BLACK AND WHITE RELATIONS

Discussion in 'Violators and Violations (Possible Ones)' started by MRS. LADY, Dec 22, 2007.

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  1. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    “My Life as a Shade of Grey, Part I”

    I am the youngest of seven. They say there is something lucky about the number seven, but just my luck being number 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, or lucky 7 has proved to be anything but. I think I knew that I was different as from as far back as my memory will take me. I was the "black" grandchild. I was the reason for the 20 year silence. To my white family, I was just a reminder of my mothers' disobedience. To my black family, the one that thinks “she's cute” with the good hair; truly, just a shade of grey in the world.

    I have spent the majority of my life watching other people. All people, just trying to make sense out of things, and determine my place in all of it. I have been the victim of mass ignorance from both black and white, and simply put, just not black enough for one, and just too black for the other.

    People say there is no difference. What the hell? There's a big difference! What I am and who I am has forced me to know this. Everyone says I'm lucky. I can just choose a side. Yeah, that's how it works. When I get pulled over I just say officer, “I'm really white.. false alarm”. And, my people, they act like I can't hear them discussing quietly weather my hair is a weave or not. We are not all the same. We will never be the same. I'm not looking for equality. I'm just demanding respect, and trying to respect the differences in other people. One white woman even let me know, “boy you negroes get lighter and lighter everyday.” She even let me know how my parents' reproductive organs should be cut off for having me. She escaped an *** whooping, because I've learned just how funny white people really are from my white relations.

    There is nothing better in this world then being black. I trip off of other people, who remain on the pity pot hating who they are, or spending a lifetime trying to fit in with “them”. I have part them running through my veins, so I have got a peek into how they live, and I don't want to live like they do.

    If you black then you have a Nana. I love my Nana. Nana never gave a **** what I was. I was just hers, and she was mine. Nana had rules. Nana had church. Nana had a yard stick. Nana didn't play. Where you “show'd out that's where you got worked out”. I usually got worked out everyday except Saturday, because there wasn't no school and there wasn't no church. I often got into fights at school because, as I stated earlier, “I thought I was cute”. I use to love to whip ***, especially the big chicks that thought I was scared of them. I never got jumped tho, because I always had a gang of “thugs” that told everybody.. “ya, touch her if you want to.” Church, and this is a black thang, is an all year event. We had a song we use to sing.... This may be the last time. It went:

    this may be the last time
    this may be the last time
    this may be the last time.. it may be the last time but I don't know.

    Well, after going to Bible Study, Choir Rehersal, Prayer Service, Testimony Service, Revival, Morning Service, Evening Service and every other **** Service my Nana could sign up for I decided to change the end of the song and sing REAL LOUD..

    “This may be the last time.. it may be the last time, AND I HOPE SO. It sure was the last time. It was the last time I ever decided to change the words to the song. Nana was “Mother Joyce”, and “Mother Joyce” ain't playing about God. I got my butt whipped like I was the one who had crucified her Jesus to the cross.

    Dinner at Nana's house was great. The food well, ya'll already know! The one thing that use to make me mad was another one of Nana's rules. You couldn't drink your Kool Aid until you ate all of your food. Man, my food be all piled up in my throat. I use to wanna smack Nana for that one. I use to sit there and say, “this don't make no sense. I gotta eat these dry *** biscuits and can't have no drank!” All Nana had to do was shoot that “look” and you knew it would only be a second before something was gon fly cross the room and knock you upside your head. It ain't abuse I learned. Yeah, I was gonna call the people on her, but then I met my white family.

    The first time I met “white people” it was a culture shock. White people let they children do whatever they wanna do. One holiday they dressed me all up, and took me to meet white people. I had a cousin, and she had a son. There was a kid table and an adult table. The four year old was pestering his momma, my cousin, because he didn't want to sit at the kid table. I went to the bathroom, and when I got back this chick was sitting her big *** at the kid table, and her son was sitting with the adults. I think I just sat at the kid table and looked at this woman, sitting with us, with a look of bewilderment. Nah, I didn't understand that one. Soon as I started talking about what I wanted and didn't want my Nana would have ended that right where it started. I learned about “time out” that day, and oh how I wished “time out” was one of our rules. TIME OUT man it was comedy. Time out in a black house is when you get hit in the head with an ashtray or something and you literally get knocked out for a while.

    The second thing that was of great significance was the fact that at white peoples' house you can drink as much as you want and you don't have to eat food that you don't like. You could throw food away. Well I learned that I don't like white people food, so I threw it all away, and I think I drank as much cold drank as Forrest Gump drank Root Beer in the movie. I could break Nana's rules in they house. I got an inch, so I took a mile. The difference between me and the lil boy.. was when I got home I knew I was getting it.

