Black People : Big nups day's a family affair

panafrica

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Aug 24, 2002
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The Diaspora
Tomorrow, 10 New York women will walk down the aisle of Brooklyn's House of the Lord Church to wed the fathers of their children.

Called Marry Your Baby Daddy Day, the event is an attempt to promote matrimony among black families. The free ceremony and celebration - a reception will follow at the Brooklyn Borough Hall rotunda - is made possible by donations from designers, caterers and other event specialists.

"I want to bring black love back into style," says organizer Maryann Reid, who selected the 10 couples - all of whom are in long-term, committed relationships - from more than 500 applicants. "By getting married, you tell the community that you are legally tied to and responsible for this family unit, that we can trust you to be the best possible parent and citizen you can be. After all, community starts with family."

According to the Administration for Children and Families, a branch of the U.S. Health and Human Services Department, 68.4% of births to unmarried women are to non-Hispanic blacks. Though "American Idol" and single mom Fantasia Barrino scored a top-20 hit with her ode "Baby Mama," praising strong women who go it alone, others are convinced two heads of the house are better than one.

"You have to lead by example," said bride-to-be Raquel Baeza, 31, of Manhattan. The mother of Melanie, 8, and Tyler, 5, said she's thrilled to finally marry Tyler's father, Patrick Ilunga, 36, after eight years of being in love.

"My mom was a single parent, and I was one for a while, too," she says. "I want to break that cycle. I don't want my daughter to go through what I went through. Two parents share the costs and responsibilities of raising a family. Patrick is my best friend, and I can't see life without him."

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/local/story/350514p-299019c.html
 
Sealing the deal

Ten couples sat on folding chairs in Brooklyn's House of the Lord Church.

Murals of Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X looked on as Karen S. Daughtry walked into the center of the group and declared, "The family as we know it is under attack!"

Some couples sat straighter. Others reached for each other's hands. Both sheepish grins and grave nods filled the room.

It was a rainy Saturday in June, and these were the finalists for Marry Your Baby Daddy Day. The celebration, months in the making, culminates today at the church, joining parents who share a child and home but not wedding vows.

The free, full-scale group wedding (complete with donated dresses, services, and food worth an estimated $89,850) was launched last spring by Brooklyn author Maryann Reid to promote marriage among black families.

On this June day, the pairs were gathered for a group premarital counseling session. Along with financial planning, this was one of several steps couples were required to take before they wed.

"These days, couples don't stay together till death do you part,'" Daughtry, the church's counseling director, told the group. "It's, 'until I get sick of you,' 'until you break your leg, 'until you gain weight, or get on my nerves.' We have got to have a mind shift."

That's exactly what these couples were here to do.

According to data from the federal Administration for Children and Families, 59% of Americans over 18 were married as of 2002. The figure was 72% in 1970. What's more, 34% percent of all births in 2002 were to unmarried women - a sixfold increase since 1960.

Reid, who has a new novel out, "Marry Your Baby Daddy," hopes to make some couples' dreams of being wed come true.

For these 10, tying the knot has been on the agenda. But tight funds, busy schedules and dirty diapers deferred the dream of the perfect nuptials.

The usual relationship speed bumps can do the same.

Raquel Baeza, 31, had her defenses up when she began dating Patrick Ilunga, 36, almost eight years ago. She already had an infant daughter, Melanie, now 8, with another man.

"Patrick told me he was going to move on with his life, because he didn't think I was taking him seriously," says Baeza, who works for a health-care agency. She was hoping to take things with Ilunga slow. "I had told him I wasn't looking for marriage, because I thought that was what he wanted to hear. I was protecting myself. Then I had to prove my love to him."

She did, and Ilunga, an MTA train operator, moved in. Soon after, they conceived son Tyler, 5. Together, they created a loving home, caring for their children and bonding over Yankee games.

On Baeza's 29th birthday, Ilunga proposed. However, a chance to move into a Manhattan coop drained money they were saving for their wedding. Marry Your Baby Daddy Day offered them the chance they weren't sure they would have for a long time.

http://www.nydailynews.com/city_life/story/350628p-299100c.html
 

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