Black Relationships : Being Cheated On but Stay or Go

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My boyfriend and I had a 'creative discussion' the other day. He was constantly making a point of the only thing that would make him leave and never come back is if I convince him that I no longer love or or want to be with him. Other than that, there is nothing I can say or do that will make him leave me. Then he gave an example on if I was to cheat on him, saying that if I cheat on him, he would be extremely pissed, but eventually he would forgive me, and stay with me. His 'theory' or claimed human nature is that if a person cheats on their partner, if they forgive them, and stay with them, then it means they love them enough, but if they don't stay then it concludes that they didn't love them enough. I responded to him that if I loved him enough, I would not be going out cheating on him in the first place.

    Is it possible to love someone even though you leave them, knowing you can't go through the pain anymore? Is leaving although you forgive that person is more so respecting yourself rather than it being based on how much you love that person. How about how much you love yourself?
     
  2. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I put a woman out of my house butt nekkid, because I realized we were toxic for each other. She had a lot of great qualities. The bad one(s) were just life threatening. I still think about her, but I know I could never be with here





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  3. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I find that "Accept" is a decent substitute for "Love." You can "accept" someone who cheats on you, but you, being cheated on, are not "accepted" (in the monogamous role you want.)

    Your boyfriend is saying that he accepts you, you are saying, if you cheat, you do not accept him.

    Though love is deeper, this should enlighten your discussion.

    Obviously, you should seek to accept yourself and be accepted. Cheating is a display otherwise.
     
  4. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yes you can love someone and still leave them...What I think it really comes down to is do you really love yourself?
    You can forgive the person and still leave...and yes it boils down to respecting you...because the person who cheated on you sure didn't respect you.
    If a person chooses to stay with someone who cheats on them then it's between the couple...Now when it comes to me, I'm leaving or your leaving, but someone is leaving...I can't trust that person any more...my anxiety is going to up and I'm going to be very bitter about the situation and it wouldn't make for a healthy thriving relationship.

    But if you choose to stay or if he chooses to stay, but just understand, it's easier said then done.
     
  5. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I put a woman out of my house butt nekkid, Lol.:( Kemestry I don't believe it.:lol::lol:
     
  6. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I believe you can still love someone even though you have separated from them. My ex and I have been divorced for over ten years. They are qualities that he has that I really love, but one of his character flaws is INFIDELITY. I forgave him repeatedly throughout my marriage and he had promised to stop. I realise that as a woman I must have self respect. I could not continue to go through this abuse, because that is what it is.

    I have three sons for my husband and I know they would love for us to be together again, but I wont. My ex is one who never admits he is wrong and to me it would be folly to continue in a toxic relationship like this. Love is not a one-way street. Love must be reciprocal and I have said that IF I ever get married again, and the man wants to be with me and another woman he will have to go. I am a woman who will be faithful and I expect this of my man.

    Sometime ago one of our bible study teachers told me IF I had forgiven my ex I WOULD have to go back with him. I told him that FORGIVENESS and RECONCILIATION are not the same.

    I know there have been cases where couples who have been unfaithful returned to each other. I am not saying it can't happen.. But I believe that knowing the peirson will determine whether this can occur.
     
  7. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Believe it. One of us was going to end up on the news. I chose to put her out. Thereby avoiding anyone being in that situation.








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  8. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hear you:p
     
  9. Black-king

    Black-king Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    How can you love someone if you are separating from them? I can understand you may have lingering feelings, but you ain't loving anyone. However if a woman cheats on you, a man should never go back with that woman, she is defiled.
     
  10. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Put him out....He will only do it again.. save yourself a heartache. It ain't worth it...Been there and done it...
     
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