Black Relationships : Being a Step Mother

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Princesscrystal, Aug 17, 2004.

  1. Princesscrystal

    Princesscrystal New Member MEMBER

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    Would you accept the child as your own? Is being a step mother harder than being the childs mother? What are some of the responsibilities of being the step mother?
     
  2. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Although my ex & I didn't marry we were together for 5 years. He had two girls from a previous relationship. I did treat his girls just like I treated my daughter. I felt the most important part of me being a "step" parent to his daughters was having good communication with his ex. She wasn't really trying to get along with me though, but I sort of forced it on her...meaning I would call to let her know I was washing the girls' hair and would ask what type of products she preferred. I would call her before buying them clothes or shoes, to make sure there weren't specific needs for the girls. And I tried to keep her informed of our where abouts when they were alone with me. No matter how crazy she talked to me, I never reacted negatively back to her...especially not in front of her girls. But it wasn't easy. There were times she'd tell the oldest girl she didn't have to do anything I asked her to do since I wasn't her mother. I had to sit her down and explain that although that was true, she was still in my house and just as if I was babysitting her...she needed to mind.

    So to answer your question, the hardest part of being a step parent is getting along with the child's biological parent. I think it takes mature individuals to handle step-parenting, and an even more mature individual to help your child adapt to a step parent.
     
  3. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    CarrieMonet,

    Your answer is right on target. Getting along with the biological parent is key. My ex-fiancee had visitation with his daughter at our house every weekend and school break. That little girl was raised completely different from the way my daughter was raised. She was NOT respectful, unless in front of her father, and she gave me a hard time most of the time. I tried to keep the mindset of "It's not her, its the way she was raised," until I realized that the problem was beng allowed to fester by her father. If a child is left alone with you, in your custody, and you tell them what they can or cannot do, it is important for the biological parent to support you on that decision, or sit you both down and explain why a different course of action is necessary. I will tell her one thing, he would come home, hear her half of the story and totally negate what I had said. This does nothing but cause division in the household.

    Talking to your mate is paramount. You have to know where you each stand on the discipline of the children. What is expected from all parties involved. It is a trying task, but with cooperation, a stepchild is just like your own natural child. If you take that child in and love them, they are yours in my eyes.
     
  4. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh, my ex and I agreed on how to discpline his daughters...it just would have been easier if their mother encouraged them to mind - instead of telling them they didn't have to. She never realized how hard she made it for her girls...they liked me yet felt guilty for doing so.

    One good thing about our situation was that his ex's mother liked me a lot and helped me with many issues concerning her daughter and granddaughters. She and I still talk to this day.
     
  5. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Princesscrystal

    I can't answer the questons you've posed to the family. However, I would like to WELCOME you to the Destee.com Family.

    I see you have made yourself comfortable in our...now your...home. :D

    Enjoy all that we have to offer. Please do consider becoming a Premium Member. There are some benefits to being one that I'm sure you will enjoy. :D

    peace

    :grouphug:
     
  6. sweetbrownsugar

    sweetbrownsugar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have 2 step sons My husband lets them get away with absolute murder out of what looks like his guilt for having a home with me and our 2 sons. I don't agree with any of what he allows especially when sometimes it causes financial conflict (child support plus expensive extras). Although I appear to be very talkative and opinionated here it's quite the opposite when I'm not logged on to Destee.com Most times I sit back and am quiet about somethings. But on the inside I am boiling over! I don't like to deal with them(my step sons) and hate to see them coming because I have to put up with what they are taught at home by their Mothers which is the total opposite of what my husband and I are teaching our 2 sons. I recently had to open my mouth and let the oldest one know "what was up" when he walked right past the kitchen table where our two son's were eating and plopped his butt down on my new leather sofa with a hot plate of food and a can of soda! My husband sat right there and didn't say anything so I had to be the one.
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    interesting ................keep expressing and do what you must
    as a parent and mother .
     
  8. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Does you husband feel guilty about having another family? Sounds like he has that single parent type syndrome, not wanting to discipline the kids because he wants them to LIKE him. That is not good.

    Keeping your true feelings bottled up isn't really a good thing...
    JMO
     
  9. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Carriemonet, kudos to you for being so mature in that situation, for the better good, those two children. Human nature can cause us to be bitter, but why make the children feel more uncomfortable than they already are? Much respect.
     
  10. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you so much!! :wave:
     
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