    At the end of the day, I never wanted to go back there. My reasons for going back plain and simple, I could drink as much as I wanted. I didn't have to go to church all day, and I had the enjoyment of going to Time Out. White peoples' house was a breeze.

    White people is different, so I wake up everyday, with my “choice”, and guess what I love being black. There is nothing in the world like it. And the beauty in that is that I can see how they live, and experience it, but if you ain't black you won't never understand. White people don't understand me, and they never will. My white family included, but guess what, I don't understand them either, and really don't want to. I'll just play the wall like I've always done, and laugh when they act like they better then everyone else.

    Oh yeah, my lil white cousin came over one day. He never came back, because he learned that Nana don't play Time Out.
     
  2. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    I want to hear from black people on this.....

    cause there are lots of ya'll that treated me not well and I want to know why......

    there is some unresolved pain here....

    see I'm grown now so I don't care who likes me and who don't... but as a youngin it got vicious sometimes...

    I don't really care about the white people that hate me, but my own people ..... especially for no apparent reason ...

    don't throw that slave shish at me neither.... white people call me "n" just like ya'll.... so to hell with them...

    I always got love from the street thugs.... g's up ^^
     
  3. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    this is not a place for talk of white people...
    there are plenty of other sites that welcome that...
    this site is strictly for black people and talk of black issues...
    if u can't deal with that then you will face a brick wall here...

    one love
    khasm
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Miss Lady ... it's interesting that you'd speak of your pain, caused by the union of an interracial relationship, yet you started a poem i believe, talking about how you wanted a white man?

    In the story above, you say that you've rejected the white side of yourself, for the Black side, yet you want a white man?

    I don't know Sister. I've not had these same issues to deal with, but i'm sure it is/was painful for you, as you've described. It may even have caused you some confusion along the way, bless your heart.

    We have many threads / discussions here, surrounding interracial relationships, the babies they produce, etc. While reading these threads may not directly answer your questions, regarding why the people that mistreated you, did so, they may shed some light. Ultimately, you may have to go to those who actually hurt you, and ask them why they did it.

    Interracial Dating Threads

    Much Much Love and Peace Sister.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Deep story !
    while the answers u seek in within u itself , surely not one of us can give the answers
    for many haven't been down the mix road of confussion and some have and knows your
    pain as i do feel then

    This why we truely don't get into the twist effects of mixture but bring forth the greatness
    of your black awareness and to let you know u are who u are and what u are

    be u , do u and love self and follow your true color of soul which ever way that leads.
     
  6. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As far as the piece itself... Miss Lady, you are a talented narrative writer. You know how to tell a story, you keep it interesting, and bring it all full circle. Finishing the story with your cousin discovering that Nana don't take no mess...that was a great ending.
    As far as commenting on your experiences... Not being biracial, I haven't lived through those experiences. But, I do know what it is to be treated like an outsider by those who you feel should at the very least accept you, and initially that hurts, no question. Growing to love and appreciate self helps to buffer that pain immeasurably.
     
  7. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    thank you.... Rich and Whatzinaname

    Sister Destee:

    I have never dated a white man. It is something that I personally said I wouldn't do. I just don't feel that they can understand the "black struggle"...

    The man that I was talking about in the poem... I am torn....

    I thought that he was black at first..... it was difficult for him to tell me that he wasn't....

    I love black men... all of em... but this man there is just something special about him....

    he doesn't call me b****, or the n word or abuse me in any way. He tries to defend me and encourage me...

    he realize that I am a black woman and I am perfectly comfortable and happy with who I am..... he said you know they gon talk when they see us together, but hell it's the story of my life....

    I was waiting for a worthy, strong, tatted up.. braided up thug angel that's what I know and like.... but life threw me a curve ball and has changed a certain way of thinking....

    It has empowered me a bit because the hatred of white people including my mother was festoring and when that happens hell is fo sho fin to break loose....

    will it happen (me and a white dude) proly not, but at least I was able to forgive my grandmother........

    I lived my whole life with no guidance .... I am still learning as I go...

    My white family shut me out for 20 years......

    I just want my people to know that just because I have my mother's hair and some of her features I am no less "black" then anyone.........

    white people hate me more because they think I want to be affirmitive action or the "house n word"... but I'm black and proud and everywhere I go I say it LOUD.......

    that's why I like this site... because I can tell all the black people how much I love us ..... man if black people would unite we would run this mugg...
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Peace and Blessings Sister Miss Lady ... thanks for sharing with me.

    First, let me do what i failed to do earlier, and let you know that your story was good! It's always interesting to be able to get an up close and personal view of those things which we'd never be able to see, unless someone shared them with us. Thank You.

    Your response above, makes me want to ask more questions! :book:

    Please don't feel obligated to respond to my questions though, as your sharing may not have been meant for such. In addition, you just may not want to, or be ready to, be so forthcoming. If that is the case, i surely understand and respect it.

