Black Relationships : Asking a Woman’s Father For Her Hand In Marriage

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Liberty, Dec 19, 2015.

  1. Liberty

    Liberty going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Ok, you have gotten over just hanging out with girls. You are exclusively dating one woman, and you know she's "the one".

    Should you ask her Father's permission for her hand in marriage? Is that tradition obsolete? Is it respectable, or chauvinistic? What do you think, ladies and gentlemen?

    *smile*
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    father? she know where to find her father? really?
     
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  3. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It may not be the most popular gesture these days, but it's still a show of respect; although, it may be a meaningless one. being on my third marriage, i've asked three fathers for their daughter's hand. the third one never, actually gave me his blessing--he said, "let me think about it" then never got back to me--but he walked his daughter down the aisle...and gave her to me.:)

    for most people, the father's opinion doesn't matter. But there are some women out there who would not consider marrying without their father's approval/blessings. for anyone expecting the traditional father to foot the bill for the wedding, they had better ask the question.
     
  4. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Actually that is largely a fairy tale and rich peoples concept. Moreover, James is correct. Too many families don't have fathers to ask





    .
     
  5. Liberty

    Liberty going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    *smh*

    You are so wrong....

    Now just go to the corner, James...LOL


    [​IMG]

    But, really, if there is no Father, you can ask the Mother, Grandfather, or whoever raised her.
     
  6. Liberty

    Liberty going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I agree with you. It's become obsolete, but I think it is a good tradition. The first guy that proposed to me, I really wanted to marry. I accepted without considering my Father. When I told Dad, he was furious and without explanation said "No". I called it off eventually, because I couldn't defy my Dad. And, it turned out Dad was on point, although he wouldn't discuss the point. I have always known where my bread was buttered. And, if that marriage didn't work, it would be my Dad who would rescue me.

    Only the third guy, surprised me. After proposing, my Dad was ill, and when we went to visit him, he didn't ask for permission, but he told my Father what his intentions were. He told him that he need not worry about me or my son because he would always take care of us, etc. I was pleasantly surprised. So, was Dad. It was quite respectful.

    I think that there is a fine line between asking for permission, and asking for a blessing. To me permission is antiquated in that it implies that the woman has no say-so, as if she is chattel. It ay be chauvinistic for two men to negotiate the fate of a woman.

    But, to express your intentions respectfully, and ask for a blessing, I find that honorable. It says to me "I know that if I
    treat your daughter badly, I will have to deal with you."

    But, I would caution any man that before you approach the Father, make sure you have had a similar discussion with the daughter....LOL
     
  7. Liberty

    Liberty going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    You can ask the Mom, or whomever is the head of the family.
     
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Like I said, fairy tale harlequin novel stuff





    .
     
  9. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My 1st husband asked my father for my hand in marriage. It made him feel REALLY honored. When I got married the 2nd time, I had no father. I was really happy that my dad got the opportunity to feel as he did.
     
  10. Liberty

    Liberty going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Exactly! Such a simple gesture, but he gets MEGA cool points for it. I think it takes a lot of confidence to step to a woman's Father (or Mother). And, if you know you don't have your ish in order, you would be too uncomfortable to do it.

    And, I don't get what being rich has to do with it at all.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2016
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