Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Regina, May 15, 2003.
yes i see very interesting .....Thanks for sharing dis
If you are married before you start having kids, then the baby's sex is irrelevant. I would have liked to have had my first born child be a boy, but I wasn't going to divorce my wife because she gave birth to my daughter (whom I love more than life itself by the way). I don't mean to pass judgement, but to me this study is pointless, except to provide further proof that society must start to re-address the importance of marrying before having children.
You should pass judgement. I definitely agree with the importance of marrying before having children. The reality is too many of our babies are having babies and even grown women and men are choosing to have children out of wedlock.
You are right sister Regina. However with a reported 70% of black children being born out of wedlock in America. This is definately an "eggshell" issue in black america, because if you criticize having children out of wedlock. Then more than likely you are directly criticizing someone lifestyle (the reported majority of black parents). As a result people get very defensive about this issue, especially black people. However it still needs to be addressed.
i so agree and babies having babies
their are many that has bared child out of wedlock
but it still don't make one less then the one whom so
is married but in order to get our genda right this must be
brought to light and addressed.
Our children deserve a family unit. Our children should not suffer for the selfish motives of adults.
For some reason, I can't open the link posted by Regina so it's difficult to respond to whatever the issue is about here.
Will someone please summarize the issue and the point about a baby's gender affecting a mother's future marital status?
The article basically stated that a father is more likely to marry the mother if their child is male. How I wish we could reverse the trend of children not having both parents in the home.
Greetings to you too Regina,
Thank you for giving me a brief synopsis of the context for your thread. I find it interesting. Let me see if I can piece together a response and have it be relevant to the discussion so far.
So, if a child is born outside of marriage and it's a boy, then the father of that child is more likely to marry the mother? Did the article explain why this is supposed to be believable?
Personally, I think we, as Black people, need to take a long and serious look at how we define a "family unit" and by whose standards we are using to define what it's supposed to look like. The Black family has always had a slightly different composition to it than whites. Not every family is going to have a neat little structure consisting of father, mother and offspring of that union. Life and society are far too complicated these days to try and hold onto such a tradition, in my opinion.
Does this mean that I don't support marriage and marital families? No, I don't mean that at all. But realistically, we might never see familial units take on the characteristics of days gone by because we don't live in the past. So, I'm not going to pass judgment on anyone because all that does is separate and divide us even more.
What I would much rather do is develop a clearer sense of vision and purpose as a community help to deal with problems today; to educate people as much as possible; to eradicate ignorant thinking based on trivial information that does not suit us or work for us. Forgive the cliche' but it takes a village to raise a child. A child is a child, and should be loved as such regardless of it's gender by anyone who wants to give it the love it deserves, don't you think? I'm not trying to undermine the importance of a biological mother/father, but there are too many of our children who are healthy, loving adults today that never knew theirs BUT someone loved them anyway and that light shines in them.
So maybe we're getting hung up on things that really aren't the real issue here. All people need to do is to stop thinking stupid and doing stupid things. That's why knowledge is so powerful. Once knowledge is gained, behavior can change. So instead of judging someone's behavior and claiming it as "right or wrong" according to the way we see things, let's work to increase the type of information people have and make it readily available so that it helps people make smarter decisions and better choices.
Separate names with a comma.