Black Women : Attention ALL Sisters!!!

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by NNQueen, Jul 3, 2003.

?

Sisters, would you like a private forum to discuss personal issues?

  1. Yes

    16 vote(s)
    72.7%
  2. No

    5 vote(s)
    22.7%
  3. Do not care

    1 vote(s)
    4.5%
  1. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Sisters have been meeting every night this week to begin a process of building a positive and supportive relationship with each other and to discuss topics that are of importance to us.

    Last night during "Sister Chat" we recognized that times are critical for us and we need to step up and take responsibility for our own behavior. We realize that there are issues as well as achievements in our community that we contribute to. We think it's time to act as comrades and activists in order to eradicate the ills that plague us as a people and to help build a stronger, healthier community.

    We see value and importance for us to become a resource to each other, especially our younger sisters, we recognize the power that comes from joining together to resolve our "women" issues and to lend each other support and genuine compassion.

    Although we care about our Brother Warriors and sincerely appreciate and respect their opinions, there are those times when Sisters want to discuss some "sensitive" issues that the presence of men might inhibit them or make them feel uncomfortable.

    Having conveyed that, the Sisters that participated in "Sister Chat" last night considered the possibility of creating a private forum for women only. However, we want the opinions of other members before anything is done to create it.

    Destee.com has always promoted an open and accessible community and we don't want to do anything that might give the impression that we're not.

    So, we hope our members take the time to participate in the poll and post their opinions soon. As always, we value your input and appreciate your participation.

    Peace! :heart:
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Good Morning My Sister Queenie !!!! :wave:

    I'm shocked that we are considering a private forum for anyone in this community. We have always had every door wide open to all who call this home. Proposing this private area for Sisters is a major change from the way things have been done in the past. I do believe its time has come and there could be no more worthy reason for implementing this change. The opportunity to mentor, encourage, guide, and possibly save even one of our own beautiful Sisters is well worth all that must be done.

    When i first sent out the notice, inviting Sisters and Brothers to join us in "Sister Chat," i couldn't see any reason why Brothers should not be able to sit in. It was only after meeting a couple of times that i came to the realization that having Brothers present hinders us from fully realizing the goals we've set. Some of our Brothers contributed their wisdom to the discussion, making very valid points. Unfortunately, we are not interested in the male perspective right now. We see our Sisters hurting, suffering, in need of love and guidance that only another Sister can properly give. Steel sharpens steel. In addition, i noticed when it was only Sisters in the room, the discussion was open and flowed freely. As soon as a Brother walked in, the discussion was subtly suppressed. There are topics that many Sisters would not be comfortable discussing in the company of Brothers. It's all about respect and decency. Not everything is meant to be discussed in front of everyone. Noticing these slight changes when Brothers joined us, gave me reason to believe that our effort may be better served by having a private forum. I want my Sisters, especially the young Sisters, to be free to share whatever they have on their minds ... without regard to phrasing it properly and respectfully because gentleman are present.

    We are in a critical time. Our families, communities, children, parents, jobs, lives are unstable and in disarray. Sisters making poor choices and decisions, often because they've not had anyone that cared enough to listen and help guide and direct them. No one to vent to or bounce thoughts and ideas off of.

    A person can't do better if they don't know better. I was blessed to have a Mother that taught me how to do better. She taught me how to be a good Sister, Mother, Lover, Friend, Wife, Person. If she had not taught me, i'm not sure that i'd know. Since i and others have been blessed to know how to do and be better at some things, it is our responsibility to help our Sisters, if we can. While my Mother taught me all that she knew, she didn't know everything. No one does. I'm hoping my Sisters can share with me the things that they know, that i don't.

    We love our Brothers and this effort is for our Brothers. It is for our families, for our lives, for our success in the struggle that our Ancestors started so very long ago. This is a continuation of all that has been done in the past. This is the least we can do. Sisters coming together in love and our Brothers understanding the need for us to do this.

    Please vote and share your opinions. Sisters especially let us know. If you don't see a need for this, then there's no reason for us to do it. It has to be the majority of us believing that there is some merit in this effort and willing to work until we realize the reward.

    We did have another wonderful meeting last night! We'll be meeting again tonight at 8 pm ET and at 10 pm ET on Friday night. I hope more of our Sisters are able to join us.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Hello?????

    Now I know after last night's Sister Chat that our sisters who have graced us with their presence will respond to this question! It was raised AGAIN last night questioning whether it would be possible to have a private section here so that we might continue building, bonding, and collective self-nurturing.

    Des, I know you said you would need time to consider how or if this would be possible, but in the meantime sisters...it would help us tremendously if you could let us know whether to even bother pursuing this venture.

    Peace and looking forward to the feedback!!!

    :thanks:
     
  4. UPTOWNE

    UPTOWNE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    HUMPF................ RIGHT ON I could not AGREE MORE THOSE GOOD FOR NOTHING MEN! ok they good for one thing but can't they just do that and SHUT UP!

    YAWL HAVE SOME NERVE!!!!!!!!!

    Yeah I heard all that gooble de goop, all it sounds like to me is EXCUSES to CUT a BROTHER OUT! NOPE DON'T AGREE I DO NOT! But yawl don't care what I say ya gonna do it anyway SHAME on YAWL I don't care how good your intentions are its just not fair. I really don't see the need!

    I ain't mad at ya I feel I have plenty to add sometimes a brother just needs to listen & learn, what he's doing wrong and how it affects a sistah maybe we can stop the pain or change the flow of the river, but since yawll wanna cut us out we won't have a chance

    YAWL GO AHEAD and do your thing YAWL already got one night now yawl want ya own room whats a brother supose to do?
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    We are a Family and how things affect the whole of us matters greatly. In spite of what UPPIE thinks, no final decision has been made, and everyone's opinion will be taken into consideration. So please do share it.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Jacuma, peace and thank you for the encouraging and thought provoking comments. What you've asked us to consider is exactly what we are doing. No final decision has been made at this point and you can rest assured that nothing will be done by any community leader to disrupt the peace and harmony found here in our community.

