Reunion
There have been some excellent points made here, and I think if brothers sincerely seek an understanding of women and how they choose men, they would be wise to heed the words of Riada and Sanaiah25, as well as jgyknowledge (flashy men win the flashy women that the non-flashy men desire/covet--excellent point). Someone else made the excellent point earlier that many times one of the parties of a relationship is not willing to do the work it takes to keep a relationship together once it has been obtained. All the discussion about "dope boys" is over my head, because I'm no where near those types of circles. How about expanding your horizons outside of the little box those types move inside?
As a woman who has learned from past mistakes in relationships, I've learned to measure a prospective mate on two criteria, and two criteria only. 1. What comes out of his mouth/his mentality. 2. His resume. Simply put, if he talks a lot of foolishness, lacks substance or just sounds ignorant, he is disqualified. If he has a history of doing nothing in life, or any type of negative history that didn't change 360 degrees at least three years prior to our meeting, he is disqualified. And please don't get it twisted. By "resume," I am not referring to what company he works for/has worked for or what figures are on his paychecks. Such is irrelevant. What has he contributed to the betterment of himself, black families, the black community, and hence the black nation and world?
All this talk about women wanting a man who "has something" sounds fishy to me. I'm not saying it is o.k. to sniff around for money, but I suspect that many if not most of the women who are pigeonholed as materialistic or moneygrubbers are being incorrectly portrayed. Women who are ambitious and accomplished SHOULD choose men who are ambitious and accomplished, which has little to do with a bank account, but everything to do with balance/harmony/equity and growth potential in a relationship. It just so happens that for some women, tangible items are the evidence of ambition and accomplishment--though we know that there is more to it than meets the eye.
This leads me to my basic answer to the question of the thread. Biggest issues in black relationships: what keeps us from maintaining them? A lack of balance is the biggest issue. IMO, men oftentimes tend to go after women they perceive as their superior. At some point into the relationship, the man begins to feel resentment and insecurity, so either tries to be controlling or demeaning or both, and the relationship begins to crumble. I'm just commenting from my own point of view--based on patterns I've identified--and I obviously can not speak for the male side.
In order for black male-black female relationships to work and flourish--and I agree 100% that we are at a critical hour in which this is urgently needed--we must begin to choose mates who complement us and balance us, and who bring to the table a comparable measure of what we bring. We must choose mates whose commitment and sincerity matches our own, and whose vision for the relationship is clear, mutual and uncompromising.
There have been some excellent points made here, and I think if brothers sincerely seek an understanding of women and how they choose men, they would be wise to heed the words of Riada and Sanaiah25, as well as jgyknowledge (flashy men win the flashy women that the non-flashy men desire/covet--excellent point). Someone else made the excellent point earlier that many times one of the parties of a relationship is not willing to do the work it takes to keep a relationship together once it has been obtained. All the discussion about "dope boys" is over my head, because I'm no where near those types of circles. How about expanding your horizons outside of the little box those types move inside?
As a woman who has learned from past mistakes in relationships, I've learned to measure a prospective mate on two criteria, and two criteria only. 1. What comes out of his mouth/his mentality. 2. His resume. Simply put, if he talks a lot of foolishness, lacks substance or just sounds ignorant, he is disqualified. If he has a history of doing nothing in life, or any type of negative history that didn't change 360 degrees at least three years prior to our meeting, he is disqualified. And please don't get it twisted. By "resume," I am not referring to what company he works for/has worked for or what figures are on his paychecks. Such is irrelevant. What has he contributed to the betterment of himself, black families, the black community, and hence the black nation and world?
All this talk about women wanting a man who "has something" sounds fishy to me. I'm not saying it is o.k. to sniff around for money, but I suspect that many if not most of the women who are pigeonholed as materialistic or moneygrubbers are being incorrectly portrayed. Women who are ambitious and accomplished SHOULD choose men who are ambitious and accomplished, which has little to do with a bank account, but everything to do with balance/harmony/equity and growth potential in a relationship. It just so happens that for some women, tangible items are the evidence of ambition and accomplishment--though we know that there is more to it than meets the eye.
This leads me to my basic answer to the question of the thread. Biggest issues in black relationships: what keeps us from maintaining them? A lack of balance is the biggest issue. IMO, men oftentimes tend to go after women they perceive as their superior. At some point into the relationship, the man begins to feel resentment and insecurity, so either tries to be controlling or demeaning or both, and the relationship begins to crumble. I'm just commenting from my own point of view--based on patterns I've identified--and I obviously can not speak for the male side.
In order for black male-black female relationships to work and flourish--and I agree 100% that we are at a critical hour in which this is urgently needed--we must begin to choose mates who complement us and balance us, and who bring to the table a comparable measure of what we bring. We must choose mates whose commitment and sincerity matches our own, and whose vision for the relationship is clear, mutual and uncompromising.
