years you are no further along than you obviously are ... you might want to seek some kind of counseling. It's obvious the marriage is important to both of you, as you both have remained for 12 years. Don't let your issue be the demise of your marriage ... when all the time you're thinking it's someone outside of your home causing the problems.

    Love You Sister.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
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