Black Poetry : Black Girl Lost (22 years)

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Legacy21, Nov 21, 2002.

  1. Legacy21

    Legacy21 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is one of the poems from my forthcoming book: "I Have Come Forth By Day"

    Five years spent draining this venom from my soul
    5 years searching
    5 years lost
    Streamlines into 22 years of bitterness and pain
    22 years searching for the meaning of my life
    22 years lost in the urban jungle of the Motor City
    22 years of Black girl lost on the shores of AmeriKKKA
    Where the image of my beauty is lynched everyday
    Lips not full enough
    Hips not slim enough
    Nose too wide
    Cat brown eyes
    That reflects my father’s face
    Who just don’t love me no more
    Cause I was conceived in his image
    No longer the perfect pedestal child
    Fallen into defected states
    At 15 now seven years removed
    I am still searching for an identity
    Black girl lost on a cool October morning
    The year was 1995
    Legs spread wide
    Until the blood soaked the ivory threads of my dress
    I cannot repress the memories
    That rises before me in mockery
    Even after therapy, coerced confessions of rape, my parents’ grief, and my silence
    Does not abate the 5 years of shame and hatred I still feel
    Every time I relive the sordid scene
    I screamed in Jesus name to stop my fear and pain
    But I guess He was not listening
    I turned my face away from God
    Furious with my Creator
    Because I just could not accept the explanation
    That I wasn’t in the position for Him to save me
    Cause I had stepped from beneath the parameters of his covering
    I thought God was omnipresent
    So why was He not there?
    I concluded He just did not care
    That day or any day afterward
    So for 5 long years my heart waxed cold
    My spirit locked and twisted with rage
    5 years of self abuse
    Good Christian girl gone obtuse
    That part of me lay dead
    Shattered among the screams
    That ripped apart the seams of my reality
    Bleeding like my ripped hymen
    Bleeding until the tears flowed no more from these cat brown eyes
    That reflected the face of a father who just didn’t give a **** no more
    No more Mama’s little girl
    Mama can’t stand to see my face that hides the truth of my soul
    Behind the ice glazed lies
    Even I hide from myself
    No more innocence
    No more laughter
    Black girl lost in turmoil
    Black girl lost in broken bottles of 5 o’clock gin
    Black girl lost in sexual sin
    Black girl lost in the streets
    The beat of my own blood exploding with violence
    Black girl lost between sheets soaked with the blood of an unborn child
    Black girl lost in contemplations of suicide
    Black girl lost on the eve of my 21st birthday
    On an O.D. of sedatives
    Black girl lost to the shame and silence
    Black girl lost crying with no tears
    Cause I done died inside and it’s too hard to cry
    Those unshed tears won’t come ‘cause my pride is too great
    I gotta be strong
    People been leaning on my shoulders for far too long
    No one ever asks me what is wrong?
    What my story is
    What my sorrows are
    What my dreams hold
    Cause I am an old soul
    Grown ancient in the wisdom of my own pain
    22 years yearning
    22 years searching
    Never finding the love and joy I seek
    This is why I weep where only the wind and God can hear
    I fight to surpass the failures and fears of a dark past I cannot forget
    I am Black girl lost
    22 years searching
    22 years lost
    Dear God help me find my way…
     
  2. DigginThaShyne

    DigginThaShyne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    this was an emotional whirlwind that gets the highest respect.....God has given you a gift, and I want to thank you for sharing it here

    keep scribin'

    MJ
     
  3. sweet_journey

    sweet_journey Member MEMBER

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    Deep Poem, I also have much respect for your gift of poetry. Thank You for blessing us with this piece.
     
  4. SistaMoon

    SistaMoon Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    wow

    That was a tight piece. I was feelin the pain. Keep doin ya thang.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    o'my my my
    dis was str8 off da hook
    very deep as i take a walk back into yesteryear
     
  6. msluciousb

    msluciousb Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    TO THE BLACK GIRL LOST(OPEN LETTER)

    TO the Black Girl lost,

    Dear Black Girl lost, I heard your silent cry, for your shame
    was the same one as I.
    The unheard of pain and unspeakable harm.
    The loss of innocence the absence of charm.
    What was taken from us can never be returned.
    I prayed at night that his disturbed soul would burn.
    My pain ran deep , I could not sleep, I could not eat.
    And then I felt my pain grow malignant.
    I could no longer stay in the festering state, I couldn't let
    it linger i would not let my rebirth be stagnant.
    With self hate...it's not too late!
    My hands still shake in the presence of men who have no
    tenderness.
    My heart still beats out of time when I envision the bloody mess,
    the immovable stain on my heart and my dress.
    I see you in my mirror, "Cat eyes, now dry from silent tears."
    Lost and locked away for 22 long lonely years.
    Unknown to you, you have sisters in the shame.
    Even though we are not the ones to blame.
    We suffer the crime of a sexless , sex crime.
    And all the time it's replaying in black and white in the corner
    of my mind.
    My hands shook when I read each verse of this prose.
    And when I looked down they are now in a fist tight and closed.
    But, in that dark and quiet night, I heard that Jesus took up my
    fight.
    Though this is still my plight. I select my box they place me in.
    As I retell my story to a friend.
    Of shameless , shame and blameless and blame.
    No one in the family even gave it a name.
    Somebody done messed with that child.
    Well to say the least that was putting it mild.
    The box I place my identity in is 'SOLE SURVIVOR"
    THE END
    BJS
    FEELING YOUR PAIN AND PRAYING FOR YOUR PEACE!
    BLESSINGS ON YOUR HOUSE! :grouphug:
     
  7. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    oh lord, my heart hurts for you, my sister. I hope that with the time that has past since you penned this that some healing has taken place. I am sending you love and peace :grouphug:
     
  8. shewritesagain

    shewritesagain New Member MEMBER

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    its wonderful to read thru words and get a glimpse of a person's soul.

    pure nakedness.

    thank you for sharing.
     
  9. shaneak

    shaneak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Lost @ 22

    Black girl lost at 22...
    I was lost...
    but my faith always shined through...
    I remember those days as a child...
    Sleepness nights praying to GOD to save his child...
    with every teardrop... he gave no explanation to the foul...
    But he tought me faith in longevity...
    Taught to me to hold onto me...
    Faith that i would one day be free...
    From the bondage that stole my virgniity...
    Proclaiming to be a father
    When he was a child molestation robber...
    And in my innocence i did confess...
    In my innonence i did protest...
    And in the end... It was me God blessed...

    Forgiving is the key...
    For i know forgetting... For me...
    Could never be....
    Thoughts that sit in a back corner...
    Thought of .. but not too fondly....
    But the pain made me stronger...
    Black Girl 22... Be lost no longer...
    Time stops for no one...
    And your is yet to be done...
    But to do that you must take the time to heal...
    Let go of anquish you feel...
    Release the ache in your soul...
    Look to him...
    I promise you....
    He will make you whole...
    He is your riches...
    He is your gold...
    He is the only one...
    That can fill that hole....
    I'll be praying for you my sister...

    ** We cannot be mad at what we had no control over... We cannot be mad at the actions we made if we were not aware. But we can be thankful for the lessons learned.. and the blessing earned as we make it thru... Another trial and tribulation...

    God Bless.. and always love, honor and respect thyself...
     
  10. shaneak

    shaneak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    By the way

    That was a beautiful peace... If you could not tell...
    It touched me....

    I have never been truly capably about writing about my pain...
    Only how to overcome it....
    Everyone has their blessings...
    Everyone has their gifts...

    Don't forget to to use them.... ;)
     
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