    As Destee said, we value everyone's opinion which is exactly why we started this thread instead of being bodacious and selfish enough to exclude other's in this decision-making process. The only reason this came about as a topic was due to the success of Sister Chat and how women have responded to the opportunity to come together in "private" to share their thoughts without being distracted by men. Some women also felt that something more might be desired as an extension of Sister Chat in order to lend more frequent contact and create continuity between Chats.

    As leaders of Sister Chat, Destee and I felt it was important to "test the water" so to speak, to see how others felt about the idea. So thank you and Uppie for providing us with feedback because it's very helpful and greatly appreciated.

    Queenie :)
     
  7. UPTOWNE

    UPTOWNE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I love the Idea of a SUMMIT and contrary to anyones opinion I fully support the SISTAHS CHAT. I think it beautiful but a room just for yawl? hmmmmmmmmm I just have to wonder what yawl doing in there? I bet yawl up in there planing and ploting how to make an UPPIE VOODOO DOLLS I know yawl wanna get me but I am not gonna make it easy for ya! NO ROOM! Chat is cool I'll stay out of your way when yawl in there I think thats fair I can just see the mass production of UPPIE DOLLS for EVERY WOMAN and then the world wide marketing!
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Uppie...quitcha gripin' and cast your vote in the poll. :)
     
  9. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Technically since this is a topic that was based on Sister Chat (which is already for women only), and since this is a topic on Message for my Sisters, shouldn't only women vote?

    That being asked, as a brother weighing in on the subject I would have to vote against it. I fully understand the need for closed door meetings. However, I believe that there is too much we can learn from each other.

    I read women's magazines like Essence and Sister to Sister (I am secure enough in my manhood to admit that.......lol), because I want to know the issues that effect my sisters. I feel this is important to know because I want to be a benefit to my community, as well as a desire to be informed.

    As men and women, we improve interactions with each other by talking and having discussions. If I don't know what women want, and what are their concerns. Then it would be impossible to deal with them and relate to them on a day to day basis.

    Ultimately I think this sets a dangerous precident. Continual and expanding closed door meetings in my mind will lead to us being more in the dark about each other. I might be wrong but I fail to see how a closed forum would accomplish would a closed chat wouldn't.
     
  10. UPTOWNE

    UPTOWNE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    whats the difference?

    By the way PAN that's my point exactly, futhermore this site is dominated by women They already out number us so we if vote nay and they vote yeah who wins? Plus the issue of this suedo vote is hidden in "MESSAGE FOR MY SISTERS"
    GRANTED we men are the babaling idiots you think we are ladies but even a blind retarded man can see through this farse ummmmmmmmmm I mean VOTE

    The following is a summary of an email discussion I have embellished to make a point no one is quoted and this is my summary of a mans perspective

    The difference between love and sex between men & women

    You can date a woman for a year and once she gives you sex she feels like this is saying to you I love you now and we are in a relationship. Of course after waiting so long for the sex the brotha
    Is gonna accept it and then worry about the feelings afterwards.

    When you first started "dating" a man and eventually had sex with him, was it love? In most cases no, it was just sex. Some men never make that transition, it still remains sex, we will eventually start to care for you, and all that, but the sex will still remain just that sex. Only it's with someone we care about then of course male ego kicks in we get possessive and we don't want anyone else to enjoy you, so we put a ring on your finger to "ensure" that we're the only one

    If a sister is stressed out or, whatever... sex is the last thing on her mind. Men on the other hand, can have sex whenever the opportunity arises
    Since we are talking about the way men & women equate love and sex, why is it that sometime after the wedding vows are taken the idea of "taking care of your man", walks out the door. In other words, in most marriages why does the sexual relationship decrease? Does this mean that she loves him less, or was it simply a form of bait? Not to mention in relationship a lot of times sex is used as a treat for doing good or to punish a brother with that Hawaiian lackanukkie for doing wrong

    WOMEN always give a list of sorry excuses why sex decreases after marriage
    1) Children require a lot of time and attention.
    2) Attentions may be redirected to family issues.
    3) No need to "prove" you are the one
    4) Sex has become predictable - not exciting any more.
    5) Sex is used as a weapon or an obligation.

    Why can't it continue as a married couple? What's the difference, in terms of lives stressful events, once you get married. The notion of sex should NEVER EVER be thought as some sort of treat or punishment. It should be done because you want to... that's where the problems of marital sexual discord start. (Before marriage a Sista is doin' all kinds of stuff. then get married and the stuff stops!!!!) How come I can't get it as much as I want when we were dating now that we're married ALL BETS ARE OFF! If you were freakin' it when you were dating, you should still be freakin' it when you get married. Otherwise, it looks like you were putting out just to get married. And now that you're married, you no longer have to put out
    .
    Its like you have to scheme to get the drawers like you was some single guy. Then of course if you have been a "good boy" and have done all the things she wants you to do or have bought the new stuff or whatever you get the obligatory sex in exchange for the favors. You would think that when you marry someone that things would be easier and the sex would be that much more abundant and accessible. I guess that’s why some men cheat? And If the man cheats, he expects to be taken back because it was just sex and she didn't mean anything to him but men rarely forgive a woman when she cheats because he believes that when she gives it up to another man she really likes him and that her virtue has been diminished

    Now ladies I given you a wealth of issues, now stick that in your Tuesday night chat and I'll be here Wednesday to holla at cha
     
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