    You say above that you thought the man was Black, but he confirmed that he is white ... right?

    That is so weird to me. How can someone look Black to you, but really be white? I don't believe i've ever heard of such in my life. Usually, a person can look white, and really be Black. Rarely is it the other way around, that they look Black but are white. That is so weird to me, so i want to ask, what about him made you think he was Black? How did he explain that "Blackness" away?

    I think it's interesting too, that this one white man's show of kindness to you, is able to turn the tide in you, regarding the pain you received from your Mother and Grandmother. One white man was able to do that, yet there is an entire community here of Black People, that have shown you kindness, and you still say that you have unresolved pain regarding the mistreatment received at the hands of Black People in your life ... and none of our love is moving you quite like his love has. You even went as far as to almost indict us, for the pain that others caused you.

    Do you see what i'm saying? It's not really a question, just commentary.

    You've almost implied that one white man's kindness is more powerful than a whole community of Black People's kindness.

    You also say above, that you love Black Men, and then in the next sentence, you say, that the white man doesn't call you a B, or N, or abuse you in any way. Again, almost implying that Black Men do this to you. Is that what you're saying, that the Black Men you've known, have done you this way?

    Sister Miss Lady ... it troubles my heart that you or anyone would have to deny (or hate) one half of their own selves. That doesn't seem healthy at all to me. It's like hating one leg, but loving the other?! What a terrible conflict inside of a being. No matter how the resolution comes, from one white man or 100, it is my hope that you have it. You deserve to love and embrace all of your own self.

    Again ... if you're not interested in answering my questions, or responding to my comments, i surely understand. I'm glad that you're here with us, that you enjoy being here, for we surely enjoy having you! :grouphug:

    Please continue to make yourself at home, because you are.

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    Sister Destee:

    We met through a mutual friend, and began to talk email, text messages.... and no one ever made mention of black or white...

    I would have never given him a chance had I known... when I started asking him questions about when we were gon get together... that's when he told me.. he said he didn't want me to think otherwise....

    I said I did think otherwise, but at that point it didn't really matter......

    I IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM MEANT THAT THERE IS NO LOVE WITHIN THIS COMMUNITY ... I ONLY JUST FOUND THIS COMMUNITY.... AND I LIKE IT HERE.... I WISH THE LOVE THAT IS HERE WAS UNIVERSAL.. FO REAL!

    You are absolutely correct when you say the men that I have encountered have been ......

    everything that I talk about is usually from personal experience...

    I did hate them but because of things I witnessed.. two of my sisters went out with white men, and the first he calls her "n" everytime he mad (she been with this idiot for about 25 years and has been leaving for 18).... he always tells her "u just wan b wit a N" .... cause he don't know how to be with a black woman... and the other after two years he wouldn't even bring her home to meet his folks... (so when I say he don't call me that.. I am comparing him to white cats my sister's go out with)

    I just decided that I got enough of that through my own parents, and I wasn't gon let white people do me like that... then I find out that I got caught up with one...

    The resolutions can only come from within.... I just write about feelings and experiences that I have had ....

    I don't hate myself... I love myself.... I just like to write about perceptions really.....

    I didn't mean to come off as blaming anyone on here... I just want to know what you all think......

    Sister Destee..... the people that caused me such pain.. were my folks.. the questions are just being tossed out there because they both died of cancer ..... and I never got to ask them.....

    I mean my pops had seeds with three white chicks, and then would tell me never to date white?????? my two sisters same thing... "do what i say not what i do" .........

    As far as hating my moms... had every right.... she brought a man in the house ... (rip)... and he raped my two sisters.... he came at me and met a baseball bat....

    Also, I found out last year that the one sister that I thought we had the same father.. we don't... I have a brother that she put up for adoption and I was going to try to find him.. but I found out that my moms' was a (not so nice thing).. and the child was a product a tricks money... and to make it worse he white... i just don't have the energy to meet a white brother, and to deal with the fact that maybe he don't want a black sister... my sister would never be able to handle the fact that we have been lied to for so long and that we don't even have the same pops..... it seems that my whole life i have been lied to..... i did ask my biological father about my sisters' paternity.. and he lied... my fam that i do talk to say they were just trying to protect me... well a day late and a dollar short cause by that time i was already grown...

    I hated her for not protecting us...

    I love her for giving me life, but she been gone three yrs now, and my sister still ain't right in the mind....... she gettin there...
     
  10. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    thanks for the fyi.... but I am black.... it is an issue for me.... why would you say "there are plenty of sights for that"...

    no disrespect....

    it's not white people talk either.....

    it's billie holiday talk... it's langston hughes talk..... ya dig?
     
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